DH doesn't understand why this is rude, AIBU?

[Pony67]

Me and DH are out all day today (not together but both working all day).

My parent was coming over to ours to look after our young child.

I have just found out that my husband has told his ex its fine to drop his son off at our house so she can go out (he is 12). He has also told SS that he can have a friend over too.

Aibu to think this is so SO rude when he knows my parent is at home (and is likely the reason he said it was fine to drop him off).

My parent doesn't really know SS well at all, they aren't close, not like a grandparent / grandchild relationship at all.

SS is a good kid but pretty immature in some ways I.e. I imagine there will be lots of asking for food instead of just getting it himself or drinks or asking if he and friend can go to the park or wherever. All of which I don't feel my parent should need to deal with and is unfair to expect them to especially with things like asking to go out. It shouldn't be on my parent to check they are back in time, check where they are going etc etc...

DH doesn't think it's a problem because he's old enough not to need "loads of care". I disagree and think if he knew my parent was there to care for our DC he should have asked.

My parent hasn't said anything other than to tell me SS and friend had turned up and did I know. But they wouldn't do because they are too nice. I feel like husband has taken advantage a bit.

Yes absolutely.
he needs to apologise to your parents

That CF behaviour!

Bloody hell, yes your DH is a cheeky fucker. Your parent should send the DSS and his mate home

I'm pretty busy this morning, am I ok to leave my kids there too? They'll need a snack about 11 (something healthy).

Thanks.

Yes, that’s entitled and rude behaviour.

DHs excuse was that he told SS to ring him instead if he needed anything but still as the adult in the house, it's naturally going to fall to my DP in some way.

To ask a friend as well?!?! Apparently that was so SS was occupied and didn't bother them...?? What was he thinking.

It’s not for him to change the terms of the arrangement without checking with your parents first. Selfish, self absorbed behaviour.

Massive CF!

Shockingly rude to even ask your parents. Inexcusable to arrange without asking first. Verging on neglectful to not even tell.

Yep, I would tell him to never pull that one again and to apologise sincerely

CF!!

He owes your parent a big apology.

That’s more than rude - that’s an enormous and unfair imposition. He owes your parent a grovelling apology and a meal out or something as thanks.

He’s a massive cheeky fucker.

If he doesn’t apologise to you and above all to them I’d cut off my now to spite my face and tell him they won’t be helping out with childcare again. He and his ex can cover it.

if this is a live situation tell DH to step in by 1/ phoning your grandparent to apologise and give a bit of direction and
2/ call his SS’s friend’s parent to ask if the two boys can go to their house for rhe day, making whatever excuse he needs to (eg didn’t realise grandparent had plans already) even if it makes him look shoddy.
3/ tell SS and mate to go to the other house, pick them up after work
4/ learn from this and never do it again.

If dss is so little bother why can't he be left alone at his dm's home?

That's really bad OP. Especially bringing a friend. Its unfair and he needs to apologise

Yup, he needs to understand this is never to happen again without asking, and making it clear that it’s ok for them to say no.

He owes them an apology.

@Pony67 your dp has a bloody cheek!! his son should only be over if he is there to look after him (or you if you want to!) to have him dumped on your older parent is ridiculous! what if your parent had planned to take gc to town or something like that? what would happen to stepson then? also, stepsons mum, if it is her time to look after her child, should not be expecting your parent to do his childcare!

A 12 year old is old enough to be home alone so I don't think he's being unreasonable. Its dsc home too

Exactly!

I'd be absolutely furious with him!!!! It would be one thing if you were the adult at home (still think he should ask and check it's ok) but to do this to your parent without even asking them?!!! No fucking way!
I'd be making it perfectly clear that he needs to apologise to parent and not to ever pull that stunt again!

It's because DH knows deep down he wouldn't leave SS alone all day if no one was there.

But this is mumsnet, where other posters come on to ask if it’s ok to leave their 16 year olds for 10 minutes while they pop out for milk.

I agree. I think he's chosen to put his ex first

What a dick * *

What would he have said if your parent had arranged to take your child out? They wouldn't have told him as they didn't know his DS was due. Assuming he wouldn't have been impressed.

My BIL did similar to me once, I was looking after my nephew at my house and he'd told his ex that I would look after his DD so she could go to work and just to bring her over. I'd taken my nephew to the cinema and didn't know anything about it until after, I had dozens of calls and texts because she'd missed work. I literally had no clue of their plan. I think I was meant to feel guilty.