To be annoyed what DH said regarding periods.

[Puskaboots]

For context he's not usually like this so maybe that's why I was a bit taken aback.

I'm having a bad period. Approaching 40 and I don't know whether my periods are getting worse or if my pain tolerance is weakening with age?

But each month I end up in bed a couple of days. Migraine pre bleed then painkillers, hot water bottle. Pains in my back, my legs, nausea on the first day of period.

So today has been one of those days. Period started this morning. I've taken pills. Been in bed.

Came down to make kids tea and told DH I was going back to bed after and one of the kids can tidy the kitchen /do dishwasher.

I said 'sorry, I'm hurting, I'm going back to bed'

And his response was 'how many periods have you had now?'

In a really snarky way.

I asked him what he meant and he obviously regret saying it and tried to play it off like he was genuinely just trying to figure it out mathematically.

But the look and way he said it was like' shouldn't you be used to it by now? / just get on with it? '

I can understand his frustration, I hate that I'm so affected by it 2 days every month but it's not fun. It's not a choice.

And he doesn't understand how much it hurts :(

And he will never know. I wish he could just experience one period so he would understand.

To be fair to him it's the first time he's ever made a comment like that and it's quite out of character but it hurt, like I'm being dramatic.

I'm not even sure why I'm posting, frustration?

They just have no clue do they???

I used to have heavy periods, to the extent I was on for 2 weeks, off for 2 weeks, then on for 2 weeks...
I had an endometrial ablation, a procedure under anaesthtic where your womb lining is removed. So, you still ovulate every month but you don't bleed or have a period.
It doesn't work for everyone, but it was the best thing I ever did. It made my life a lot easier.
By the way, it's not something to consider if you still want more children.

Mine are like this, always have been. I've got endometriosis and adenomyosis, might be worth asking for a laparoscopy if that's something you'd be happy to do.

My doctor put me on a double dose of the progesterone only pill while I await my surgery, made it worse. Plus I've been trying to conceive so don't really want it.
The contraceptive implant took my periods away totally when I used it years ago though, if you'd try that.

I had endo and fibroids. No-one should go that long with periods that debilitating without thorough evaluation.

The thing is, I think this shit does affect some women's careers! I know far more part time, self employed & freelance women than I do men, for example. This is often due to the unexpected difficulty of returning to ordinary work after childbirth but I wonder if unpredictable female physiology plays a role too.

I got a Mirena coil in my 40s and it changed my life - NO more pre period migraines, basically no pmt or periods at all. The freedom was incredible. Please consider it.

Honestly if my partner spent two days in bed every month and seemingly refused to do anything to tackle the issue I probably would struggle to remain sympathetic too.

I have PCOS so I understand bad periods and I understand the struggle to get a GP to take you seriously, but you can't just give in and give up two days every month to it. I can't tolerate hormonal contraception either but mefenamic acid, taken on a proper schedule, really helped. HRT has massively helped my sister. There are options and it's not really fair on you or your family not to look into them.

That's exactly how I felt, had a terrible time on the Pill - combined and POP (Cerazette in particular was evil for me).

Then started getting peri-menopause symptoms - in my case it was the flooding I couldn't cope with, I was getting anxious about leaving the house and out of the office meetings became a nightmare.

Spoke to a GP, she was completely dismissive. Saw a different GP and she was lovely, suggested options and after some thought I went for the Mirena. On my second now and I've had none of the issues I had with the Pill. It might not work for you, and I'm not saying you should try it, just that it might be worth looking into as an option.

See your GP and explain that you are bedridden with migraines with every period

This. It isn't normal, and GPs should not behave as if it is.

you don't need to take hormones, there should be other options.

Blimey! Would you say that if they were ill or is it "only" because it's periods that the OP should just keep calm or carry on.

You might be able to cope with your periods. It should not be that hard to realise that not every woman is the same as you.

The OP said she'd tried hormonal solutions before without success but there may be others - I was also thinking about mefanamic acid as I took it as a teenager.

I used to get really debilitating migraines every time I had a period. I eventually had a Mirena coil fitted to stop my periods. This changed my life for the better!

Without a doubt. I get a lot of headaches and sometimes have to lie down when I should be working. Working from home, and working part-time allows me to rest until the painkillers have kicked in and then I can go back to work. I would not have been able to manage through my peri-menopausal years if I had to be somewhere full time.

