Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this CAN work - son and pregnant daughter-in-law moving in

452 replies

dirtyblond · 14/04/2024 00:07

so, what do you think? has this worked for you? Would you do it again? What mistakes should I avoid? What tips to make it successful. They are being evicted, and are planning on staying here around a year, while they get some savings together - both work full time.

OP posts:
JamMakingWannaBe · 14/04/2024 00:28

How far along in her pregnancy is she? When she has the baby, presumably she'll not be working FT, she'll be on ML. Could you handle that change in dynamics alongside a newborn in the house?

BettyShagter · 14/04/2024 00:30

It depends entirely upon your relationship and how much room you have in your home.

Also you might need to consider that a year might turn into 2 and so on.

slipperypenguin · 14/04/2024 00:31

Don't be over bearing

Original poster
dirtyblond · 14/04/2024 00:31

JamMakingWannaBe · 14/04/2024 00:28

How far along in her pregnancy is she? When she has the baby, presumably she'll not be working FT, she'll be on ML. Could you handle that change in dynamics alongside a newborn in the house?

7 weeks - so still quite early. Yes, I think I can cope - I think I will go and stay somewhere else for 2 or 3 weeks when the baby is here, to give them a chance to establish themselves as a family

OP posts:
Original poster
dirtyblond · 14/04/2024 00:32

slipperypenguin · 14/04/2024 00:31

Don't be over bearing

I';; try not to be, but how will I know if I am?

OP posts:
DNLove · 14/04/2024 00:32

It will be more challenging because there are 2 women that are responsible for 1 man. A mother and daughter have an established relationship and a mother/ daughter relationship doesn't threaten your matriarch. You and your DIL may clash. Depends on how relaxed you both are. I've seen a daughter and family move on with her parents and have no problems. I've seen son move in with his wife and it wasn't good.

Original poster
dirtyblond · 14/04/2024 00:32

BettyShagter · 14/04/2024 00:30

It depends entirely upon your relationship and how much room you have in your home.

Also you might need to consider that a year might turn into 2 and so on.

3 bedroom semi - small garden.

OP posts:
Hairyfairy01 · 14/04/2024 00:32

Why are they being evicted ?

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 14/04/2024 00:33

@dirtyblond why are they being evicted? that could have a major bearing on how long they are likely to be living with you!

Original poster
dirtyblond · 14/04/2024 00:33

DNLove · 14/04/2024 00:32

It will be more challenging because there are 2 women that are responsible for 1 man. A mother and daughter have an established relationship and a mother/ daughter relationship doesn't threaten your matriarch. You and your DIL may clash. Depends on how relaxed you both are. I've seen a daughter and family move on with her parents and have no problems. I've seen son move in with his wife and it wasn't good.

This is why I am asking for tips! I have been warned of pitfalls! I want it to work out

OP posts:
Original poster
dirtyblond · 14/04/2024 00:33

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 14/04/2024 00:33

@dirtyblond why are they being evicted? that could have a major bearing on how long they are likely to be living with you!

Their bedsit is being sold

OP posts:
CloudyYellow · 14/04/2024 00:35

I don't think it is a good idea.

BettyShagter · 14/04/2024 00:36

Sod moving out of your own home when the baby's born.

I think this thread is all wrong. They are the ones who should be asking themselves if it can work, and worrying about being overbearing in your home.

Hairyfairy01 · 14/04/2024 00:37

Sounds like if they are both working full time they can afford their own place? Why aren't they? Do you work? Are they planning on depending on you for full time childcare?

Tumbler2121 · 14/04/2024 00:37

Once the baby is born they will be entitled to UC and housing benefit if they are low income, they can probably afford to rent their own place then.

DNLove · 14/04/2024 00:38

I think establish the terms of engagement. Do they want to be part of existing meal structure or do their own thing? Have you a separate sitting area for them? In advance discuss how the arrangement will work. What do you expect of them? House quietens down at what time? Does the shower wake you so how does them getting out to work on morning affect your current life style.
Think through it all agree some ground rules and an end date.

Original poster
dirtyblond · 14/04/2024 00:40

DNLove · 14/04/2024 00:38

I think establish the terms of engagement. Do they want to be part of existing meal structure or do their own thing? Have you a separate sitting area for them? In advance discuss how the arrangement will work. What do you expect of them? House quietens down at what time? Does the shower wake you so how does them getting out to work on morning affect your current life style.
Think through it all agree some ground rules and an end date.

Yes, all things I have thought through - they will get a fridge shelf, and mostly cook for themselves - shower is not a problem, as I am normally up before them as I start work earlier, I am not worried about noise or house being quiet - they are not particularly noisy

OP posts:
Original poster
dirtyblond · 14/04/2024 00:41

Hairyfairy01 · 14/04/2024 00:37

Sounds like if they are both working full time they can afford their own place? Why aren't they? Do you work? Are they planning on depending on you for full time childcare?

They can't afford their own place right now, not without borrowing a lot. Hopefully next year, if they save up

OP posts:
CJ0374 · 14/04/2024 00:41

Why can't they rent elsewhere?

SIL and her husband moved back in with my PIL's. They pay a pepper corn rent (if anything at all), have had free child care for years and 'planned' to be there a year. 10 yrs on, and 3 more children later- they are still there!

Are you planning on charging rent? Do you have other children? How will you be subsidising and helping them out?

Testina · 14/04/2024 00:42

It will be more challenging because there are 2 women that are responsible for 1 man.

Responsible? Are you serious?

Original poster
dirtyblond · 14/04/2024 00:43

CJ0374 · 14/04/2024 00:41

Why can't they rent elsewhere?

SIL and her husband moved back in with my PIL's. They pay a pepper corn rent (if anything at all), have had free child care for years and 'planned' to be there a year. 10 yrs on, and 3 more children later- they are still there!

Are you planning on charging rent? Do you have other children? How will you be subsidising and helping them out?

no, I won't be charging rent, yes, I have other children, but they have their own homes. I won't be helping them out, except by proving them somewhere to live

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 14/04/2024 00:44

How much will they be able to save in a year?

Will that give them a deposit on anywhere?

What will you do if they haven’t saved that in a year?

Hairyfairy01 · 14/04/2024 00:45

OP, you only answered half my question. Are they expecting you to provide free childcare when they return to work? Why can't they afford rent if both working full time? If a real struggle can't they claim UC?

BettyShagter · 14/04/2024 00:45

Testina · 14/04/2024 00:42

It will be more challenging because there are 2 women that are responsible for 1 man.

Responsible? Are you serious?

I did chuckle at this! 🤣🤣🤣

BettyShagter · 14/04/2024 00:47

I think another thing to ask yourself is if it doesn't work out, how would you feel about telling them they need to move out, especially with a baby?