To be annoyed what DH said regarding periods.

[Puskaboots]

For context he's not usually like this so maybe that's why I was a bit taken aback.

I'm having a bad period. Approaching 40 and I don't know whether my periods are getting worse or if my pain tolerance is weakening with age?

But each month I end up in bed a couple of days. Migraine pre bleed then painkillers, hot water bottle. Pains in my back, my legs, nausea on the first day of period.

So today has been one of those days. Period started this morning. I've taken pills. Been in bed.

Came down to make kids tea and told DH I was going back to bed after and one of the kids can tidy the kitchen /do dishwasher.

I said 'sorry, I'm hurting, I'm going back to bed'

And his response was 'how many periods have you had now?'

In a really snarky way.

I asked him what he meant and he obviously regret saying it and tried to play it off like he was genuinely just trying to figure it out mathematically.

But the look and way he said it was like' shouldn't you be used to it by now? / just get on with it? '

I can understand his frustration, I hate that I'm so affected by it 2 days every month but it's not fun. It's not a choice.

And he doesn't understand how much it hurts :(

And he will never know. I wish he could just experience one period so he would understand.

To be fair to him it's the first time he's ever made a comment like that and it's quite out of character but it hurt, like I'm being dramatic.

I'm not even sure why I'm posting, frustration?

They just have no clue do they???

For your own benefit, not his, I'd echo the suggestion to look into treatment.

I'm further along the menopause timeline and the absolute best thing about the increasingly long gaps between periods was the relief from hormonal migraines. But the gaps between got shorter before they got longer - 17 day cycles at one point.

Honestly, anything you can take/do to reduce the frequency of your periods or get rid of them altogether is going to be a lifesaver for you over the next 10 years or so.

Yup. I was getting a period every 2 weeks at one point. (By contrast, when I was a young woman I could have 42 days between periods.)

I said 'sorry, I'm hurting, I'm going back to bed'

And his response was 'how many periods have you had now?'

In a really snarky way.

I asked him what he meant and he obviously regret saying it and tried to play it off like he was genuinely just trying to figure it out mathematically.

But the look and way he said it was like' shouldn't you be used to it by now? / just get on with it? '

I can understand his frustration, I hate that I'm so affected by it 2 days every month but it's not fun. It's not a choice.

It's actually worse when you have pain many times because then you have the whole psychological side of it as well that comes with any kind of recurring pain.

I had health issues in the past that led to chronic pain and as I said to the doctor the pain would be tolerable if it was a one off or it wasn't that frequent but because it's happening all the time it's unbearable and so upsetting. If I could choose excruciating pain but far less often then I'd take that instead.

Is there something you can take to at least ward off the migraine? I think there have been advances in migraine prevention over the years. They are quite prevalent in my family though I personally don't get them. The trigger for some relatives is chocolate - a small amount seems to be all right - but more than that brings on a migraine. Do you eat anything different when getting your period that might be a trigger?

I am the same with hormones and pills. I tried every type and variation and still ended up with puffy eyes. The specialist eventually said I was reacting to something and there was no point in persisting with different variations. I tried the mirena coil thinking a really small local dose might be okay and it did work in one way but I was so depressed and tearful I decided it wasn't worth it. I eventually had an ablation but you say that's not your problem.

To be honest, I wonder whether you might have endometriosis. Has that ever been properly investigated? I really do think you owe it to yourself to see if something can be done to improve things because, despite people on mumsnet banging on about the perimenopause, you might easily have more than 10 years before the menopause blessedly intervenes.

I’m of a similar mind to several PP. Huge sympathy for the pain - I get pre-period migraines too and they can be crippling. Men don’t understand how exhausting PMT and periods are.

But it seems as if you’ve thrown your hands in the air and just given up. And that would be fine if you weren’t bed bound for two days every month. Watching your partner retire to their bed for a couple of days every single month without even trying to get medical help would be deeply frustrating.

