Rude or polite

[Dullardmullard]

I told him no

context is
a man approach me at the bus stop and said excuse me and I said no right away. He then came back and said you could of said I’m not interested.

no meant I wasn’t interested
no meant no

I stand by my no, but some friends/colleagues said I was rude and I don’t think I was.

ive said not interested in the past and got abused verbally.

I normally have my headphones in but I forgot them this morning

@Mothership4two NAMALT = Not All Men Are Like That

This shows every appearance of faux naivety. There is no more futile a word in the English language than 'should'.

Of course it would be a wonderful world in which everyone showed consideration to others; in which there was a guarantee that every random male stranger approaching a female stranger had less than nefarious intentions (or didn't simply assume that she 'owed' them her time, cooperation, or companionship).

Sadly, we do not live in such a world. I'm from a friendly village: we all say 'hello' to one another as we pass. That's a different thing from 'excuse me' spoken without further qualification, which I'd expect to hear if I was in someone's way and they wanted to pass. Simply stating those words and waiting for a response is an invitation to an interaction. It's an interaction OP didn't want, and which I also wouldn't want.

She didn't say 'fuck off, creep'. She simply said 'no'. And that's fair. That's fine. That's permissible, and it doesn't need others' validation. People are entitled to go about their personal business unencumbered if they so wish.

I hope all of the people I’ve said ‘excuse me’ to (many of which have been at bus stops) don’t think I was hitting on them.

😂

I don't understand why it means you are bending over backwards to prevent hurting men's feeling if you don't shout NO in their faces if they say excuse me. I don't tend to shout NO in women's faces either if they say excuse me. Surely it's just normal behavour.

@SerafinasGoose

That's a different thing from 'excuse me' spoken without further qualification, which I'd expect to hear if I was in someone's way and they wanted to pass. Simply stating those words and waiting for a response is an invitation to an interaction.

I agree, but according to the OP and qualified in a later post, that's not what happened. He didn't speak the words and wait for a response, because he didn't get the chance. She cut him off straight away.

And she's given updates.

Her instincts were correct.

Updates/ drip feeds more like when posts weren't going her way as much as she liked.

I agree about today's update being rubbish.

Are we to believe she has got herself a stalker now?

@SerafinasGoose

This shows every appearance of faux naivety.

It's faux naivety to try to be respectful to others? Actually that's the creed I live my life by.

I was commenting on the pearl clutching and knee jerk reactions by some on here against men in general.

There is no more futile a word in the English language than 'should'.

🙄& nothing to do with appearing naive.

Of course it would be a wonderful world in which everyone showed consideration to others; in which there was a guarantee that every random male stranger approaching a female stranger had less than nefarious intentions

Knee jerk. So every random male stranger probably has nefarious intentions because they are male? No I don't assume that, but pretty much all my interactions with male strangers are pretty benign - obviously keeping myself safe. I would assume waiting for the morning bus I was pretty safe though.

She didn't say 'fuck off, creep'. She simply said 'no'. And that's fair. That's fine. That's permissible, and it doesn't need others' validation. People are entitled to go about their personal business unencumbered if they so wish.

Wasn't the point of my comment but obviously people can do and react however they wish within reason, but she was rude IMO - which is what she was asking in her title.

Do you not use buses much?

Early buses are often frequented by the same people each day as they are used to get to work at the same time each day.

And if she said “No” to him the way she did, are you surprised that he sneered when people have done worse to her on this board for just retelling her experience?

Well you must be psychic @MyBigBounty! 😆

My post was reported even though I specifically said:

I don't think OP is outright lying

her arse handed to her on a plate yesterday by 99% of the respondents for behaving so rudely

Hardly a scientific poll, is it.

And, of course, we don't judge whether behaviour is appropriate by whether a group of time-wasters on the internet don't like it.

I recognise what the OP says. I used to live in a walkable city with a large homeless population, and used to be approached with an Excuuuuuuuuse me very very often. Always in a very assertive tone which is designed to make you pay attention.

I look a bit vulnerable when I'm out and about, perhaps because of how I carry myself, or because I look a bit of a day-dreamer. I'm also the kind of person that strangers talk to on trains.

So I had to learn to interrupt with a quick 'no, sorry', being assertive back. I also have to use this now with people going from door-to-door with hardship stories. The idea you have to stop and listen patiently to anyone approaching you with an 'excuse me', just because that was good behaviour in villages in the 1950s, is frankly insane.

This doesn't mean I don't stop to help strangers in distress or whatever, or people who clearly want help with things like taking a photo or just asking, 'sorry, is this the Newcastle train?'

OP, you were fine, and I'm sorry you have to change your journey because of a creep.

OP, you were fine, and I'm sorry you have to change your journey because of a creep.

Why was he a creep? Because he had the audacity to say "excuse me" to someone?

What a bloody weird thing to ram into a thread. He was a serving police officer who 'arrested' her. She didn't stand around being all polite and patient.

If this man has allegedly sneered at her today it is hardly any wonder after being treated so rudely the day before. Again there is no evidence of him being a creepy pervert in any event.

I'd question the truth of this second encounter anyway. No mention of ever seeing this guy there before, now he has turned up 2 consecutive days in a row and has got increasingly more sinister today after OP was flamed yesterday. Strange that.

I think we are meant to know that he was absolutely definitely hitting on her because he followed up with 'you could have just said you weren't interested'... and that might be the case.

Or, taken aback by her abrupt 'NO!' he could have felt very fucking small and stupid and just blurted something out that wasn't quite what he meant, I absolutely know that I have done this in similar situations.

I once attempted to tell a lady she'd got a big smear of something nasty up the back of her coat, presumably from where she'd sat on the bus. My 'excuse me' was met with a similar 'NO' and then an absolute diatribe of abuse, because she assumed I was a beggar (I was scruffy, sat on the floor with a small dog on a string and a bag of my stuff next to me in a busy bus station, I can see why she lept to that conclusion).

I was so taken aback because I really didn't expect such a vehement and angry response, was totally unable to succinctly explain myself and ended up telling her she was a nasty bitch and she could fuck off. I suspect to this day she thinks I was trying to tap her for money!

As someone who actually knew Sarah, via her sister, how ignorant of you to try and monopolise her murder for shock value and use it to compare this situation! Absolutely shameful!

So I’m drip feeding ok no that’s called updating

im lying ok again updating

he was within his rights to sneer at me today because I said no yesterday remember that yesterday not same day. nope he damn well wasn’t.

I didn’t shout either for the record.

headphones on at all times no engagement at all

phone a friend if I feel uncomfortable

All sorted now thanks

Just out of interest how old does this man look?

Sorry but what is your AIBU?

I'm right/most of you are wrong (+ friends & colleagues)/all sorted thanks

I'm not sure why you asked the question in the first place OP?