Gynaecologist remark to DH

[Gyneapologist]

in response to my dh saying he wanted me to have an MRI so he could stop worrying about me “I get it mate, you want to trade her in for a younger model’. We were both 😲

male, 60s and also an oncologist as this was a post-cancer appointment. Im
53 btw.

I feel equally humiliated and outraged
as well as lost for words. It was a quip and I’m sure many will say it’s harmless but I think it speaks to the culture of misogyny in the NHS. For context, I requested an appointment in regards to on-going pain from a serious post-surgery infection.

Thank you. I will. I felt brutalised by cancer and surgery but did not expect this.
Anyone who has had cancer, let alone gynaecological cancer, can suffer with deep issues around trust and intimacy . This remark really hit a sore spot

@Gyneapologist I'm sorry you've been through so much & are still in pain 🥹

you absolutely need to report this 'man'. He's in a position where you should feel safe & comfortable being vulnerable around him.

not that it matters, but his comment didn't make any sense or wasn't, even in a 1970's way even remote 'funny'

he needs a kick up the tail pipe further training and a written warning.

i hope they resolve your issues soon xx

Completely agree you should make a complaint.

It's likely this isn't the first time he's said (or even done) something dodgy - the more evidence the better. You're articulate and have a witness (your husband), next time it could be someone vulnerable on their own with him, who they might be less likely to believe.

Theres no reason not to complain, even if you give him the benefit of the doubt and it was a one-off stupid attempt at a joke, they review the complaint, he puts his hand up and admits he was wrong, gets a bit of extra training and won't do it again. If he's never done anything similar he's not going to lose his job over it.

This^

Probably the same reason I accompanied my husband to his cancer appointments.

1. Support my husband through this hellish period.
2. I am better in medical settings as I work in the NHS and Consultants don’t intimidate me, although they do many others.
3. Two people remembering all they say can be helpful.
4. I would ask questions my husband hadn’t thought of.

It really is very normal to take support of a loved one or family or friend to these appointments.

In an oncology appointment? Use your brain.

Did he agree to do your MRI?

Yes he did. But i don’t think that’s the point?

Just playing devil's advocate, maybe seeing a husband present means that a doctor assumes that they are a very "traditional" couple? I can't imagine ever choosing to take my husband with me to an appointment, even though he is medically qualified - I would want to be treated as the competent, independent person that I am.
But, yes, everyone is different...

@Gyneapologist that is a really awful comment to make. And yes, a patient recovering from gynaecological cancer is likely to be feeling a bit low about themselves, why would he say such a dumb thing?
I can understand that you were too speechless to comment at the time but I think it would be good to make a complaint. I don’t know how the process works for things like this, I would worry you would have to continue seeing this doctor afterwards and it would be awkward after complaining.

I don’t know whereabouts you are OP but we have been to a few hospitals around us in the Midlands and seen many doctors (also for cancer) all have been excellent (as have the nurses).

Edited to add that I imagine gynaecology has more issues with this kind of behaviour.

Lots of people take a family member or friend for support at medical appointments particularly for cancer. Why do you even need to know why he was there?

Wow….. speechless at this too

I'm unsure why a professional would view a woman as not being capable?

Is your DH like that? In which case he needs to improve his bedside manner.....

I don’t think it is unusual for a partner to accompany to an appointment. It’s not about competence really, more the support they can give, like other posters have said, they may remember to ask questions you forget. Could be facing bad news together.
Husband going with her isn’t really the problem here.

Eh? Why the hell would they think that? If your husband does, he needs to stop

As well as being an appalling and unacceptable thing to say, it doesn't even make sense as a response to what your husband said.

Thank you Wiz. This is my second bout of cancer and I have nothing but praise for my breast cancer team. The gynae team however has a different’feel’

Is that all you took from this?

This is another dickish comment. Good for you if you are so fab that you never need a bit of support. OP obviously does as do many others so why bother to even post if all you can do is a thinly veiled I am so much better type comment.
It is actually recommended to take someone with you when dealing with important information relating to your health as often people don't take everything in at appointments.

I think your husband should complain. It was said to him and it was absolutely inappropriate and horrible.

Why not? Why does that matter?

Op that's awful, is there a feedback form or area you can flag this up on?

@Gyneapologist pls Ignore VesperLind and BeaRF75
I wish you the best for your recovery 💐

BeaRF75 ‘s comment consolidates my point re an undercurrent of misogyny

I couldn't imagine my DP not wanting to be at an oncology related appointment tbh.

What does traditional couple mean? A couple that don't mind sexist puerile comments during a serious appointment? What a stupid comment.