Thinking that women would benefit if they were more open minded about height in a potential partner…

[Moonfishstar]

… and not write off the majority of men who are under 6 foot (85%).

Women seem to be fighting for a small proportion of men - with the disappointment that will inevitably bring to the many who inevitably won’t succeed. Of course, it’s even crapper for the good,
but short, men out there.

Of course, we all fancy who we fancy, and I’m not saying we should date shorter (or even average!) men out of pity or a “sense of fairness”, but how much of women’s desire to bag a tall guy is actually societal, and down to how they think other women will view them?

I'd pick shorter than me any day, providing he was also kind, funny, easy-going, capable, considerate, curious about life and showed great generosity of spirit.
Currently with tall adonis who, on reflection, doesn't tick all those boxes. Stupid mistake.

Also agree with a PP - on the apps, men lie about their height. I've chatted to men claiming to be 5'9 and turned up to a date to meet someone shorter than me - at 5'7.

So when I was on the apps I typically veered towards 5'10 and up - that would guarantee that even if they'd fibbed, they would likely still be taller than me. I don't want to date a man shorter.

I don't think this is an uncommon tactic employed by women, so any conclusions drawn from preferences on apps may be a bit skewed

My post literally says "generally" and "seem to."

Are you actually saying that it isn't OK to point out cultural tendencies even while explicitly stating that THIS IS A GENERALIZATION AND EVERY INDIVIDUAL IS DIFFERENT ETC ETC?

My experience of the US and Americans is that there is generally more emphasis on height. I stand by this observation. Of course it will depend on the individual concerned.

The number of 25 year old virgins has skyrocketed over the past decade. Hypergamy seems to be more of a thing in the young than it was.

Oh here we go, "hypergamy". Tick another box in MRA Bingo.

Do we, as women, not compromise enough?? If a woman wants a tall man let them want a tall man 😂

Oh FFS OP, referring to "hypergamy" when talking about the necessity for women in the 19th century to have a marriage that would support them - this in a time when their sex and their social class meant they could not work - and talking as if it's the same situation is bullshit.

Even more so is referring to some modern fiction about the period. None of this makes you look any less like an incel MRA, however much you claim not to be. Or worse, a feMRA.

The OP is probably not a man - I've seen quite a few women online who talk like this, including some "reactionary feminist" types.

What on earth is a "reactionary feminist"?

It’s good that you don’t believe the dating world is shit at present, but a quick look at the Relationships board on here would show you that most women seem to disagree , often very strongly…..at least those are trying to date to find a relationship rather than a hook up, which is most women over 30.

Yes, women don’t “need” to be in a relationship like they did, and have more options, but that’s because the “world” (at least in the West) is better for women than it was, not the “dating world” for those looking for a relationship.

I’m not insistent that ALL women care about height. Clearly that’s not the case.

But equally it’s silly to pretend that no women, or a very very tiny proportion of women, care about height, because many do, as evidenced by many studies and many posts on this thread.

I think hypergamy exists today - and you don’t have to be an incel to think so ffs - see Women’s Health article.

https://www.womenshealthmag.com/relationships/a36958388/hypergamy-definition/

No, not every woman is, but this idea that most women have evolved into a state of pure rationality and reasonableness, and enter relationships with men with total equity without a hint of traditional gender roles is fantasy. I’m not making a moral judgment about whether this is right or wrong, it’s just reality, including for those who consider themselves progressives.

@Catsmere

And an academic study in hypergamy that doesn’t mention Bridgerton!

https://jhr.uwpress.org/content/58/1/260#:~:text=Hence%2C%20based%20on%20these%20summary,either%20increasing%20or%20decreasing%20hypergamy.

You may not think it should be a thing, and it may not be something that features in your relationships - and that’s good - but pretending it doesn’t exist is akin to living in a feminist utopian fantasy.

And this idea that anyone who doesn’t subscribe to your utopian worldview must be an incel is pretty offensive…. not that I’m personally offended.

To summarise the long paper:

”Hence, based on these summary statistics, there is no clear evidence of either increasing or decreasing hypergamy.”

