Parents moaning their pensions are not enough!!

Bluesky91 · 2024-04-12T21:04:22+00:00

My parents own a large 3 bed semi. They extended it to convert to a huge 5bed house. After I moved out, my brother stayed back. He is not a high earner (teacher). He got married a few years later. His wife works for minimum wage. On their salaries, they will struggle to live on their own - they will have nothing left to save/spend on lifestyle. They have a 4yr old child. They all live with my parents. Earlier this evening, I was visiting my parents. My mom was out with her exercise group. Brother, SIL and DN went out for dinner. My dad ticked off all of a sudden saying they have no money by 20th of every month and it’s very unfair on pensioners. wtf. My parents have TWO pensions. Just that they chose to pay everything for the house, bills, food, cleaner, car, childcare, DNs activities, etc. DB/SIL spend their income on lifestyle and investments. it’s not NHS/ Govt’s problem. My dad got so mad a me for saying this, he shouted at me saying “do you want us to kick your brother out? How will he live?” Within means? Like everyone else? AIBU ?

PuttingDownRoots · 12/04/2024 22:07

That makes no sense. There's a huge range between paying everything including childcare to kicking them out on the streets.

MyFirstLittlePony · 12/04/2024 22:09

Ah that is tough

my husband is a teacher and we are not so poor we have to live with our ILs 😁

your bro and SIL must be hoarding a fortune by now

if they are not contributing to your parents expenses and bills they are terrible users though maybe they will care for your parents when they are elderly?

either way, not much you can do snd best not to get involved in their finances and just keep ploughing your own furrow 💪💪

Acapulco12 · 12/04/2024 22:15

I can see your Dad’s point, in the sense that his pension and your Mum’s pension are having to stretch quite far to cover the living costs of 5 people (the two of them, your DB, SIL and DN).

I know you’re saying that your DB and SIL don’t earn a huge amount of money, but it seems unfair if they don’t pay anything at all towards their living costs.

coxesorangepippin · 12/04/2024 22:17

Spell it out to your dad

Original poster

Bluesky91 · 12/04/2024 22:17

I really hope they (DB and SIL) look after my parents later.
DB doesn’t lift a finger. Dinner is usually ready by the time they get home. DN is brought home from school, shower etc done by the time SIL arrives. They get a cleaner thrice a week. So, cleaning laundry, ironing etc are all done too. SIL helps with bring groceries and other bits, but doesn’t pay for them. She also helps out a bit at home, but DB doesn’t lift a finger even during holidays. My dad thinks DB works really hard. He has a long commute, but I wfh. Seriously, I don’t get it, is my dad jealous ?

OP posts:

Original poster

Bluesky91 · 12/04/2024 22:21

Acapulco12 · 12/04/2024 22:15

I can see your Dad’s point, in the sense that his pension and your Mum’s pension are having to stretch quite far to cover the living costs of 5 people (the two of them, your DB, SIL and DN).

I know you’re saying that your DB and SIL don’t earn a huge amount of money, but it seems unfair if they don’t pay anything at all towards their living costs.

Edited

Yes, totally enabled by my parents though. Db and SIL would pay a bit if my parents ask them to. But they won’t ask. If DB offers on his own (he never did), in my opinion, my parents see this as a massive failure on their part. They have weird notions about providing for “sons”

OP posts:

MissingMoominMamma · 12/04/2024 22:24

What do you mean by jealous? Do you think your dad expects you to subsidise them?

Willyoujustbequiet · 12/04/2024 22:25

I don't understand why you think a teacher would struggle to live apart from his parents. What do you think all other teachers do?

Chatonette · 12/04/2024 22:26

Bluesky91 · 12/04/2024 22:17

I really hope they (DB and SIL) look after my parents later.
DB doesn’t lift a finger. Dinner is usually ready by the time they get home. DN is brought home from school, shower etc done by the time SIL arrives. They get a cleaner thrice a week. So, cleaning laundry, ironing etc are all done too. SIL helps with bring groceries and other bits, but doesn’t pay for them. She also helps out a bit at home, but DB doesn’t lift a finger even during holidays. My dad thinks DB works really hard. He has a long commute, but I wfh. Seriously, I don’t get it, is my dad jealous ?

