He wants me to transfer the money. AIBU to be put off now?

[whatasneezeyone]

Had a date. Went for sushi 🍣

I got a few dishes and he seemed to be counting his coming through. I got some strawberry cheesecake mochi and he said 'that looks nice. I'll try it maybe one time. Spend enough today ahahaa'

Went to tap the card as we agreed to split the bill

I did my half and my card got declined. I said to the waiter, quick as a flash, I'll need to insert my pin because I've probably tapped too many times now

The man I was with on the date said 'let me just get this, please'

And he tapped.

He's now messaging this evening saying 'can you transfer your half? As we did agree to go half. It's Santander xxx yyy lll'

The followed up straight away with a link and saying 'fancy this next week?'

So I have. And haven't replied back to say it's done

AIBU to not be interested now? Just seems a bit petty.

I personally would've just left it if the shoe was on the other foot

You could have replied, I'm confused to be honest. I said it just needed me to input my PIN, which I was about to do, then you motioned for the card reader and said "let me get this". Why did you not let me enter my pin and why did you state you were paying, if only to ask me for the money anyway? To be honest it's not about the money, it's about honesty and integrity, about saying something and standing by it, not backtracking, all this over a little bit of sushi. It's incredibly unattractive.

But yeah, I'd just pay, block and delete. Stingy fucker.

I’m guessing it’s finance humour/ superiority.

Or maybe he just jumped in because he thought OP’s card had been declined and was trying to spare her embarrassment?

i suspect it is something like this but the apps card was declined during the contactless transaction (for whatever reason). It happens-he should have let her try with the pin.

But rather than ‘spare her embarrassment’ this jumping in and trying to ‘pay on her behalf’ is often just typical willy waving men do for appearances & to massage their ego. He knew he was skint- why do it otherwise? Clumsy, old school move

Sorry, I should explain a bit more... so accountants usually earn a decent wage - maybe not on mumsnet where everyone seems to think they're poor if they're not earning six figures - but in the real world he will be on a regular salary and on more than minimum wage. He is not unemployed or underemployed. So he has no obvious reason to be so completely skint that he has to count all the sushi items and avoid getting a drink he fancies trying because he's spent too much already. If he couldn't afford the date for reasons we don't know about (debt, something else, who knows) he should have suggested something cheaper like a walk (free!) or a coffee or whatever.

My guess is that he is hugely stingy and will be a nightmare to date because he won't want to spend much money (even if he has it) and will always want to split everything exactly 50-50 even if he earns twice as much as you or just got a bonus or it's your birthday and it would be nice of him to treat you... etc etc.

I'm making a lot of assumptions here and I obviously didn't meet him, you did! but I am a strong believer in gut instincts, so if yours is telling you he's been weird about money (on a first date, when people are usually on best behaviour and trying to impress) then TRUST IT.

If you've tapped too often the card doesn't decline op, it just asks you to insert card. Sounds to me like he was trying to save you embarrassment that your card was declined, but having agreed to split couldn't afford to pay for you both and wasn't expecting to. I don't think he's done anything wrong and I don't think he was being tight. Only you know if you liked him enough to see him again.

Also, he asked when we got there if they sold chips (it was somewhat cute, he seemed very easy going)

When he was told a blunt no from the waitress, he proceeded to order something else and knew quite a few dishes you'd only know if you liked sushi. Weird, from chips to special selections

Anyway, it's a shame as I can't stand people being tight. It's unattractive

But he was very good looking, looked like a young Michael Keaton but shorter

I’d bin too. I actually find the man not paying a bit off putting tbh. I quite like the idea of the romanticising and impressing that should go on in the first date (then happy to take turns after!)

"Finance humour"? Is that a thing?!

If you need to enter your pin, doesn’t it normally say that a pin needs to be entered, rather than declining the transaction? I wonder whether he thought you were just covering out of embarrassment that your card got declined and he was trying to save you from having to get the Marigolds out.

I’d be working on the basis that he was a bit skint and if we’d already agreed to split the bill, I would have insisted on his bank details to send the amount across to him.

If you’re attracted to him and you’ve enjoyed his company on the date and he seems like a decent person, are you really not going to see where it goes simply because he’s a bit hard up?

It’s clearly just me but I wouldn’t write off someone for asking for my share of the bill. Fine he jumped in prematurely with the card reader and wasn’t clear he didn’t intend to cover the lot, but deciding he must be an untrustworthy tightwad seems bonkers. Reading the opener again, I wonder actually how many more dishes OP scarfed compared to him and whether, when he got home, he thought he was being stiffed for a bill that was mostly hers. I think someone eating loads and assuming I’ll pay for the lot is far more unattractive.

No it just declines. I'm always getting my contact less payments declined if I've not used my pin in a while.

If you need to enter your pin, doesn’t it normally say that a pin needs to be entered, rather than declining the transaction

Not always

i usually know because it pops up on my banking app that I need to use my pin

There is so much judgement on this thread. I don't think it's unreasonable that he has asked for you to pay your share, you had both agreed upfront that you were splitting 50/50.

You also can't jump to conclusions based on one date that's he got no money in general or tight with money.

Did you enjoy the date, did you like his company and if it wasnt for this would you have seen him again? If so, then why not go on second date and see how that goes? See what he suggests rather than your suggestion.

Mine declines.

A short accountant who behaves a bit strangely and is clearly tight with money.
I don't care if he had a nice face, this guy is not a catch, OP!

It looks grim BUT i'd give him one more chance, so you know for certain if he's cheap or not.

@Nagado not sure, but I'm pretty sure the words used were 'sorry, that didn't go through'. And then I said about the PIN

I definitely had the money say in the account to cover it, 10 times over. Not a brag, obviously lots of that is to cover different things! But yeah, the money was all there is what I'm getting at

Yep, mine has declined loads of times for this reason.

Yes, I think so, at my employers anyway 🤣

I think you should have said at the time let me have your bank details and I'll pay you back and then he could buy the said okay or no that's fine.

Yeah, exactly.

No problem if he can't afford to foot the whole bill, it's the pretence of male grandeur that's unacceptable. The awful 'never mind this, little woman' attitude as he magnanimously pays the bill (and then asks for half back afterwards).

I've no doubt the bloke is oblivious. Mean people always are, it's normal for them. I just wouldn't be very keen at all after this.

Urgh.

Yes this would put me right off.

Yes, that'd be it for me.

I got a few dishes and he seemed to be counting his coming through. I got some strawberry cheesecake mochi and he said 'that looks nice. I'll try it maybe one time. Spend enough today ahahaa'

This on its own would give me the ick.

I do have a date lined up with a carpet/flooring fitter who has already said in his messages 'it's all my treat'.

I have said no, I would like to split and he said 'if you like me, pay for the next one '

Maybe he's the one for me and this one isn't! I've never dated anyone at the same time as someone else before but maybe the comparison will be good