Rude or polite

[Dullardmullard]

I told him no

context is
a man approach me at the bus stop and said excuse me and I said no right away. He then came back and said you could of said I’m not interested.

no meant I wasn’t interested
no meant no

I stand by my no, but some friends/colleagues said I was rude and I don’t think I was.

ive said not interested in the past and got abused verbally.

I normally have my headphones in but I forgot them this morning

I've been at bus stops where someone is clearly just bad news and an approach would definitely not be a polite enquiry as to the time, but would definitely be part of a preamble to hijack your attention and end up hassling you, sitting next to you on the bus etc...

In that context, a flat no would be much needed assertiveness.

You do know that makes no sense whatsoever, don't you? He might have been asking directions or telling you you dropped something. My first thought was you don't live in my friendly small Northern town.

You obviously have a high opinion of yourself if you automatically thought a man saying excuse me was him chatting you up (I assume that’s what led to your response)

Most people would have wanted a bit more info before coming to a conclusion

So yes you were rude

Of course it was rude, you've no idea what he wanted. He could have been asking the time or telling you you'd dropped your wallet or that the bus route had been diverted because of an accident.

Out of curiosity - if the interaction had gone 'excuse me' 'no!' and he'd shrugged and pocketed some bank notes you'd just dropped, would you have felt like a complete arse?

Um what now. So basically he said excuse me and you simply said no? How very odd.

Edit : duplicate post.

Very rude. Maybe climb down from your high horse for abit.

Yes you were rude. Hopefully you never need to ask someone directions or for any kind of help in the future. Hopefully you are never in immediate danger, start to ask a stranger for urgent help and they instantly shut you down with a no without waiting to find out what your problem is.

Rude? No. Blunt? Definitely.

No-one is obliged to talk to anyone, if they don't want to. Yes, that might mean that they go around with their skirt tucked into their knickers, or that they fail to save someone from having a heart attack, or that they don't assist someone with directions. But frequently it is that a random man just wants to try their luck. And no-one has to be drawn into that, if they choose not to.

As for this : *It sounds like you assumed he was trying to hit on you. How arrogant of you. Do you think you're "all that"? You were waiting at a bus stop, you can't be that special.

Poor man!*

What a nasty, spiteful little post. I'd rather be a blunt refuser of men's advances than the kind of person who thinks like this.

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Needs more context, but I wonder if a lot of the people saying you should have heard him out don’t live in places with high homeless/drug using populations?

90% of the time anyway approaches me, it’s to ask for money, or to use my phone. If you make eye contact or engage it’s significantly more difficult to extract yourself from the conversation.

Maybe it’s not “kind”, but it can be very intimidating as a lone woman and I’ve been marched to a cash point before after “hearing someone out” - I simply do not want to engage. There’s very few other reasons a stranger every comes up to me and says excuse me.

I think if you have absolutely no idea why someone has said 'Excuse me' then 'No' is certainly a rude response.

If they're clearly approaching you to ask for money, or are obviously selling something, or wearing a badge that makes it obvious that they're Mormon missionaries, then 'No, sorry' or 'Not interested, thanks' is a perfectly reasonable response to 'Excuse me'.

In any other circumstances I'd listen to what they said and then if I wasn't interested I'd say so. 'Excuse me... is this the right way for the train station?' or 'Excuse me... did you know your jumper's on inside out?' is very different to 'Excuse me... can I have your number?' or 'Excuse me... get your knickers off' isn't it?

From the limited information we have, he could have been about to ask or say anything, so yes, I think shutting him down with a single word was rude, but maybe there's more to the story.

Sounds rude to me but maybe there’s more to it - was he acting strangely, did he seem to be drunk/on drugs, had he been harassing others at the bus stop before you etc?

if just a sober man saying excuse me at a bus stop, I don’t understand why you wouldn’t at least wait to see what he was asking.

Yes, you were rude.

But, women are often afraid of being impolite, although sometimes rudeness keeps us safe. So you were rude, but YANBU.

I think it entirely depends on his demeanour and appearance when he approached you. In my opinion, it's fine to make an immediate judgement on the threat to your safety on the basis of that. If he looked drunk/high then I would have done the same. Probably not if he looked like a normal, sober bloke in the middle of the day.

I would just have shaken my head at him and otherwise ignored him.

Random men do not have the right to my attention and if they approach lone women they should know better.

That he came back and had a go at you shows he was not a decent man.

I am with you OP, I am so hot, like super model hot that I know for a fact all the men that say “excuse me” between the ages of 11 and 99 are only after my luscious curves and I will give them the death stare and say “no” to be polite or “fuck off” if I’m being rude. Even men with their partners and kids, I’m not going to be a home breaker! So every man gets a “no” or “fuck off” before they can trot out their pick up line.

Sounds pretty rude to me, but I think we need more context, he might have been asking for the time or directions or something wholly innocuous but you seem to think not. Would you have reacted the same to a woman?

I've lived in big cities with a lot of homelessness and addiction problems all my adult life, and you can always tell when someone who says 'Excuse me' is going to ask for money. It's obvious even before they've said anything. So in that situation I wouldn't hear someone out.

Just like I wouldn't hear someone out if they were obviously missionaries, or carrying a clipboard and clearly trying to get people to sign up for a charity direct debit.

But as the OP doesn't mention the person's behaviour/appearance or say why she didn't want to speak to him, I'm assuming he wasn't obviously any of those things.

Extremely rude, you could've heard what he actually wanted to say before shutting him down?
Clearly you knew you have been rude to even ask on here?

Depends. Those awful bloody Chuggers on the high street always start by saying Excuse me (often followed by love or darling, that really fucks me off). I sometimes just say no, sometimes I say 'i don't want to talk to you'. Almost always they say something dickish like 'give us a smile love'. Just fuck off. There is no reason for me to respond to your unsolicited chat at all.

Extremely rude to just cut someone off with no if they are asking the time. Or if this is the bus to x place etc. I think you have to hear what they want first