Can you blame DB and SIL? Most expenses paid, dinner cooked, childcare provided. Of course they won’t move. And your parents believe it’s unreasonable to ask them to move out….

coconutpie · 12/04/2024 22:26

I couldn't stand by and just let this happen. I'd be having a family discussion with your parents, brother and SIL present and say it's financial abuse that your parents are having to provide for everything and to start paying their own fucking way. How can you even be around your brother and SIL knowing that they are taking such advantage of your parents? I'd be furious with them both. It's disgusting.

Citrusandginger · 12/04/2024 22:27

How odd. My Primary Teacher DC & her partner have just bought a house & we're in the South East.

It's not huge, but it's theirs and they live it.

HoHoHoliday · 12/04/2024 22:29

Your brother and SIL are taking the piss out of your parents. Your dad probably feels like he has to pay for everything, because he's the dad. It's horribly unfair for them to be left with no money for part of the month. Have a word with your brother instead of criticising your dad.

Original poster

Bluesky91 · 12/04/2024 22:32

Willyoujustbequiet · 12/04/2024 22:25

I don't understand why you think a teacher would struggle to live apart from his parents. What do you think all other teachers do?

Property prices and rents are super expensive where we live.

OP posts:

LividAA · 12/04/2024 22:32

Your brother is the problem. Freeloading fucker.

(Teacher, single parent, massive mortgage, hour each way commute, getting the fuck on with it because I don’t have anyone to sponge off and I’m not a twat. Tell him to pull his fucking weight and be an adult)

Original poster

Bluesky91 · 12/04/2024 22:34

coconutpie · 12/04/2024 22:26

I couldn't stand by and just let this happen. I'd be having a family discussion with your parents, brother and SIL present and say it's financial abuse that your parents are having to provide for everything and to start paying their own fucking way. How can you even be around your brother and SIL knowing that they are taking such advantage of your parents? I'd be furious with them both. It's disgusting.

This will make my parents very unhappy.

OP posts:

Tourmalines · 12/04/2024 22:34

Old age pension is just that , for the pensioners,and not paying for and supporting extended family ! I don’t know why your dad thinks it’s not fair as in blaming the government. I mean really , that’s so bizarre. What’s not fair Is his son and family leaching off him . Your brother should be ashamed.

TheBottomsOfMyTrousersAreRolled · 12/04/2024 22:34

Bluesky91 · 12/04/2024 22:32

Property prices and rents are super expensive where we live.

Show quote history

Then they need to move

Original poster

Bluesky91 · 12/04/2024 22:35

DB and SIL won’t move out.

They can’t afford this lifestyle
my parents are not used to living on their own
They are too attached to DN

OP posts:

Original poster

Bluesky91 · 12/04/2024 22:37

Tourmalines · 12/04/2024 22:34

Old age pension is just that , for the pensioners,and not paying for and supporting extended family ! I don’t know why your dad thinks it’s not fair as in blaming the government. I mean really , that’s so bizarre. What’s not fair Is his son and family leaching off him . Your brother should be ashamed.

Exactly what I said and my dad got totally mad at me.

OP posts:

buswankerz · 12/04/2024 22:37

I would stay out of it op and if they say again they've no money just mention last time you gave them solutions they didn't like it and leave it at that.

NorthernMouse · 12/04/2024 22:37

Eh? Teacher must be on at least £30k and min wage is now more than £20k full time. So £50k. I can understand it being difficult to pay rent on their own house plus childcare, but how can they not pay your parents rent and a fair share of bills??

Totally bizarre that the issue is seen to be pension not being enough vs freeloading brother & SiL

mjf981 · 12/04/2024 22:39

Your bro is going to end up inheriting the massive house. Tricky situation.

TeenLifeMum · 12/04/2024 22:39

Teachers can choose location. It’s a transferable job. We moved away from the south east to prioritise affordable living. Not being able to move out on 2 incomes, one as a teacher, is bs.

Tourmalines · 12/04/2024 22:41

Bluesky91 · 12/04/2024 22:37

Exactly what I said and my dad got totally mad at me.

Show quote history

Well , let him stew on his own . He is far from logical but it seems he just doesn’t get it .

Acapulco12 · 12/04/2024 22:41

Bluesky91 · 12/04/2024 22:34

This will make my parents very unhappy.

Show quote history

I don’t know if the situation will be more positive for everyone if your DB and SIL move out of your parents’ house - although hopefully it will.

At the moment, however, your parents already seem quite unhappy (your Dad does, in any case, from what you wrote about him and your Mum having to cover the living costs of 5 people).