To think parents of only children are selfish

[Zara7]

I've just had a very interesting discussion with a 24 year old only child which sadly ended in tears. She said, she's upset her parents didn't have any more children because she grew up feeling very lonely. She's also very upset that she'll never be an aunt and her kids will not have first cousins.

I have not considered any of this and the conversation has really got me thinking as I am a parent to an only child (6 yo DD). I would've loved to have had another child but divorce happened and ex was/is a shit dad. Although, I'm 30 and have time to meet someone and start a family, but I really love my new-found independence now that DD is older, financial freedom and job. I don't want to have give up any of it up.

I feel selfish and inconsiderate of DD's future and feelings.

The problem with only children who say they hate being an only child, is that they don't actually know whether they would enjoy having a sibling because they have never experienced it. They often have a rosey, romanticised view of what it is like: e.g. a constant playmate growing up and a source of support in adulthood. The reality can often be a lot of fighting and bickering growing up and indifference once you are adults.

I have a sibling who is very different to me, now lives abroad, and is pretty crap at staying in touch with me. My sibling also has no plans for kids of their own.

I am jealous of friends who have siblings that they are close to. As an adult, I may as well be an only child, so my parents didn't guarantee me wider family support simply by having another kid.

I think it's a very sweeping statement to say that having an only child is selfish.
I have a friend who suffered severe blood loss having her daughter so decided she couldn't go through the trauma again, so only had the one child - Yes, she's very selfish not to want to risk her life so her daughter won't be lonely.

My daughter's 18mo is a very poor sleeper. He has never slept an entire night and is up, on average, between 2 and 4 times every night, sometimes for an hour. She has to get up to start work as a nurse at 7 for a 12 hour shift, so yes, she's very selfish in deciding she can't go through this again.

Absolutely! This is what I think all the time too.

YABU. DH is his DM only as she was widowed when he was seven months old. When DH was six his DM met the man who would become DH DF. DF had two DC from his first marriage who were then aged 15 & 14. They refused to have anything to with my DH or his DM as they were still angry over the divorce. It is only now they are 49 and 50 they have started talking to my DH and consider him a step sibling. DH never felt lonely as an only child and is now a wonderful uncle to my nieces. My two siblings and I meet up a few times a year for family get togethers but we are not close.

My sibling is a disgusting low life. Would’ve quite happily been an only child.

I was surprised when my adult son told me he didn’t mind not having any siblings. He said it’s not something he misses because he’s never had it.
However, because I wasn’t able to have any more children I brought him up to be as independent as possible and know the benefit of having a small group of close friends all his life. He has no other close family alive except me now.
It prepares him for life when I am gone and I think he has been appreciative of my parenting style. Siblings aren’t always close and often choose to be childless.