He wants me to transfer the money. AIBU to be put off now?

[whatasneezeyone]

Had a date. Went for sushi 🍣

I got a few dishes and he seemed to be counting his coming through. I got some strawberry cheesecake mochi and he said 'that looks nice. I'll try it maybe one time. Spend enough today ahahaa'

Went to tap the card as we agreed to split the bill

I did my half and my card got declined. I said to the waiter, quick as a flash, I'll need to insert my pin because I've probably tapped too many times now

The man I was with on the date said 'let me just get this, please'

And he tapped.

He's now messaging this evening saying 'can you transfer your half? As we did agree to go half. It's Santander xxx yyy lll'

The followed up straight away with a link and saying 'fancy this next week?'

So I have. And haven't replied back to say it's done

AIBU to not be interested now? Just seems a bit petty.

I personally would've just left it if the shoe was on the other foot

They agreed to split it. The OP didn't say it was his request in the first place.

Do you expect a free meal on every first date?

I wouldn't go out with someone who doesn't offer to pay

If he was just sorting it for that moment he should have said “let me get it, you can transfer me your half later”

IMO he made himself look good paying for you in front of the restaurant staff.

I had this once, but my card did work, trawled all round the shops, he splashed the pound notes cash on my new cups, my new shoes and a couple of other bits, insisted he pay each time, we got in the car and he said I’ll stop by the cash point and you can pay me back £xx.

I called him out on it there and then. I wondered if there was some money laundering going on or something but I couldn’t make sense of it. Didn’t see him much more, there was some other stuff and he tried borrowing money off me so I ended it.

So you expect a free meal.

I’d pay him back but I don’t think I’d see him again

If he quoted it down to the last pence as well after all that, I'd definitely pass on seeing him again. Tight as.

He tried to show off to the waiting staff then was a penny pinching dick in private.

There are a ton of better ways he could have handled it. He could have trusted that you are a competent capable woman and let you use your pin. He could have arranged a similar cost second date, said nothing and let you pay if you offered. He could have, God forbid, treated you to the darn sushi because he liked you and it was a nice thing to do.

The comment about how many plates you ordered was a test. Paying then getting you to pay him back is a test. He's happy for you to feel awkward, you'll probably pay the full bill next time to prove to him that you're not tight. When somebody shows you who they are, believe them. He's at best tight as a duck's arse with money. It would be block and delete for me.

@whatasneezeyone I know what you mean but I really think he was just trying to avoid embarrassment. I also think he meant ‘I’ll get this and we can sort it later’ but just didn’t explain properly. As you’d said ‘halves’ then he has asked for half, which is reasonable. It’s not £5 or £10 it’s over £30, so quite a lot. Being an Accountant he probably likes everything to balance. I like everything to balance but I’m definitely not tight - maybe give it one more go and see if he is just being prudent - probably wanted to know if he would see you again before committing to paying for the whole thing. Just see how it goes? You can still back off if you get full ‘stingy tight-wad vibes’. Nothing wrong with being careful and it kind of goes with the job title but I completely agree with other posters you don’t want it to be a bad sign of things to come 🫣

Go with your gut OP. Life with a tight partner is shit.

Must cut your options down a bit 🤣

@trekking1 🤮🤮

You're one of them people , want us women to be treated as equal but still expecting men to pay in full on every date. Entitled much.

A first date is a minefield in terms of gender politics and paying, add in not being well off and nervous and I can totally see how someone could end up flustering and making a hash of things.
So I wouldn't be impressed at the backtrack from a consistency pov, but I'd send the money as splitting was original plan and I wouldn't want anyone to go short, and not hold it against him.

Whether I gave him a second chance would depend on how well we clicked and if everything else seemed ok etc

I don't expect anything, I'm just not interested in going out with someone who wants to split on the first date. Just like someone people are not interested in going on a date with obese people, we all have our preferences

Read more of your posts op... Off right vibe and decent income = send him the money and draw a line under him.
Carpet guy sounds better. 😁

If you agreed to go halves I don't see the problem. Maybe he was embarrassed when your card was rejected.

If you've tapped too often the card doesn't decline op, it just asks you to insert card.

It really seems to depend on the shop/merchant - some say 'use PIN', but others unhelpfully and patronisingly say 'declined' and leave you to guess what their problem is.

Regardless of the amount paid by each of them - and 50/50 was agreed - the problem is that he's potentially done three dodgy things:

1. Trying to look like Charlie Big Potatoes - macho man paying the bill;
2. Embarrassing OP by implying that her card has been declined owing to lack of funds and she needed him to bail her out for her irresponsible overspending - rather than just (as she made very clear) needing to use Chip & PIN, as you routinely do after so many transactions/so much spent;
3. Possibly claiming their meal as a business meeting and thus putting both meals on his expenses - so he could claim 'back' the money he spent on his meal and also the money that OP spent on hers.

His actions are seriously questionable - and anybody focusing on who actually paid for the meals is really missing the point. Red flags aplenty here.

If he's never yet spent enough money for it to trigger the 'need to use Chip & PIN' that all the rest of us are completely familiar with, it does make you wonder whether that's a big sign as to his reluctance to pay for anything!

🤣

You do. You expect a free meal.

Can't you see the big difference between offering straight off to pay for the joint meal and, having agreed amicably to split it, jumping in to imply that she's skint/irresponsible with money/an overspender who would be in trouble if he hadn't rescued her?

It's not WHO paid for what that's the issue; it's the deliberate diving in to make himself look good and OP look bad, completely unnecessarily.

What a cheapskate.

You don't know it was "deliberate diving in" with that motive. These boards are full of posts from people who have made social misjudgements.

I don't expect anything, I just won't go out with a man who doesn't offer to pay on the first date. I wouldn't agree on a date with someone and just expect them to pay, that's ridiculous!