I can understand his frustration, I hate that I'm so affected by it 2 days every month but it's not fun. It's not a choice.

Naw... Fack that!! Why do we women do this to ourselves? Question is this wrong or right?

Still understand his perspective while literally crippled from the inside and STILL have to justify why we need a to recover!!!

Why they CAN NOT for a second understand but you know what, they will definitely play the comedians/victim/ exhausted person... Such like..

You're resting too much an that means I have to pick up the slack so I'll just make a comment so you will question yourself and not rest!!! Then I'll apologize later but I'll still have got my way and you are still crippled in pain but thankfully I've had your company and you do everything so I don't have too!!

Yes, I would say that regardless of illness. If my partner had a medical problem that meant they had to spend two days every month in bed and – this is the crucial part – they weren’t seeking any help to improve the situation, I would be unhappy.

For the record, my late husband had a heart condition that meant he spent a lot more than two days a month in bed, and my current partner has Crohns which can leave him out of action at times. So I am completely sympathetic to chronic illnesses/conditions. But the difference is that both my late husband and my partner were engaging with medical professionals and receiving treatment, not just resigning themselves to it.

Also there was a stage where I very much could not cope with my periods — like I said, I have PCOS, and for a long while they were debilitating - but I didn’t stop looking for a solution because I realised that 2+ days off work / opting out of family life wasn’t acceptable if it could be avoided.

I'm sure some people will just dismiss this as 'Ugh, men, they don't understand women's stuff' but that's really not an excuse. I grew up in a house with a dad (a man born in the 1940s!) who was always kind, sympathetic and helpful to me, my mum and my sister about periods.

Your husband is being an arsehole about this.

The mirena coil was life changing for me. I didn’t want any additional hormones either but can’t believe I didn’t do it sooner.

Not everyone's peri menopause is terrible.
That's not to say that a woman doesn't need support obviously, just that it's not a given that she will need additional support.

If DH were to be in bed for a couple of days every month, leaving all the day to day shit to me, then I would be frustrated with the situation. Sympathetic to him, of course, but definitely frustrated with the situation. And if he wasn't trying to improve things, frustrated with him too!

@Bobbotgegrinch has explained the impact on a partner above.

Some people seem to think you should go back on the hormonal medication which you report can make you sick fat and hormonal so you can be more present for your family and do more housework etc so that they don’t have to

nah

I agree that you shouldn't be suffering this way.

I used to have awful periods. I didn't have headaches, but I used to have severe abdominal pain, and often fainted and vomited, which was obviously difficult at work.

I haven't read the whole thread, so apologies if someone else has already recommended this, but I was prescribed something called Ponstan Forte (mefenamic acid) which was a life-changer. I usually took no more than two a month and didn't notice any side effects at all.

Worth a try? You don't want to spend the next 10-15 years like this.

No, some of us just have experience of treating bad periods with non-hormonal methods and know that it’s possible and could improve OP’s quality of life significantly.

I don’t think that’s why it’s being suggested at all. It’s to help her, she’s in such a bad way for two days a month she has to lay in bed in pain. That’s shit.

@Puskaboots

If only men had periods etc?

You have to rember that his attitude 🙄 when he has "Man Cold and the dressing gown of Doom gloom",

Just a thought sprang in my mind on YouTube website Internet,
about your husband's attitud towards you,

There are videos of this machine that mimics the kinds of pain women experience with Periods all the time,
This machine had med pain periods 😫 to extremely painful periods as painfully allmost as labour pains
to see how men tolerate that kind of pain,

And it's very insightful for them that's the reality of life being painful

You see the expressions on different men's faces and they are amazed that women experince pain as bad as that,

All the men really appreciate and respect what it's like for women to suffer with painful periods pains so much better,

It's literally eye 👁 watering experince where they are literally wincing in pain, want to have the pain machine switched to least painful setting as possible as they feel like nervous wreaks,
after that experince..

I wish as many men as possible could get to experince this machine 🤣🤣🤣

@Puskaboots
What do you 🤔 think?

@Puskaboots
I really think you need to go get a doctors referral to a womens health gynaecologist in hospital,
to see what's wrong,
as it really sounds extreme end of painful periods you shouldn't have to put up with suffering like that,

Yes, it isn't normal to be bedbound every month when menstruating.

Get back to your GP and address it again.