To be annoyed what DH said regarding periods.

[Puskaboots]

For context he's not usually like this so maybe that's why I was a bit taken aback.

I'm having a bad period. Approaching 40 and I don't know whether my periods are getting worse or if my pain tolerance is weakening with age?

But each month I end up in bed a couple of days. Migraine pre bleed then painkillers, hot water bottle. Pains in my back, my legs, nausea on the first day of period.

So today has been one of those days. Period started this morning. I've taken pills. Been in bed.

Came down to make kids tea and told DH I was going back to bed after and one of the kids can tidy the kitchen /do dishwasher.

I said 'sorry, I'm hurting, I'm going back to bed'

And his response was 'how many periods have you had now?'

In a really snarky way.

I asked him what he meant and he obviously regret saying it and tried to play it off like he was genuinely just trying to figure it out mathematically.

But the look and way he said it was like' shouldn't you be used to it by now? / just get on with it? '

I can understand his frustration, I hate that I'm so affected by it 2 days every month but it's not fun. It's not a choice.

And he doesn't understand how much it hurts :(

And he will never know. I wish he could just experience one period so he would understand.

To be fair to him it's the first time he's ever made a comment like that and it's quite out of character but it hurt, like I'm being dramatic.

I'm not even sure why I'm posting, frustration?

They just have no clue do they???

If this is a one off and out of character, I'd be inclined to cut him some slack.

While DP's periods aren't bad, she always gets a solid week of migraines just beforehand. And it's really fucking annoying! I'm not annoyed at her, because she can't help it, and I know it's got to be significantly more annoying for her.

But the situation itself can be really annoying, because we've had to cancel plans yet again. Or the house is a shit tip because we've been busy and I'll have to blast through it by myself in a weekend, but trying to do it as quietly as a dormouse so as not to wake her up.

It not fair on her, it's not her fault, so I don't express my annoyance, but there's been a few times where I've shut a cupboard too hard in frustration, or shes seen my face as I resign myself to trying to sell some tickets to something at really short notice yet again, and she'll think I'm upset at her rather than the situation.

No matter how hard we try, no-ones perfect and we will fuck up sometimes.

They way you describe the situation, it sounds like his behaviour was out of character.

Maybe he has a transient moment of major stress in his life eg. Work or parent problems and hasn't said anything about it. Having an additional problem to tackle can cause the jug of negative emotions to overflow.

Tell him it is out of character and was hurtful to you. But ask him if he has stresses he isn't speaking about.

Your DH should not have said what he did.
It is not often he behaves like that, you say, so forget it.

However, don't forget that your periods are having an annoying effect on the rest of your household.
For two or three days per month your period holds you and your family hostage.

Op, I would be going to seek and try medical interventions that could give you back precious time where you can function without pain. Newer medications might be different.

OP this was me, the migraines and the cramps, since I was 14. I was discovered to have an iron deficiency about 6 months, unconnected to my period, and started taking ferrous furmate (which I think you can buy OTC in the chemist but not 100% sure) I didnt expect it but the side effect of that is massively reduced pain when I have my period. I cant believe I suffered it for THIRTY YEARS, GPs weren't interested and it definitely got worse when I hit 40. Bed ridden, migraines, cramps so bad I would cry and all round misery. Definitely worth a shot

What a shitty comment
I hope he’s ashamed of himself

@user1492757084

its op I feel sorry for when it comes to her period , not her husband and kids! They are not the ones suffering

My periods went like that at 40. Really painful, quite like labour pains actually, and flooding one month then lighter the next. Went to the Dr and asked if maybe was start of the menopause. Got short shrift “no, no, no, you’re much too young for that”. My periods stopped completely by 44, so it was.

Hire one of those period pain simulators (is it just a TENS machine..?) and tell him to wear it for 2 days straight if he ever wants to comment about your periods again.

Sounds awful, and really quite unusual to need to spend 2 days in bed. If you’ve been having regular periods since you were 15, that’s 600 days you’ve spent bed-bound with pain! That’s over a year and a half of your life!
I’d find it totally unreasonable / unacceptable to be spending so much time in bed, and I would be beating down the GP’s door for a solution by now.

Sounds like you accepted this situation at a young age and it’s been this way ever since. While it’s “your normal” it really isn’t normal for everyone, and perhaps your DP is interpreting your acceptance to mean that ‘it can’t be that bad’ ?

Don't know which part of the country you live but I can recommend a gynecologist who runs a menopause clinic she takes a holistic approach and looks at your complete medical history. It's private but she keeps the costs to the minimum and to be honest, it's the best investment I ever made. DM me if you want more details.

Every time you get period pain just continuously kick him in the balls so he can "power through" while in pain as well!

Yes your DH's comment was shitty. In 10 to 20 years, menstrual pain management has come a long way so its worth going back to the doc IMO. Also you could be in perimenopause and again there are things that can help.

I get migraines regularly & had irregular periods sometimes 2-3wks per month. Not heavy but really annoying, esp not knowing when they were going to be

I had the injection contraception - made me bloated & put on extra stone & half - hated that.

I eventually tried the mirena coil (I was v.hesitant). And it worked wonders, stopped my period, no period pain too.
You may not need the contraception element but it could really help your periods & get your 2 days a month back. With at least chatting with GP about???

how many periods have you had now?

Around 300 I’d say if you’re nearly 40 and you’ve had a couple of kids.

For some people it is normal and not everything can be fixed.

As for the OP - your 'D'H is not getting it and doesn't sound kind at all.

You're not being overly dramatic.

Would also echo getting your iron levels checked. I had pre menstrual migraines which have completely gone now my iron levels are better and the symptoms definitely worsen when iron gets low again so I get bloods checked and a few months of iron tablets.

THIS.
@Puskaboots I always had really pain free light periods until 40's...and they got a LOT more painful.
And heavier {I also had an undiagnosed thyroid issue that made them heavier}

Really painful as you describe.

There are drugs a GP can prescribe to make them far less painful. {Not opiates, so you won't get 'addicted'}.

I have a friend similar to you, mid 40’s and still major issues with periods. Mini pill helped massively, maybe try it?

I'm on the Mirena coil, no periods, tis great

I started getting heavier and much more frequent periods in my early 40s. Ended up having the Mirena coil fitted and taking HRT and now I have no periods at all and it's bliss. My doctor told me there was just no reason for women to suffer with periods and a lot of it is ideological, that women are expected to be stoic. |

I know you say you don't want to take anything because of contraceptives in the past making you fat and sick and hormonal - I was the same, but the Mirena coil hasn't had any effect like that on me at all. If anything I am calmer as it's ended my periods, and I haven't put on any weight that wasn't there already (I am slim but being perimenopausal seems to have made my boobs grow and spread! That was happening before I started the HRT though).

I bet a kick to the balls still hurts and how many of those has he had...

I’d have to go to the GP and get it sorted or at least have the situation improved if I were you. Aside from the pain, I couldn’t stay in my career if I were laid up once a month.

But this can’t be normal for most women otherwise we wouldn’t be able to hold down jobs.

Not everything can be fixed. But many things can be, and almost everything can at least be improved.

GPs need to ensure this type of problem is thoroughly investigated and multiple solutions tried, not just tell women to go away and buy some paracetamol.

Sounds like menopause. You, not him.

I think you're a bit unreasonable to not be open to trying anything to improve it. There's been a number of good suggestions made on the thread.