To be annoyed what DH said regarding periods.

[Puskaboots]

For context he's not usually like this so maybe that's why I was a bit taken aback.

I'm having a bad period. Approaching 40 and I don't know whether my periods are getting worse or if my pain tolerance is weakening with age?

But each month I end up in bed a couple of days. Migraine pre bleed then painkillers, hot water bottle. Pains in my back, my legs, nausea on the first day of period.

So today has been one of those days. Period started this morning. I've taken pills. Been in bed.

Came down to make kids tea and told DH I was going back to bed after and one of the kids can tidy the kitchen /do dishwasher.

I said 'sorry, I'm hurting, I'm going back to bed'

And his response was 'how many periods have you had now?'

In a really snarky way.

I asked him what he meant and he obviously regret saying it and tried to play it off like he was genuinely just trying to figure it out mathematically.

But the look and way he said it was like' shouldn't you be used to it by now? / just get on with it? '

I can understand his frustration, I hate that I'm so affected by it 2 days every month but it's not fun. It's not a choice.

And he doesn't understand how much it hurts :(

And he will never know. I wish he could just experience one period so he would understand.

To be fair to him it's the first time he's ever made a comment like that and it's quite out of character but it hurt, like I'm being dramatic.

I'm not even sure why I'm posting, frustration?

They just have no clue do they???

Poor you OP this is horrible!

you’re right men don’t understand. some try to understand, some don’t.

I think you should go back to the doctors and INSIST on some care. Ask for a woman doctor. Explain every symptom- keep a written diary with a time and date and show her. Keep a list of when you’ve taken painkillers along with dates and times.

Make a written list of all contraception you’ve had in the past without a reduction in symptoms and show her that.

Take your husband as back up. Make sure he speaks up in the appointment about how this is affecting you and your home life. (Sadly studies show that a man sat with you and repeating your difficulties helps to get the point across.)

If you have no success with one GP, go back and see another and another until you receive the care you need. Be persistent - we’re so often dismissed.

I really think you need a proper gynne review , something like a mirena could be transformative .

As other people have said- when until you are up and about, wait for a quiet time and detail exactly how bad it is. And how, usually, you are up and about even with the pain- but there are times it is intolerable. And point out how crappy his remark was.

Yes totally agree I am on my second Mirer coil now,
What a difference its made in regards of heavy periods and all the near misses and actual period stains accidents the hazzle stress etc,

You beat me to it mentioning how 🤔 transformative its been for me,
@Carriemac

Maybe you should have kicked him in the balls.

you’re right men don’t understand. some try to understand, some don’t

cmon now, it’s very unusual to spend two days a month in bed as menstruating, it’s very extreme and unfortunate for the op, so she needs to seek and keep seeking help as this is so sad for her.

Mine began to be more frequent, more painful and heavier as soon as I hit 40. 2 a month every month. It floored me. I ended up back on the pill while I waited for a coil fitting (Practice nurse failed had to go to hospital) and it changed my life. I have the mirena now and although in the early stages it is going well. It's like I've got my life back.

Have you considered that you might have endometriosis? That could account for your periods getting worse, as each period could be laying down new adhesions so you've got more now than you had before. As for 'flow isn't heavy' - neither was mine. I'd discounted endo as a possibility because so much of what I'd read associated it with a heavy flow; but that's just another endo myth. I definitely had it, the endoscopy took a lovely photograph of it!

It would be worth raising the matter with your GP, getting referred to a gynecologist. Apart from the pain, those adhesions can cause all sorts of problems that will persist into menopause.

Op what your describing isn't normal. It's not nice that your DH isn't being supportive but it must be frustrating if you are in bed due to just having your period for 2 days a month.

Get to the GP as it may be that you've got an ovarian cyst or something or started approaching perimenopause and it may be worth considering HRT or mini pill or mirena coil etc. don't suffer on like you are.

My mistype - laprascopy, not endoscopy.

i cannot believe that in this day and age women are still not being helped with a problem that has such a negative effect on so many. My periods were neve easy and got much worse in my 40's (this was in the mid 1990's) with flooding, and a level of pain that rendered me speechless and almost unable to move. I tried going to the GP on several occasions but was not offered any help. I did have a scan which revealed two fibroids but was told that as they were small nothing was going to be done. Post menopause I developed a big painful ovarian cyst and had to have a few scans and tests. The woman who did the scan said to me "Your periods must have been horrific", she said that this was because the fibroids had grown one on top of the other and the size was irrelevant, it was the growth and position that had caused my problems. I suffered a lot all those years ago and was dismissed. I would like to think that this was not the case now

Even if the pain is always the same, sometimes you just can't tolerate it.

Does he ever get headaches?

Does he find each one easier to deal with than the last?

(Not comparing a headache to a migraine btw!)

I think you should just spend the two days in bed.

Did he think that because you managed to feed the kids it wasn't that bad?

Why hadn't he done it?

Why didn't he take over/help/send you back to bed?

I hope you get sorted out Op.

It sounds utterly miserable.

