Rude or polite

[Dullardmullard]

I told him no

context is
a man approach me at the bus stop and said excuse me and I said no right away. He then came back and said you could of said I’m not interested.

no meant I wasn’t interested
no meant no

I stand by my no, but some friends/colleagues said I was rude and I don’t think I was.

ive said not interested in the past and got abused verbally.

I normally have my headphones in but I forgot them this morning

"Rude" is a cultural construct, dependent on local context. Assuming this happened in the UK (because that's the source of most of the traffic on this site) then by traditional rules of etiquette yes, "no" as a response to "excuse me" was probably rude - especially as from his perspective it probably seemed like an interruption of whatever he was planning to say to you. (However, an immediate "I'm not interested" seems equally rude - and as you've said, you've had pushback from that response too.) In the same cultural context, TELLING you that you were rude would be considered even more rude than your original arguably rude behaviour.

All that said, you have every right to be "rude". If you don't have the bandwidth to have a conversation with a stranger, then shutting it down immediately is the best thing for both of you. I learned this the hard way when I first started solo travelling - in some places a lone traveller, especially a woman, is approached constantly and unfortunately ANY response can be perceived as encouragement and result in an intrusive and possibly even dangerous interaction. When I first got the advice to ignore any approached completely I thought it was way over the top and paranoid, but I soon learned that it really was the best strategy (out of a lot of imperfect possibilities). Yes, putting up the barrier proactively CAN mean you also shut out interactions that could be pleasant and helpful, but that's a risk you take and no one else can decide for you what's an acceptable level of risk.

And in my experience this has very little to do with thinking a person is interested in you sexually, let alone romantically - there are lots of much more common types of unwelcome intrusions.

OP, every single person on here has said you were rude.

Your posts are hard to read, they don't really make sense and I have read them all.
You use the fact that he came back as a reason to prove yourself right, but that doesn't make sense.

You said NO before you knew what he wanted, before he said 'you could have said you weren't interested' before any of that was clear, you said no.

yes that was rude.

I do get it that women are taught to be 'nice' and why should we be nice when a block chats us up at a busstop? But you didn't wait for him to chat you up, you were just rude before he had done anything.

I now think he should be grateful you didn’t wish to engage in chat with him, this is all so weird

RM: "excuse me?"

OP: "no"

RM walks away.

2 minutes later RM walks back...

RM: "you could have said you were not interested!"

RM (presumably) walks away again.

That sounds very odd and not very realistic. Human beings don't usually communicate in such a stilted way. So either OP is leaving some of the conversation out (which would probably have made her posts much clearer) or they are a pair of robots.

I'm not sure why OP is so angry at him, her colleagues or posters on here?

I am baffled by the title of the post. Not "rude or not rude" but "rude or polite". In what kinds of circumstances/cultures interrupting someone mid sentence to shout "no" would be considered polite?
Oh, and I hope it is polite of me to note that it should read "could have" not "could of".

How old are you? I don't think anybody is being dense. You were rude.

I’d at least let him say more than “excuse me”. He might want directions or something like that, not every man wants to chat you up or harass you!

Yes you were very rude.

But what’s even weirder is the fact that you told friends/colleagues who all disagreed with you and now you’ve come on MN and are obviously getting annoyed that posters are disagreeing with you.

Do you always feel the need to be right?

Why is this encounter such a big deal?
If you don’t think you were rude then it’s a non issue isn’t it.

I bet you are a horror to date.

You were definitely not polite.

OP, you’re clearly entrenched in your view so why are you canvassing opinion?

😭😭

Yes, you're rude op. Why would you assume he's coming on to you? 😂😂

You were rude then and you're being rude now

That guy is one lucky man.

I think he had a lucky escape.

What?! What are you going on about?!

Women can disagree with other women you know?! If a woman posts, women can say that they're being unreasonable! Women don't have to stand up for other women come hell or high water!

I think she was rude. I'm definitely not jealous of her, I don't think men should rule the world and women sit quietly to be seen and not heard 🤣

Absolutely nuts 😆

You were bloody rude, he said excuse me? And you said ‘’no’’ straight away without even knowing what he wanted? He could have wanted to know the time. You’re a bit presumptuous to assume he wanted a date or something 🤣

lol... just because i gave a explaination of why i felt the response was rude does not make me triggered!! this is ridiculous, this is how normal people have discussions.... im not jealous of the OP nor do i feel men OR women should rule the world independantly.... we are allowed to not agree with our fellow females?

Oh gasp.
How dare a woman say no to a man.

Better to let him blather on and be a pest rather than hurting his little feelers.

This whole thread is bizarre and confusing 🫤🫤 I need a lie down from trying to understand it all.🤪🤪

The man could have been wanting to ask the time, ask about the bus, wanting a light for a cigarette, directions, a whole host of possibilities 🤷🏻‍♀️

And yes OP, you were rude .. and continue to be rude on this thread.

It was a bit rude, but so what, really?

OP doesn't know this person, doesn't owe him anything. If she wants to just be left alone, then she has every right to not engage with random men on the street.

Pig Ignorant - he might have needed help

He said "excuse me?" (according to OP)

My reaction would be no different if a woman had approached her or if their genders were switched. The interaction that the OP is describing sounds odd and she was rude.