He wants me to transfer the money. AIBU to be put off now?

[whatasneezeyone]

Had a date. Went for sushi 🍣

I got a few dishes and he seemed to be counting his coming through. I got some strawberry cheesecake mochi and he said 'that looks nice. I'll try it maybe one time. Spend enough today ahahaa'

Went to tap the card as we agreed to split the bill

I did my half and my card got declined. I said to the waiter, quick as a flash, I'll need to insert my pin because I've probably tapped too many times now

The man I was with on the date said 'let me just get this, please'

And he tapped.

He's now messaging this evening saying 'can you transfer your half? As we did agree to go half. It's Santander xxx yyy lll'

The followed up straight away with a link and saying 'fancy this next week?'

So I have. And haven't replied back to say it's done

AIBU to not be interested now? Just seems a bit petty.

I personally would've just left it if the shoe was on the other foot

He should have just let enter her PIN.

He wanted to act generous in public and then showed his true face to OP.

I always insisted on going dutch on dates but in this case I think he should have paid and then let OP pay for the next date.

Verdict: dump this tight twat

I wonder if he felt 'you were making a scene' even though you weren't and paid to end it. I also think he sounds either skint or extremely tight neither which I would find attractive.

I understand why this feels odd. He stopped you doing a simple thing of inserting the card as he wanted to "get this", but now regrets it and wants you to reverse his decision he made.

If I really liked him I'd see him again but would just keep a mental note of this thing that happened (and if anything else started to feel weird then all added together....)

‘Let me get this’ implies ‘This one is on me, you get the next one’.

Same. I hate it when people can't just say it how it is. Don't say let me get it, then act bitter or do a u turn. YANBU

Thank you

I was the one who suggested sushi and he was happy with my suggestion (I've read both men and woman secretly find it a bit annoying when they won't just suggest somewhere!). So I was honest and said my favourite place

He told me he was a revenue accountant so I didn't think he would have 0

This would totally put me off.

If I was him in this situation I'd have just paid your half and said something along the lines of 'you just sort the bill next time'. He should've also given you chance to put your card in the machine.

I wouldn't meet him again.

Exactly, thank you

This. ^ It sounds like he might’ve thought OP’s card was being declined. Deciding he’s now a write-off because he wouldn’t cover the entire bill they’d agreed to split is a bit shitty.

If I liked him, this wouldn't be enough to put me off a second date. I think there's potential for this to be a misunderstanding, or a nice guy who's skint. Another date should clarify whether it was those things or whether he's miserly.

A revenue accountant?
Nah bin him off OP

I agree and he may not have the money to cover it either.

I think you’re being unfair on him , apart from that did you like him ?

This would massively put me off as well. YANBU.

OP clearly said it was because she'd not used her PIN in a while.

And frankly if you thought someone's card had been declined due to lack of funds and therefore decided to pay for them, why would you then ask for half of it back?

Only if "let me get this" was the start of a longer sentence which ended in "and we can sort it out later", would it have not been a treat.

@AnotherEmma sorry but I am unsure if that's tongue in cheek? if not why

Then he shouldn't have paid! He didn't have to.

An accountant who is being this weird about money. Not a great combo!

I went on a date years and years ago - just for pizza. We agreed to split the bill, at which point he whipped out his phone calculator and said that’s £23.11 each - that 11p gave me the biggest ick ever!

I’m happy to go halves, it was the fact that he was so tight, he even mentioned the 11p!

He was probably just a bit flustered and trying to save you the embarrassment that your card was declined.

On reflection he’s decided he couldn’t afford it maybe? I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with that, maybe he’s hard up right now?

I don’t think your wrong with not wanting to date someone who isn’t on the same financial level as you - but I do think it’s a bit unreasonable to judge him for asking for the money, it’s savage out there these days, coving the whole cost of dinner can easily be the equivalent of a weeks food shopping.

A nice guy who's skint would have said "I'd love to cover this but I'm a bit skint at the moment", not needlessly paid the full bill then asked for it back.

Bin. He sounds like one of those men that likes to be seen by other people to do the nice thing but is different behind.closed doors.

I had this too. Maybe it was the same bloke 🤣

but she told him what had likely happened. Anyone who has ever used contactless payment knows that sometimes it's rejected because you need to 'reset' with a PIN, exactly as OP described. It's not as though she was making up an unrealistic excuse, he should have been aware that this is a common thing to happen.

If she'd tried that and it hadn't worked then absolutely him jumping in to save her from embarrassment would have been a lovely thing to do AND it would have been completely okay for him to have asked her to send the money (although in that circ I assume OP would have sent it herself without being asked).

It's as the pp said, he wants to look the generous man in front of the waiter but is then too tight to back it up. Which is cringey. And together with the comments about 'spend too much today haha' is just all a bit ick and I would also be put off tbh (and I'm absolutely a fan of being frugal and would expect to split the bill on a first date).