To be annoyed what DH said regarding periods.

[Puskaboots]

For context he's not usually like this so maybe that's why I was a bit taken aback.

I'm having a bad period. Approaching 40 and I don't know whether my periods are getting worse or if my pain tolerance is weakening with age?

But each month I end up in bed a couple of days. Migraine pre bleed then painkillers, hot water bottle. Pains in my back, my legs, nausea on the first day of period.

So today has been one of those days. Period started this morning. I've taken pills. Been in bed.

Came down to make kids tea and told DH I was going back to bed after and one of the kids can tidy the kitchen /do dishwasher.

I said 'sorry, I'm hurting, I'm going back to bed'

And his response was 'how many periods have you had now?'

In a really snarky way.

I asked him what he meant and he obviously regret saying it and tried to play it off like he was genuinely just trying to figure it out mathematically.

But the look and way he said it was like' shouldn't you be used to it by now? / just get on with it? '

I can understand his frustration, I hate that I'm so affected by it 2 days every month but it's not fun. It's not a choice.

And he doesn't understand how much it hurts :(

And he will never know. I wish he could just experience one period so he would understand.

To be fair to him it's the first time he's ever made a comment like that and it's quite out of character but it hurt, like I'm being dramatic.

I'm not even sure why I'm posting, frustration?

They just have no clue do they???

I’ve been there with the awful periods and have a lot of sympathy for you but honestly, if my partner couldn’t function for a couple of days a month I’d expect them to be going back to the doctor to explore options, not just accept there was nothing to be done. Maybe his reaction was a result of his frustration with that.

It's tricky to get help
I went back and back as a teenager then in my twentiesand got a shrug and "painful periods are normal"
Years on it turns out I have endometriosis and I'm now waiting to see gynae. But that's a years wait and I keep ending up in a&e because I can't get the pain under control
If they had referred me first my endo might not be as widespread now

I also get the hell of the migraines, nausea and cramps every month now too OP (I'm 42) and it's definitely got worse since I got into my 40s. You have my total sympathy, it's AWFUL. I even try to plan my holidays around my periods so I don't get the hell on travel days or while I'm away.
It's a genuine shame that you can't pass on the pain for a month so he can feel what it's like. I'm sure he'd shut up with the snarky comments pretty quickly then.

Watch men try out period simulators on YouTube - either to show him later or just to help relieve your frustration with laughter.

Sorry to hear about your endo, that sounds really tough and not an easy problem to solve.

This, really.

I have masses of sympathy for you and it sounds horrific but it also sounds like you won’t consider a lot of the things that could help, and that must be frustrating for him. I’d hope that I could be patient and understanding if DH had pain that caused him to be bedbound for two days a month, but I can see that it might run thin every now and again.

It’s such a lot of time to be bed bound.

I desperately wish that my husband could experience just one really awful period (including the constant admin of just dealing with all the blood, having to change every hour throughout the day, and the clots etc 🤢)

I also wish he could experience one "standard" period, so he could appreciate the discomfort and inconvenience of not even a bad period.

Then again, I wish my husband could experience just one totally straightforward pregnancy and birth (I've done 4!) and that he had the metabolism of a perimenopausal shortarse just for a month or so 🤣🤣

I felt the same way about you as not wanting to go on anything but periods can get much worse in your 40s. I'm 42 now and the last year has been extremely heavy with loads of flooding to the point where two days a month I'm struggling to even do the school run without ruining a pair of trousers. It's got to difficult to manage a normal life I've decided I'm going to try Mirena. I will report back after a few months.
So maybe don't rule out trying something new. Your ability to live a normal life matters too.
Tell DH he gets to have an opinion when he's has a painful period of his own. And yes, zero sympathy next time he has man flu.

Do you get DEXA scans while on Depo, or has the messeging re its effect on bone density changed? It's 20 years since I was on it so things may well have changed

Not read through but have you considered mirena coil or meflemenic acid. Sounds worth a GP chat?

He knew you suffered like this when he married you.

What a dick

Had one when I went to a private consultant after issues in year one but nothing since then. No issues though

Google period simulator.
It's apparently pretty good.
Research it and get your DH to try it.

For mirena at 40 as part of hrt. Wish I had it out in years ago. No more periods

DD got a daith piercing which fixed her migraines. Quite a common benefit apparently.

There's a board in the vagina museum where women put a sticky dot on how much pain they're experiencing during their period. I think what you are in the last column for extreme pain. Very few dots op. Have you been assessed for endometriosis? It's not normal to suffer like this every month so go to your gp and stay until they refer you. Just because its your normal doesn't mean you have to suffer.

I used to get a migraine every month with my period. To start with I was spending one day in bed, but then that turned into two. The doctor put me on low dose amitriptyline every night and it's solved the problem. I also had a coil fitted for heavy bleeding (to the point where I was getting difficult to leave the house), having previously had terrible trouble with the pill, but the coil is fine and the bleeding's stopped. You don't have to suffer in silence, go to the doctor and get some help.

It sounds like you DH was thoughtless rather than intentionally mean. I'd suggest having a heart to heart and explaining I'm detail just how badly you are affected by this.

Have you been offered the mini pill - progesterone only? I was really hesitant to start using hormonal treatment again after years off but my periods became unbearable
Its stopped them and I don't seem to have any other side effects
As for your husband he's a dick but I'd be more concerned about you been bedridden for 1-2 days a month than a stupid typical bloke comment

It's awful that you (and so many other women) suffer so much every month.

If he's a good man and the comment is out of character, I'd put it down to a shitty comment born out of stress. I'm sure you're both busy with kids and work and all the rest, and a few days a month it's all on him. Not your fault obviously, but he was probably just feeling a bit stressed. I'm sure many of us have said something uncharacteristically mean when we're feeling a bit overwhelmed.

Tell him you’re happy to kick him in the balls for 5 days every month for the next 25 years and he can let you know at the end of it whether he’s had enough kicks to the balls to no longer react.

I get migraines related and not related to my period, just terrible migraines. If you are also getting sick with them take the migraleve anti sickness tablets or just travel sickness tablets to stop the sickness.

OP, when I hit 40, my periods became really bad.
Pain, nausea, strong ..bla bla. However, 44 now and they eased considerably (not peri yet, child free).
I put these problems to me having 4 vaccines in the past. 🙄
Your husband's comment was that of a 12 yo.
Annoying, infuriating.
But- not for LTB! 😁

I think I would have responded, How many periods have YOU had? Wtf makes you think you have any idea what even a normal period is like, let alone a period that is so painful and debilitating that I have to spend two days in bed? What gives you the right to comment sarcastically on something I experience that you have literally zero clue about? Is it testosterone? Or just entitlement?

And then, when I was done with ranting, I'd go back to the GP and demand they give you some better help and support, because losing days every month to your period is not really okay.

I got a chemical burn on my stomach from these. Still have a scar, be careful!

You need to go back to the doctors if period pain is keeping you in bed and stopping you doing daily activities, that’s not normal.

Personally I take up to 800mg of ibuprofen (4 standard tablets in one go, for first couple of days which makes it tolerable. 2 normal tablets just don’t do anything first couple of days but taking time off work every cycle isn’t an option.

I’m surprised it’s taken your DH so many years to comment and not say go back to the doctors and get / take something stronger.

It is worth going back to your GP. Firstly peace of mind (an ultrasound to check for endometriosis / adenoyosis) and secondly to discuss pain etc. They can prescribe mefanemic acid. It is best taken from before your period starts (so from when you get migraines). It stops you feeling like you hare having your insides ripped out and allows you to get on with your day.