Rude or polite

[Dullardmullard]

I told him no

context is
a man approach me at the bus stop and said excuse me and I said no right away. He then came back and said you could of said I’m not interested.

no meant I wasn’t interested
no meant no

I stand by my no, but some friends/colleagues said I was rude and I don’t think I was.

ive said not interested in the past and got abused verbally.

I normally have my headphones in but I forgot them this morning

How rude. Hope you’re pleased with yourself.

@queenofcruises , thanks for the laugh when I misread your :

“he may have been wanting to tell you something such as, your lace is undone, your lable is hanging out”

For a second I read “your labia is hanging out” 😅

It isn’t in your own best interest not to even find out what they want first. I was recently quite dismissive towards two men who tried to speak to me while I was faffing about with a parking meter- told them I was busy and to leave me alone. Realised in the end they were trying to tell me I didn’t need to pay as it was Sunday. Felt like a bit of a twat.

A woman doesn't need to think she's 'all that' to think a man approaching at a bus stop is likely to be chatting her up. Its just identifying a pattern of behaviour from experience. It happens a lot. You can also tell from their body language and facial expression as they approach, as well as the staring beforehand where its heading.
I think the single no was rude though as he sounded polite enough.

Or she's just a Samantha Brick who assumes everyone with a penis fancies her. Far more likely from her OP.

For me even just the “excuse me?” then waiting a beat for engagement before continuing gets my back up.

You’d just say whatever you wanted to say, wouldn’t you? Sorry, do you know what time the bus is? Oops, I think you’ve dropped your purse. You don’t need the excuse me to lock them into the interaction.

Is it bad that I really hope it was, after how rude she was?

What is with the vitriol here? This site is fucking rammed with men who hate women these days. Yes, we can tell.

Yes it was rude, but if they were obviously begging or scamming - the most common reason I’ve been approached at bus stops - I’d say the same.

I'd presume that OP would mention any warning signals that would indicate that the interaction needs shutting down before it begins such as drunkeness, or a chugger's clipboard, so therefore to immediately shut down with "no" is rude. OP's friends/ colleagues seem to think it was and they'd have more awareness of context and location.

Did you not read the full thread he came back and said

you could of said you were not interested

no means just that

I think in this weather I’d know if my knickers where on show or tucked in.
I’d also know if I’d dropped money as I don’t have pockets and don’t carry cash

so I was to wait on his excuse me then mmm

Rubbish. This site is full of women who hate other women. Yes, we can tell.

Regardless, OP was fucking rude IF this bloke just said ‘excuse me’ without any cause for her to be suspicious. We await more info.

You're clearly not very intelligent or observant, then, because you're wrong. I'm female, and I just can't bear women who think that every man is out to chat them up. It's arrogant and ridiculous.

if you’re so confident you are correct in your response, why have you thrown it open to mumsnet to decide.

@Dullardmullard when he first said excuse me, what was your reason for immediately shutting him down?

OP, you don't sound very intelligent yourself, if the way you communicate is anything to go by, and yet you fancy yourself intelligent enough to spot that he was coming on to you?
You have no idea what he wanted. You assumed, because you're arrogant (and a bit thick, by the looks of it).

It’s presumptuous to assume he was coming to chat you up. Isn’t that quite big headed?

You're fine.
I can't stand being approached in public by men.
It's never anything important.

You can tell by their body language.

People asking for the time or directions do just that. They just say it.

People have phones, so there is no need to ask the time or directions 99% of the time.

This seems like he was or you assumed he was a scammer/beggar/perv? It's true you were not interested in speaking to him and I understand why. Especially after he didn't take no for an answer. It depends on the person doesn't it, or the day? I might be busy. They might look shifty.
But there's not much else you can say if you don't want to engage with someone. Other than pretend you're deaf.

She assumed the guy at the bus stop fancied her. And she was right. Some women do attract a lot of men and know they do. Better to be straightforward about that than a lot of silly disingenuous 'ooh, what could he possibly have wanted with ordinary little me...?'

You’re not making much sense OP. Was he hitting on you? If so do these friends/colleagues think you should have accepted his unwanted advances out of politeness?

his approach and body language but my colleagues think I was rude and should of waited.

Oh, grow up. Is that the best argument you can throw at me?

I'm not a man. I'm female. I'm probably a good deal older than you though, out the other side of menopause, and grew up in a time where to be a ridiculous raging feminist with an obvious man-hating agenda wasn't the badge of honour it seems to be these days.

You're probably a TERF too, right?

Should have waited.

You were rude. Massively. You have no idea what the poor guy wanted.

It wouldn't cross my mind that every male making contact with me was romantically interested, especially when opening with 'excuse me' - that to me is 'is this the right stop for/do you know the time/you've dropped something'

If his excuse me was to be followed up by any of the above, then yeah - it would have been extremely rude.