Gynaecologist remark to DH

[Gyneapologist]

in response to my dh saying he wanted me to have an MRI so he could stop worrying about me “I get it mate, you want to trade her in for a younger model’. We were both 😲

male, 60s and also an oncologist as this was a post-cancer appointment. Im
53 btw.

I feel equally humiliated and outraged
as well as lost for words. It was a quip and I’m sure many will say it’s harmless but I think it speaks to the culture of misogyny in the NHS. For context, I requested an appointment in regards to on-going pain from a serious post-surgery infection.

Why wouldn't he be ?

What a stupid question.

What an utterly stupid comment.

Also, wtf is a ‘traditional’ couple and why would the consultant’s remark be acceptable in any circumstances?

Anyone else waiting for @VesperLind to come back and explain their idiotic question?

I would write down your recollections as clearly as you can today. Over the weekend I would write an email and I would be sending it to PALS on Monday once you have a chance over the weekend to review it (just to make sure you are getting what you want to say in properly).
I am an NHS doctor and I often have patients come with their spouse/friend/child - it wouldn't change how I treat them.

Please feedback, this comment was entirely unacceptable. I'm sorry you had this experience.

I think you are missing the point here.

Why not??

Yes agree to this about surgeons, i had a surgeon telling me the 'offending article has been removed'. He meant my ectopic pregnancy baby 😩

Eh?? A traditional couple wouldn't break up, they would be 'till death us do part', so this doesn't even make sense on its own terms

Absolutely 100% please report this. Totally unacceptable in any circumstances to say anything like this. It's not even OK in the pub, it's certainly not OK in a medical context.

Awful OP. I absolutely get why you didn’t say anything in the moment, but if you have the emotional capacity to do so, now is the time for an explosive complaint.

And yes, this absolutely is an institutional problem. This will not have been the first disgusting remark he’s made, and you won’t be the first to complain. A close friend of mine is a very senior NHS manager who spends much of her time attempting to get rid of absolutely awful people, with little success because the system closes rank and protects their own, no matter how little they deserve it.

I’m sorry you doubt me- see below. I wasn’t examined and if I was then a nurse would have been called

If I were you I would complain.

It's unprofessional, inappropriate, and insensitive at any time but especially when recovering from cancer.

It's a difficult enough time without that added on top of it.

Ignore posters like @BeaRF75 who lack both manners and intellect.

It was a totally inappropriate thing to say. However, it says nothing about misogyny in the NHS. Like others on this thread, I've had nothing but good care and respect from men and women in the NHS.

He'll be a gynaecological oncology surgeon.

FFS. 🙄

WTF is wrong with posters on here? 🙄

I’m guessing he’s either a gynae as that covers surgery & gynae cancer or a surgical oncologist?

I am undergoing cancer treatment. My husband has been with me for as many appointments as he can. It’s called support and what you do for those you love.

That is disgusting.

I am so sorry OP.

@Gyneapologist please don't feel you have to respond to the posters derailing and sneering. They really aren't worth your time.

He did your surgery as well? Gynaecology includes surgery which is why a lot of men choose it. Twatty men unfortunately.

Lucky he was! Imagine how the Dr might’ve been to op on her own.