To be annoyed what DH said regarding periods.

[Puskaboots]

For context he's not usually like this so maybe that's why I was a bit taken aback.

I'm having a bad period. Approaching 40 and I don't know whether my periods are getting worse or if my pain tolerance is weakening with age?

But each month I end up in bed a couple of days. Migraine pre bleed then painkillers, hot water bottle. Pains in my back, my legs, nausea on the first day of period.

So today has been one of those days. Period started this morning. I've taken pills. Been in bed.

Came down to make kids tea and told DH I was going back to bed after and one of the kids can tidy the kitchen /do dishwasher.

I said 'sorry, I'm hurting, I'm going back to bed'

And his response was 'how many periods have you had now?'

In a really snarky way.

I asked him what he meant and he obviously regret saying it and tried to play it off like he was genuinely just trying to figure it out mathematically.

But the look and way he said it was like' shouldn't you be used to it by now? / just get on with it? '

I can understand his frustration, I hate that I'm so affected by it 2 days every month but it's not fun. It's not a choice.

And he doesn't understand how much it hurts :(

And he will never know. I wish he could just experience one period so he would understand.

To be fair to him it's the first time he's ever made a comment like that and it's quite out of character but it hurt, like I'm being dramatic.

I'm not even sure why I'm posting, frustration?

They just have no clue do they???

My periods aren’t awful but they still make me feel like absolute shit every month.

We shouldn’t have to suck it up and not moan just because we have them regularly.

If this was a disability or health condition that flared up once a month, people (men) would be more sympathetic.
Its why women struggle with male GPs taking them seriously because they have the same attitude as your DH.

I would be really pissed off and I would explain just how painful they are and how you are doing your best each month.

I would also make sure that you take the time for yourself every month and do whatever you need to do to feel better because I can guarantee that if he was ill or in pain he would.

I wonder if it was the combined pill
You didn’t get on with before? The mini pool might be worth a try seeing as it’s also years later and our bodies change. It’s got rid of my periods and associated migraines. I think there is also a non hormonal coil?! 🤔
Periods shouldn’t cause two days bed bound. A GP can also offer migraine pills and other types of things not just pain killers. Could you have endo?

Pycnogel - a supplement made from pine bark extract was an absolute game changer for me.
I'd read it had been proven effective for period pain in scientific trials, though I can't vouch for that.

I was at the point where periods felt exactly like to worse miscarrying / being in labour. I was totally debilitated and this has really helped.

It won't help with your husband's bad attitude though.

@Puskaboots YAB massively U for not kicking him in the balls for that comment

for a more civilised option get him one of those period stimulators and insist that he wires up for the duration for each of your periods

you do sound very badly affected though. have you considered alternative treatments such as acupuncture?

He was a jerk. He needs to apologise properly, not make some lame excuse about period maths 🙄

Tell him if he thinks he’s bored of you being in pain then imagine how fucking tired of it you are.

He's allowed to fuck up sometimes but he needs to own it and apologise like a grown up.

Obviously what your partner said isn't acceptable, but I do think you have to push harder to get the GP to take it seriously rather than just accept being that unwell.

Simply from a work perspective how aren't you on sickness management? I don't think I could be off work 2 days a month without someone starting absence management procedures.

It’s really not for most women though!

https://www.endometriosis-uk.org/adenomyosis

He was an arse and should apologise.

However - you seem to be suffering far more than you should be, please speak to a female GP!

I’ve had a fair few very painful and/or excessively heavy periods in the 20 years I’ve been having them, but nothing like on the scale you have described.

Endometriosis or adneomyosis both cause painful periods. Suggest you ask for a gynaecology referral as unfortunately, they frequently get worse with every period.
The mirena IUS is an effective treatment recommended by NICE . Other treatments are possible including surgery.

And they’ve checked for endo, fibroids etc?

I found all hormonal contraception horrid and chose not to take it. the pay off wasn’t worth it, even with the pain.

has GP offered anything other than birth control? Tranamexic or anything anti inflammatory

OP, please push for gynae referral. It is very outdated to expect a woman to bear that kind of pain monthly without (recent) examination.