But equally it’s silly to pretend that no women, or a very very tiny proportion of women, care about height, because many do, as evidenced by many studies and many posts on this thread

I am tall myself so yes, I do care about height in a man. So fcking what? I'm 5'9" - 6 foot in heels, do you expect me to feel guilty for not dating a man of 5'2"?

Do you accept that actually many men have an issue with taller women?- I have been told by a few men that I am "too tall" to date. I've dated men shorter than me who told me not to wear heels because it makes them feel insecure about their height. Should I just obey them and shut up and let them control what I wear due to it, because poor them.

My husband is 5'10" and loves the fact I am tall but I have found that many shorter men have an issue with me, not the other way around because they are the ones bringing up the height issue all the time, not me.

I am aware that I am not for everyone and I love my height, if someone doesnt want to date me as a tall woman thats fine. I'm not gonna get all pissy and whiny about it as none of us can have whomever we like- people are either attracted to you or they arent. But you are being very disingenuous to suggest that this is all a female issue- as I said above, men also have an issue with women's height and you have conveniently ignored that fact.

More evidence to show that hypergamy isn’t all in the febrile imaginations of incels…

https://ifstudies.org/blog/whither-hypergamy

I know I’m labouring my point, but I’m just really pissed off that some posters think that simply referencing this reality makes me an incel or Fem-MRA type.

I am not sure anyone is denying that people want an attractive partner. Typically, women would like a partner who is wealthy, clever, high status, athletic and tall rather than now.
Men might put looks first, but that is no different really.
OP, what do you think of women who prefer a short and dumb partner, as many men do? Does that not say something worse about the relationship they are after?

Regarding “hypergamy”, what I have found is there is no point in dating ‘down’ economically / career wise because men’s fragile egos can’t handle it and they resent you.

I’ve never said this was a woman only issue, so I can’t see how I’m being disingenuous! Of course, men have their hang ups too. I’ve never suggested otherwise!

I’ve never said this was a woman only issue, so I can’t see how I’m being disingenuous! Of course, men have their hang ups too. I’ve never suggested otherwise!

So then why isnt your post directed at both genders?

What are your thoughts on the men who have told me I am too tall?

I don’t see how this line of thinking which says “men are attracted in shallow ways - bigs boobs, preferring less intelligent women etc - so why shouldn’t we be allowed to be the same” helps at all…. It reduces everything to its lowest common denominator, and brings out the worst in us. It’s what primary schools kids say when trying to get their way.

My friend is 5ft 8 and has always been successful with women! He's polite, charming, hard working & good looking, always had them lining up. His wife is lovely too. Theyve been happily married 15 years.

Agree with a pp this sounds like an incel moan, i don't think women target taller men at all. We target nicer, respectful men....

Because this is a board predominantly used by women, so the post was focussed on something I was thinking about.

Are we no longer able to discuss things to do with women without having to involve men?

Ultimately those men shouldn’t force or feign attraction, but they also may have had prejudices that needlessly stood in the way.

For instance, I used to find any tattoos off putting due to some weird hang-ups. It wasn’t anything innate biologically that meant I couldn’t fancy a guy who had them, as I then met someone I liked who had a couple, and I got over it. Height may be in that category for some men (and women).

Dont you think it comes across as a little misogynistic?- women should look past height and give men a chance. When people bring up the fact that men are very appearance focused you say we cant mention that as its like primary school. So, what you are saying is, it's fine for men to choose women based on their looks but women shouldn't- we should be "better" than that. But why- why should we be better?

Women have been judged on their appearances for decades (eg being slim and youthful) and still are FAR more than men ever have so really, in terms of this being a predominantly female site, surely you should be focusing on that.

Again, What are your thoughts on the men who have told me I am too tall?

'You may not think it should be a thing, and it may not be something that features in your relationships - and that’s good - but pretending it doesn’t exist is akin to living in a feminist utopian fantasy.

And this idea that anyone who doesn’t subscribe to your utopian worldview must be an incel is pretty offensive…. not that I’m personally offended.'

I dont think you get that whilst you are offended at anyone that mentions incel, that we arent allowed to be offended when someone states the 'feminist utopian fantasy' card. Thats offensive.