After no contraceptives for over 10yrs, I'm going on the implant this month for heavy irregular periods. If only we could switch them on when we wanted to reproduce and keep them off the rest of the time.

You can get ferrous fumarate and ferrous sulphate without a prescription - you need to ask the pharmacist (as I did yesterday, and as she was checking the shelves, asked me which I'd asked for, so I know they had both.)

I am prone to anaemia, and have been prescribed it in the past when blood tests show I need it, so just take it when I've got my period.

Id ask him if he got kicked in the balls continuously for 5-7 days each months, would he get used to it...

Mirena changed my life, light spotting for a few months while it settled down but apart from that havent had a period for 5 years, got it when I just turned 46 and OMG I wish I had got it sooner. I used to suffer so badly and now, nothing.

Its localised hormones so it doesnt have the same effect as the pill or DEPO (which turned me in a raging maniac, I was foul the whole time I was on it).

Have you seen those videos of couples wired up to period simulator machines? He's often incoherent, while she's just carrying on a normal conversation.

Or the big brave firefighters and policemen reduced to wordless grimaces as the tech turns up the heat ...

The teen boys squealing and writhing ...

I feel every male gynaecologist /IUD fitter / hysteroscopist etc who airily tells women that what he's about to do to them will just feel like a period pain - and every female gynae who's never really suffered much herself - should have to experience this during their training.

https://duckduckgo.com/?q=period+simulator+machine+videos&t=fpas&pn=1&iax=videos&ia=videos&iai=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DJob1S4SQsKw

I'm so sorry that you're going through this. I truly think if men had to deal with it there would be much more research and a better understanding/help.

I also suffered badly, but in my experience some women don't understand any better than men, what some women go through. I used to throw up, faint, and generally be in awful pain one or two days a month.

In a mixed group one time I was shocked to hear a girl say than she couldn't understand why people made "such a fuss over losing less than a teaspoon of blood"! Heck, I regularly lost clots akin to golf balls, no cause was ever found, I dumped one long-term partner because I apparently "ruined" HIS weekend by being "ill", and shutting yourself in a meeting room at work to writhe around in agony and throw up/pass out because you can't safely travel home, is not exactly fun.

When you're feeling less delicate, explain to him how disruptive it is to your life and maybe he'll come to understand.

No, we are trying to help the poor woman not be in so much pain that she has to be in bed for 2 days?
There are different types of hormonal contraception, they work differently and without knowing has the OP ever had the Mirena for instance we don't know whether to rule it out
Transdermal body identical HRT is very different to hormonal contraception, the contraception causing weight gain etc doesn't automatically mean HRT will

I understand where you are coming from OP, I was the same but then after having my son I started having extreme ovulation pain too. My GP was great, sent me for ultrasounds etc but in the end I am on the mini pill and life is sooooo much better.

Sorry, I don’t have time to read the whole thread but I have endometriosis. I have MyOovi tens machine and it’s changed my life. It’s amazing - worth trying if you haven’t done so. Honestly, my pain has reduced so much that I’m not floored every month any more. Try it!

Aarrgghhh men can be such selfish idiots. He's bang out of order.

Did you think about endometriosis perhaps? So much pain is not normal. Doctors are usually dismissive because it’s hard to diagnose and also it needs some type of hormonal treatment, perhaps surgical intervention as well.
And regarding your husbands comment I get the snarky reaction where they get fed up with us winging about it because it’s every month but also we are the ones who go through it so just tell him how that comment made you feel and ask him to be more considerate around those times as you’re already in pain, you don’t need anymore bashing from the one who should support you unconditionally.

I used to experience hormonal headaches and migraines every month, came off the pill and got a mirena coil fitted and it made a world of difference. May be worth a try? Good luck, hope you can find a way to stop the monthly suffering.

I’ve endured a 4 year battle to be listened to and diagnosed as perimenopausal. Heavier and more painful periods, excruciating anxiety and depression, breast cysts, womb thickenings and bigger fibroids to mention but a few. If you see your doctor be tough and demand you’re listened to because I wasn’t and was told I was too young over and over again. I was finally put on the right path last week by a women’s health nurse at my surgery which I didn’t know existed, she happened to be doing my smear test and we got talking and was appalled I’d suffered so long and had all these tests screaming perimenopause and it not taken seriously. Please don’t suffer, things have changed and you’re in pain, push to get seen and be heard. I’d had enough of birth control after it started making me go nuts (stopped my periods entirely and pain but as my hormones changed it stopped agreeing with me so I came off it 4 years ago) and don’t want HRT so I’m having a progesterone only mirena fitted next month to hopefully reduce my periods.
As for your husband, this maybe a one off flippant comment. Sit him down and literally spell it out for him and Google together what is potentially happening to you. My DH has been amazing and knew I was off before I even realised myself. We did a bit of research and got ourselves on the same page. He’s been through a range of things with me but he’s clued up and there to support and cheer me on. It’s tough and this is only the start. You need people in your corner. Good luck OP, keep fighting on.