And as PP have also said, peri and menopause tends to make things worse. What happens when two days in bed once a month becomes two days in bed every fortnight, or five days in bed because the pain is prolonged? My pre-period migraines used to last a day or two - now they can last 5-6 days left untreated (only with pain meds).

Being so passive and defeatist without even trying isn’t going to help you in the long run. Sometimes you need to dig your heels in and just say “no, this isn’t acceptable.” No one should have to put up with losing such a chunk of their lives for no good reason.

OP that sounds insane. I am so sorry and he should not have said but maybe has is having a hard time understanding because a couple of days in bed a month is a lot. Do you have to miss work? You really need to seek help for this. I was 38 when I realised i did not have to put up with heavy periods and they weren't normal.

Hope you get it sorted.

Since you were 15? How heavy are they?

I have stage 4 endometriosis and this sounds familiar. I had the Mirena Coil 3 years ago (I’m 43) and it changed my life. Maybe you should consider something similar?

I have stage 4 endometriosis And fibroids, large ovarian cysts etc. Started as bad period pain. Now the flares are random and can put me in bed regardless of periods.

Please see a Dr. I was in my early 40s.

I’m now 51 and they want to do open surgery to remove everything and cut into my bowel.

I’m refusing and hoping menopause hits early.

It could be anything like fibroids or endometriosis starting. Don’t let anyone fob you off.

My husband has been complaint about my periods too. To be honest he’s right though. I mope about, have mood swings and am a general nightmare. I’ve put myself on the mini pill and I’m seeking investigations for perimenopause

I got the Mirena coil in August last year as part of HRT (no need for it as contraception as DH has had snip) - Im 49 and I have bleed continually for 6 months and then lighter since January. It's got another few months then its coming out if the GP cant balance my hormones.

I'd say this. They're fucking clueless. You have my sympathy.

Your dh is right. Don't suffer. Go to GP. You should be able to get on with life with a period. Something is wrong. You are ill. Get help.

I have some sympathy with him. My DH has a lot of sick days. He always has symptoms so not making it up but it does get frustrating when there’s two of you but you have to solo parent a lot of the time.
There are suggestions on this thread that could help you and you dismiss all of them. I had the coil fitted due to severe pain each month and 4yrs later I can honestly say it was life changing.

Yes what he said wasn't great but also I can see it from his point of view that he's probably frustrated with having to fly solo while you're in bed every month. You shouldn't be suffering like this and you need to ask GP for help. You seem to have decided that there are no options for you. Do you really want to live like this for the next few years?

I’d also urge you to see your doctor again. What medication are you having? Two days every month in bed is really extreme and shouldn’t have to be something you just put up with,

While your DH was horrible - I disagree with your approach. Your experience with hormonal contraception was decades ago. Take control of your own health and seek further answers. Your passive approach would frustrate me

Periods that are so painful that you are in bed for 2 days every month is not normal and you need to go back to the GP and insist on a referral. I can see why your husband is frustrated (but he’s definitely annoying to have said what he did).

Your husband needs to educate himself not only on periods but also the menopause.

I suppose he wants you to do that for him as well.

I would be furious at what he said

Pretty sure the OP has decided that we all meanies.

Cmon now, many of us are women here, we all know having to spend two days a month in bed for your period is extreme.

You should go back to the Drs, this is not normal. You don’t have to be incapacitated for two days each month.

Same here. Wish I'd done it years ago.

If it’s the only time he’s made a comment like this, it’s out of character, and he immediately explained he’d meant something different, is it possible he really did?

I’d be significantly more pissed off at having to get out of bed when I was feeling dreadful to make the kids tea - why couldn’t he do that?

Come on now luv, it was only a period which get heavier as you get older. But men have to suffer man colds. 😀

If men had periods, science would have spent so much on it to make them more comfortable.

I understand your reluctance - I was the same - but honest to God, getting the Mirena coil was the best decision ever.