Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Rude or polite

567 replies

Dullardmullard · 18/04/2024 12:08

I told him no

context is
a man approach me at the bus stop and said excuse me and I said no right away. He then came back and said you could of said I’m not interested.

no meant I wasn’t interested
no meant no

I stand by my no, but some friends/colleagues said I was rude and I don’t think I was.

ive said not interested in the past and got abused verbally.

I normally have my headphones in but I forgot them this morning

OP posts:
GalileoHumpkins · 18/04/2024 12:09

Eh?

PollySolo · 18/04/2024 12:10

But what did he want? Was he asking you the time or whether the number 28 had already gone past, or trying to sell you London Bridge?

Bluevelvetsofa · 18/04/2024 12:11

Not sure whether you’re rude or not. If someone nearby said ‘excuse me’, I’d probably wait to hear what they wanted. You didn’t.

Biggybigbiggles · 18/04/2024 12:11

I usually wait for them to at least finish what they want to they, and they just say Really sorry I can't help/I don't have money on me etc.

I think just saying No straight away is rude. Although having just been on a holiday where we were heckled every 15 minutes, I understand how it gets annoying after a while and one person may be on the receiving end of rudeness thanks to it being a pattern!

DeltaAlphaDelta79 · 18/04/2024 12:12

On the info given its not clear if he was going to ask for directions, bus times, something else.

If he was obviously going to be rude/abusive then the No was fine, but it depends what he wanted.

BodyKeepingScore · 18/04/2024 12:12

But what was it you weren't interested in? You didn't even give him the chance to explain...

DrJoanAllenby · 18/04/2024 12:13

He might have been telling you that your dress was tucked in your knickers!

Get a grip.

EveryoneJapan · 18/04/2024 12:13

Entirely depends on context.

If he was asking for directions, you were rude.

If he was trying chat you up / harass you, not rude.

Either way, I wouldn’t dwell on it.

Whateveer · 18/04/2024 12:13

I mean you didn't even know what he wanted when he said excuse me

BirtyDird · 18/04/2024 12:13

Rude

kefirgiraffe · 18/04/2024 12:14

EveryoneJapan · 18/04/2024 12:13

Entirely depends on context.

If he was asking for directions, you were rude.

If he was trying chat you up / harass you, not rude.

Either way, I wouldn’t dwell on it.

But OP didn't know, as she didn't let him speak

MissBedelia · 18/04/2024 12:14

Rude and a bit weird. I’m not sure such an approach is sensible tbh.

MonsteraMama · 18/04/2024 12:14

I do think just shutting someone down with a no right away is rude, he might've just wanted the time.

BUT obviously your instincts were right because he was then much ruder coming back to critique your rejection technique.

AE9766 · 18/04/2024 12:15

It sounds like you assumed he was trying to hit on you. How arrogant of you. Do you think you're "all that"? You were waiting at a bus stop, you can't be that special.

Poor man!

queenofcruises · 18/04/2024 12:15

what did he want? did you even give him a chance to even say before you very rudley barked NO at him?

he may have been wanting to tell you something such as, your lace is undone, your lable is hanging out.

he may also have been wanting some directions? you were sitting at a bus stop, maybe he wanted to make sure he was at the right stop.

and well done for the man coming back and challenging you on your rudeness.. just because a single lone female is approached by anyone, doesnt mean that they have to be rude!

so yes.. you were rude... but i feel this won't change, youre probably like this all the time.

Tessasanderson · 18/04/2024 12:16

Batshit crazy is what you are.

Someone comes up to you and say "excuse me", the response is 100% NOT to reply "No".

Excuse me, im having a heart attack, would you call an ambulance please.
Excuse me, ive lost my dog, have you seen it
Excuse me, you have something hanging from your hair
Excuse me, you have won a million £££

Your response was absolutely uncalled for without the second part of the sentence.

queenofcruises · 18/04/2024 12:17

MonsteraMama · 18/04/2024 12:14

I do think just shutting someone down with a no right away is rude, he might've just wanted the time.

BUT obviously your instincts were right because he was then much ruder coming back to critique your rejection technique.

i dont think instincts had anything to do with it, personally i think he was quite right to come back and critique the response. he wasnt rude initially, she was rude first... i would do exactly the same

crumbledog · 18/04/2024 12:21

Rude in response to ‘excuse me’ without more info.

hjrl · 18/04/2024 12:21

What @Tessasanderson said exactly. Absolutely crackers

Quitelikeit · 18/04/2024 12:23

I admire your courage tbh!

You are under no obligation to assist him

Rude? Maybe but who gives a F**%#

crumbledog · 18/04/2024 12:24

queenofcruises · 18/04/2024 12:17

i dont think instincts had anything to do with it, personally i think he was quite right to come back and critique the response. he wasnt rude initially, she was rude first... i would do exactly the same

Show quote history

He didn’t challenge the op, her friends did.
If someone is potentially a threat, antagonising them further by being rude is likely to escalate the situation. Better to diffuse with a polite assertive response. Irrespective of how worthy, or unworthy they are if you want to keep safe.

K0OLA1D · 18/04/2024 12:26

Massively rude.

PoochiesPinkEars · 18/04/2024 12:26

I think the rude bit (if it was rude, which would depend on his demeanour, apparent intentions etc), was not waiting to know what the 'excuse me' was about.

Whether you shut him down with 'no', or 'not interested' is neither here nor there. There's nothing between either response on the rude scale in this scenario.

SevenSeasOfRhye · 18/04/2024 12:30

Rude. He might have been going to say "Excuse me, you've just dropped your purse."

MonsteraMama · 18/04/2024 12:30

queenofcruises · 18/04/2024 12:17

i dont think instincts had anything to do with it, personally i think he was quite right to come back and critique the response. he wasnt rude initially, she was rude first... i would do exactly the same

Show quote history

I mean you say that, but the fact he said "you could have said you weren't interested" implies he was definitely intending to try and chat OP up. How do you know he wasn't giving creep vibes and her instinct was to shut it down before it got started?

Was she rude? Absolutely. On this occasion though she was also right so 🤷‍♀️