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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

He wants me to transfer the money. AIBU to be put off now?

1000 replies

whatasneezeyone · 13/04/2024 22:02

Had a date. Went for sushi 🍣

I got a few dishes and he seemed to be counting his coming through. I got some strawberry cheesecake mochi and he said 'that looks nice. I'll try it maybe one time. Spend enough today ahahaa'

Went to tap the card as we agreed to split the bill

I did my half and my card got declined. I said to the waiter, quick as a flash, I'll need to insert my pin because I've probably tapped too many times now

The man I was with on the date said 'let me just get this, please'

And he tapped.

He's now messaging this evening saying 'can you transfer your half? As we did agree to go half. It's Santander xxx yyy lll'

The followed up straight away with a link and saying 'fancy this next week?'

So I have. And haven't replied back to say it's done

AIBU to not be interested now? Just seems a bit petty.

I personally would've just left it if the shoe was on the other foot

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
JustJoinedRightNow · 13/04/2024 22:04

did he actually say "let me just get this please" - that indicates he was happy to pay so yanbu.

Booksoverbros · 13/04/2024 22:04

Yanbu

He should have let you pay your half if he didn't want to.
At the very least he should have said "ill put it on my card and you can transfer it to me".

Messaging that after the date would put me off completely

YaMuvva · 13/04/2024 22:04

Yeah mean-Ness is not an attractive quality. Unless he’s super skint (unlikely if he’s out for sushi) surely he could have just asked you to get the meal next time?

weareallqueens · 13/04/2024 22:04

Maybe he's just a bit skint. If you like him, give him another chance.

Plumeface · 13/04/2024 22:05

This would immediately give me the ick.

YaMuvva · 13/04/2024 22:05

It’s the fact he wanted to be the Big Man Who Pays to the waiter - but not to you!

Plumeface · 13/04/2024 22:05

weareallqueens · 13/04/2024 22:04

Maybe he's just a bit skint. If you like him, give him another chance.

Well he should have just let OP pay then.

sonjadog · 13/04/2024 22:05

I don't know, You did agree to split and I think on a first date it is fair enough for both to pay for themselves. If you liked him, I would give him another chance.

turkeymuffin · 13/04/2024 22:06

YaMuvva · 13/04/2024 22:05

It’s the fact he wanted to be the Big Man Who Pays to the waiter - but not to you!

This 100%

Original poster
whatasneezeyone · 13/04/2024 22:06

weareallqueens · 13/04/2024 22:04

Maybe he's just a bit skint. If you like him, give him another chance.

It's all giving cost of living vibes

OP posts:
Bookworm1111 · 13/04/2024 22:06

You agreed to split the bill but now you’re annoyed that he’s holding you to that mutual decision?

AnotherEmma · 13/04/2024 22:07

It would annoy me that he just paid your half without giving you the opportunity to try your card again or use a different card. It would have been more respectful to offer first - making it clear he expected you to pay him back - then only pay if you'd accepted the offer. It sounds as if he was a bit on edge about the money side of things? I would find that a turn off tbh and would pay him back but decline any more dates.

Original poster
whatasneezeyone · 13/04/2024 22:07

AnotherEmma · 13/04/2024 22:07

It would annoy me that he just paid your half without giving you the opportunity to try your card again or use a different card. It would have been more respectful to offer first - making it clear he expected you to pay him back - then only pay if you'd accepted the offer. It sounds as if he was a bit on edge about the money side of things? I would find that a turn off tbh and would pay him back but decline any more dates.

All of this. Thanks for articulating it for me!

This is exactly it

OP posts:
Soupsetanddefeated · 13/04/2024 22:07

I wonder if he perhaps thought he was being chivalrous - like stepping in to save you any embarrassment if you couldn't pay? Id give him a second chance under benefit of the doubt but keep an eye out for anything similar as there is nothing worse than someone penny pinching.

Plumeface · 13/04/2024 22:08

Bookworm1111 · 13/04/2024 22:06

You agreed to split the bill but now you’re annoyed that he’s holding you to that mutual decision?

Well yes, because she said she would pay half and he said "let me get this" and now he's backtracked.

AhBiscuits · 13/04/2024 22:08

Well he's either skint or cheap, neither of which would appeal to me.

littlebitstuck2024 · 13/04/2024 22:08

I wouldn't see him again, he's too cringey. Nope! He made himself look generous in front of the waiter then went back on it later. I don't like stingy men. You said you were going to enter your pin to pay your half so why did he bother saying he'd pay when that wasn't his intention?

PinkFrogss · 13/04/2024 22:08

It seems odd to have said “let me get this please” are you 100% sure that is what he said?

If so that would put me off, not being expected to pay my half but offering and then going back on it.

imforeverblowingbuttons · 13/04/2024 22:08

He tried to help you out as your card was declined. Why should he pay all? Seems reasonable to me

Youdontevengohere · 13/04/2024 22:09

Bookworm1111 · 13/04/2024 22:06

You agreed to split the bill but now you’re annoyed that he’s holding you to that mutual decision?

More that he said ‘let me get this’ (the OP could have just inserted her pin or used another card), to make it look like he was paying, then later asked for the money. The OP was obviously perfectly happy to pay for her own share… she tried to pay.

Bookworm1111 · 13/04/2024 22:09

AnotherEmma · 13/04/2024 22:07

It would annoy me that he just paid your half without giving you the opportunity to try your card again or use a different card. It would have been more respectful to offer first - making it clear he expected you to pay him back - then only pay if you'd accepted the offer. It sounds as if he was a bit on edge about the money side of things? I would find that a turn off tbh and would pay him back but decline any more dates.

Or maybe he just jumped in because he thought OP’s card had been declined and was trying to spare her embarrassment?

Original poster
whatasneezeyone · 13/04/2024 22:09

PinkFrogss · 13/04/2024 22:08

It seems odd to have said “let me get this please” are you 100% sure that is what he said?

If so that would put me off, not being expected to pay my half but offering and then going back on it.

Yes, he got his card out and waved saying 'Let me get this, please' whilst his body language was 100% gesturing to the waiter to aim the card machine his way

OP posts:
gamerchick · 13/04/2024 22:09

Sounds to me that he's skint OP and couldn't really afford to pay for it all. He tried to save face in the moment but probably needs the money.

Counting pennies isn't really a good start. At least suggest something that doesn't cost much.

Or he's tight. Either way it's not a good start to a budding relationship

Plumeface · 13/04/2024 22:10

People, the debate isn't whether or not it was fair to go 50/50, it's whether it was fair of him to ask for half after he had already said he would get the bill after OP said she would pay her half.

If I'm out for coffee with a friend and say "don't worry, I'll get this", I don't then ask them for half of it later.

Isthisexpected · 13/04/2024 22:10

I would take "let me get this" to mean let me pay it right now not "my treat". The bit that would put me off slightly though is the comment about having spent enough already. But then only those with money would criticise something for "cost of living vibes".

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