Page 23 | Rude or polite

Dullardmullard · 2024-04-18T11:08:41+00:00

I told him no context is a man approach me at the bus stop and said excuse me and I said no right away. He then came back and said you could of said I’m not interested. no meant I wasn’t interested no meant no I stand by my no, but some friends/colleagues said I was rude and I don’t think I was. ive said not interested in the past and got abused verbally. I normally have my headphones in but I forgot them this morning

Shootin · 19/04/2024 17:52

Thought OP was going to another bus stop today….

queenofcruises · 19/04/2024 18:36

FinallyPregnant23 · 18/04/2024 15:01

I don’t think you were rude OP. Women dont owe men “nice”. The fact that he came back at you goes to show your instincts were 100% right. Trust your gut and judgement, can’t believe there are so many women on here telling you should hve been more polite to a random man wanting to hit on you at a bus stop, in this day and age, with everything we know now and still have to deal with.

so women dont have to be nice to men? yet when a man is not nice to a woman world war 3 breaks out?

this womans post is nonesense, probably didn't even happen!

he began his conversation with 'excuse me' rather than 'oi love give us a snog'

the one thing i have found on MN is the massive amount of man bashing that goes on! all mem are pigs and wll women are superhearos on here

SabreIsMyFave · 19/04/2024 18:50

SerafinasGoose · 19/04/2024 11:41

I'm equally tired of 'NAMALT' protestations. Or admonitions that OPs should really consider the feelings of men. It happens on every single thread where the OP has complained of violation at the hands of a man. NB. this is not a suggestion that this OP's situation in any way resembles a violation. But if we are discussing sex-based bias, it's fair to bring it up.

This is now a feature of this site. And it's more than just tedious. It's an insidious, slow creep of an attitude that could be actively dangerous to women.

Perhaps those posters are simply recognising that pattern for what it is.

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Yeah this. ^ Whilst I probably would have reacted a bit differently and wondered what the man wanted, the OP was quite within her rights to be rude and offhand with him. It's a free country and she doesn't owe anyone a conversation. The OP's subsequent posts have told us he was there again today, and was sneering at her somewhat.

Some men - and even some women according to this thread - think women should always be polite and lovely, and must always #bekind. 🙄 This man is not able to cope with the fact that the OP isn't the polite, subservient, fluffy little wumman that he wants her to be.

Whilst I don't think it's anything to be proud of - being offhand all the time to everyone - I also think no-one owes anyone a conversation, a reaction, or a smile. I know some people may think 'what if everyone was like that?' and 'why not just be nice and chatty and affable?' But it just seems to me that it's always WOMEN who are expected to stop and chat to people, let people offload their shit, and problems, and random dull conversation on them, and above all #BEKIND!

YourFogLightsAreOnTheresNoFog · 19/04/2024 18:54

@queenofcruises be careful, you'll be accused of being a man.

To be honest I couldn't give a shit if some women want to be rude but if someone asks if they are rude I'll tell them that yes you are.

queenofcruises · 19/04/2024 19:10

YourFogLightsAreOnTheresNoFog · 19/04/2024 18:54

@queenofcruises be careful, you'll be accused of being a man.

To be honest I couldn't give a shit if some women want to be rude but if someone asks if they are rude I'll tell them that yes you are.

Edited

i can prove im not a man! lol sorry if that offends anyone.... i do feel sorry for some of the men mentioned here on MN.

GoodAfternoonGoodEveningAndGoodnight · 19/04/2024 19:23

queenofcruises · 19/04/2024 19:10

i can prove im not a man! lol sorry if that offends anyone.... i do feel sorry for some of the men mentioned here on MN.

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Lol, not offended here but what you gonna do, drop yer kecks and flash Mumsnet?! 😂
(I'm a 40 something woman with a dubious sense of humour before anyone accuses me of being a man 😁)
Might wop my tits out as proof too, but there's not much to see and no-one wants to see that anyway 😂

loobylou10 · 19/04/2024 19:53

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queenofcruises · 19/04/2024 19:56

GoodAfternoonGoodEveningAndGoodnight · 19/04/2024 19:23

Lol, not offended here but what you gonna do, drop yer kecks and flash Mumsnet?! 😂
(I'm a 40 something woman with a dubious sense of humour before anyone accuses me of being a man 😁)
Might wop my tits out as proof too, but there's not much to see and no-one wants to see that anyway 😂

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ooo best offer ive had all week.... you are right i cannot prove it! pants!! hm... what would i know or say to prove i am not a man??