Sounds as if he was feeling mighty sorry for himself, having to parent on his own for the evening.

Diddums...

My old boss (who is a women) said something similar about periods. "How long have women been having our moon for now? As though, what previous generations went through is supposed to make it any better for the current!

Rather rude of him but can see his point. It isn’t normal to spend two days in bed every month because of your period. It would be regarded as very indulgent in my house. There must be something you can take.

Came down to make kids tea and told DH I was going back to bed after
Ummmmm... why didn't you tell DH he needs to make the kids their tea? Why did you drag yourself out of bed when there was another adult in the house??

You need to rip him a new one about his snippiness, then do it again for him being lazy and selfish regarding cooking dinner for you all. Then do it a third time so it really sinks in.

Indulgent? Really? That's fairly strong, no? No one would be concerned or supportive? 🤔

Wasn't there some research fairly recently that said period pain can be worse than a heart attack? I remember it, because I wondered if I'd notice a heart attack, then...

My GP said, "no woman in this day and age should be experiencing periods that interrupt her life." There's a range of treatments these days- I started with tranexamic acid, which is usually enough, but there's other stuff through Mirena right up to hysterectomy. You should at least get a referral to gynae to check for endometriosis or anything else that could be exacerbating your pain levels. They are likely to get worse through peri, so better to get things rolling - you're not just experiencing painful periods that's fixed by a couple of Anadin - you're getting migraines and nausea and so on, and they can do something.

Here's a couple of articles for your husband.

https://www.ucl.ac.uk/news/headlines/2018/mar/doctors-finally-confirm-period-pain-can-be-painful-heart-attack

https://www.independent.co.uk/voices/period-pain-is-officially-as-bad-as-a-heart-attack-so-why-have-doctors-ignored-it-the-answer-is-simple-a6883831.html

I've never had symptoms anywhere near what you're describing. It sounds awful! I think I've taken ONE painkiller for a period related pain my entire life. I had mild cramps until around age 30 and now I don't even really get that. And certainly no migraines/ nausea etc. I'm so sorry you have to put up with all that!

I remember it, because I wondered if I'd notice a heart attack, then..

I didn't realise anything out of the ordinary was happening when I had appendicitis. Spending the day curled up on the floor unable to move wasn't a sufficient clue, because it was only really the loss of appetite that distinguished it from a 'normal' month.

But being common doesn't make it normal. Do see the GP again, OP, and insist on a proper investigation.

Great concept though! And afterwards say to him,with a witheringly judgemental look: “Oh,come on…how many times have you been accidentally kicked in the balls in your lifetime? Surely you’re used to it by now?”
OP,repetitive pain is pain. We get used to coping with it,which is not the same as not feeling it.

I don't blame your husband for making one small comment. If my partner was out of action every month for a condition that most other men are not knocked out by, I'd also get frustrated.

Periods that impact your life in this way are not normal. Like so many people who suffer from chronic conditions, you are so used to it that you can't see how bad it is. You absolutely need to get medical advice here, and try ALL the treatments until you find one that works.

Think about this: if you have a 28 day cycle and you're out of action for 2 days a month, that's 26 days a year. 26 days - almost 4 full weeks - of pain, nausea, barely getting through a day. Please don't settle for losing so much precious time when you don't have to. You deserve better. (And so do your husband and kids, but mainly you.)

I'm about to turn 40 and am in peri menopause;the changes in my periods are no joke.

You're husband's being a dickhead;most men have no clue about these changes

What you need is a patio and an alibi.

My periods got worse in my forties. Fortunately, I finally have a decent GP. And a lot of medication. I’m not in the UK. I’ll be talking about ablation at my next visit.

Keep pushing your GP for help. There are many options including medication and surgery. Don’t accept any thing less than pain free. It is the very least a woman deserves and it is attainable when the medical profession pulls their heads out of their arses and treats patients instead of patronizing them.

OP...One time many years ago, my late husband made a comment about my periods - compared me with his ex...

Oops.

I ripped him a new arsehole.

He apologised. It never happened again.