Bellsandthistle · 19/04/2024 20:12

Tbf if I saw a woman bark “no” at someone who said “excuse me” I would probably sneer at them the next time I saw them too. And probably use another bus stop because that woman is clearly batshit.

AspiringChatBot · 19/04/2024 22:08

Bellsandthistle · 19/04/2024 20:12

Tbf if I saw a woman bark “no” at someone who said “excuse me” I would probably sneer at them the next time I saw them too. And probably use another bus stop because that woman is clearly batshit.

Would you, aye.

Valeriekat · 19/04/2024 22:36

AE9766 · 18/04/2024 12:15

It sounds like you assumed he was trying to hit on you. How arrogant of you. Do you think you're "all that"? You were waiting at a bus stop, you can't be that special.

Poor man!

She might be "all that" you don't know do you?

GoodAfternoonGoodEveningAndGoodnight · 19/04/2024 23:39

queenofcruises · 19/04/2024 19:56

ooo best offer ive had all week.... you are right i cannot prove it! pants!! hm... what would i know or say to prove i am not a man??

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😁

Mothership4two · 20/04/2024 07:41

Lots of posters on here are accusing other posters of expecting women to be overly polite and subservient to men, which I don't see. Not sure if they are being deliberately obtuse or bringing in sexism just to make a point. OP asked if she was rude, many posters have said "yes you were" - to me it didn't matter if she barked "no" at a man, woman or lowland gorilla, I think she was rude. Does it matter in the scheme of things? No not really.

Bring in gender politics if that floats your boat but it is beside the point of this thread IMO. There seem to be those who view anyone with a penis as some sort of nefarious character plotting to steal your virtue, if that's how you live your life go ahead, but I would hate to live that way and that has not been my experience on the whole - although I expect IRL things aren't quite as black and white as some posters are making out.

Mothership4two · 20/04/2024 07:44

Pants and bra are staying firmly on! Don't want to scare the horses.

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 21/04/2024 15:13

All these 'what if he was asking the time, the bus schedule'. Maybe I'm way off base here, but I assume a majority of adults have a phone that tells them the time and has Google to figure out what bus you need to take. Or maybe just a watch for the time. In central London when I see tourists, I have no issue with anyone asking for directions, it is clear they need.

I often don't engage with randoms unless it is indicated I should e.g. tourists. The other day a bloke tried to ask me for 'help' when 3 other men were nearby. He clearly wanted money and he thought I was an easy mark. I completely ignore chuggers. If they block my way I just walk around them and pretend I am on a phone call when actually listening to an audio book.

RampantIvy · 21/04/2024 16:35

Maybe I'm way off base here, but I assume a majority of adults have a phone that tells them the time and has Google to figure out what bus you need to take. Or maybe just a watch for the time.

Or maybe his phone had died. And not everyone wears a watch these days.

There are too many maybes.

I still wouldn't have assumed from a simple "excuse me" that someone was wanting to get their leg over. Besides, I'm nosy, and if someone had said excuse me I would have wanted to know what they wanted. If they had then been rude and suggestive then they would have got a sharp "no" from me.

Iwasafool · 21/04/2024 16:36

ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 21/04/2024 15:13

All these 'what if he was asking the time, the bus schedule'. Maybe I'm way off base here, but I assume a majority of adults have a phone that tells them the time and has Google to figure out what bus you need to take. Or maybe just a watch for the time. In central London when I see tourists, I have no issue with anyone asking for directions, it is clear they need.

I often don't engage with randoms unless it is indicated I should e.g. tourists. The other day a bloke tried to ask me for 'help' when 3 other men were nearby. He clearly wanted money and he thought I was an easy mark. I completely ignore chuggers. If they block my way I just walk around them and pretend I am on a phone call when actually listening to an audio book.

My phone broke yesterday when I was at a station waiting for a connection, train delayed and I couldn't let anyone know. Technology is truly wonderful when it works.