Parents moaning their pensions are not enough!!

[Bluesky91]

My parents own a large 3 bed semi. They extended it to convert to a huge 5bed house. After I moved out, my brother stayed back. He is not a high earner (teacher). He got married a few years later. His wife works for minimum wage. On their salaries, they will struggle to live on their own - they will have nothing left to save/spend on lifestyle. They have a 4yr old child. They all live with my parents.

Earlier this evening, I was visiting my parents. My mom was out with her exercise group. Brother, SIL and DN went out for dinner. My dad ticked off all of a sudden saying they have no money by 20th of every month and it’s very unfair on pensioners. wtf. My parents have TWO pensions. Just that they chose to pay everything for the house, bills, food, cleaner, car, childcare, DNs activities, etc. DB/SIL spend their income on lifestyle and investments. it’s not NHS/ Govt’s problem. My dad got so mad a me for saying this, he shouted at me saying “do you want us to kick your brother out? How will he live?”

Within means? Like everyone else?

AIBU ?

If social housing were readily available it would be less of an issue. There should not be communities where key workers cannot afford to live imo.

@NamelessNancy houses 5 mins walk from me cost 3/4/5 x what I paid for my house!

Ops brother is taking the piss and I'll bet if she actually said where this is we could all find a suitable property they could afford!!

It's shit that property prices in certain areas are ridiculous but that doesn't mean that there is nowhere suitable for ops brother to move to! He just has it easy not having to actual live like a grown up and that's the point of the op!

@NamelessNancy I get what you are saying, I really do but this isn't the case with the ops brother! Hes just taking the piss!

You might be right. I hope so. That is not what OP has said though (unless we think a one bed flat is suitable for a family of three). I think the family should move to somewhere more affordable but wonder how great the area left behind can be if key workers cannot live there independently.

Why do you think your dad even bought it up though?

Was he just wanting a bit of a vent about finances while everyone was out, and you used it as a reason to go on a big brother-bashing rant? or was he genuinely thinking something would come from it, like perhaps you may have a quiet word with your mum or even your brother?

I'm confused as to why he would even mention it, knowing that there's a very obvious solution to the problem, brother and SIL just need to pay more to stay there!

sounds like your dad is boiling with anger and cant think straight?
I think I'd try & keep out of it😶

I was a single parent teacher for years yet managed to pay a mortgage, pay everything the kids needed ( their dad did pay maintenance) No handouts from parents.
Don't think you can change things. I’d not get involved and if your dad rants again just shrug your shoulders “ what can you do, dad? It’s what db and SIL have chosen” head tilt. “ weather’s looking good for the weekend though”

Maybe your dad is very anxious about how they'll manage when they are older and the lack of money due to hosting freeloaders? As a result he cant calm down enough to reconcile the 2 things in his mind so he lashes out- possibly in the hope you'll offer money so he doesn't have to solve things?

They are taking advantage. Two parents working and no housing costs to pay. I let my 24 year old son live with us for nothing and provide some of his food but he absolutely knows he is expected to be saving for a house deposit as we want to downsize in a few years.

I'd play it dumb with your brother and mention your Dad said he's really short of money and ask if he thinks everything is okay as you're worried about your parents financially and then see what he says.

They are an actual pair of cocklodgers, totally freeloading spongers!!! I've been feeling hard done by as I have my eldest DC living at home for a pittance while saving for a house deposit which they expect to have by the summer, 2nd DC being fully supported through a second degree with no funding, and youngest an undergrad. I think I'm being taken for a mug but your parents are on a whole new level!!

Keep out of it though. If he says anything to you tell him to take it up with DB. This is so so far from the norm!!!

Though I would ask your parents, how are they going to make up to you the level of financial support your brother has had, that you haven't!

I think dad was having a vent because he's worried. A five bedroom house needs a lot of upkeep. Now he's not earning that's a monkey on his back.

Day after day worrying what happens if a roof needs repairs etc.

If your mum is on a full pension he's trying to care for a family on less than 20k a year.

That's frightening with the cost of food, energy, council tax etc.

He's stretching the income thin and with inflation costs maybe worried about the future.

Poor man.

"he got totally mad"

You're sounding like an American teenager.

If your parents want to spend their pensions living as an extended family with their son and their DIL, that's their choice.

Their money, their choice. It's not your problem.
If your brother and his wife are living there, and you think they're taking the piss in doing so, that is your parents problem. It is not your problem.

I’m going to go a bit against the grain and say that, despite seeming financially unfair, the current set up for your parents and your brother’s family seems to be making everyone happy.
Your parents are happy because their big house is full of life and they get to be close to their grand daughter. So many elderly couples feel so lonely or isolated these days and contributing to raising the next generation can help the elderly feel connected and fulfilled. What better way is there to spend your time and resources than building a happy family with a more secure future?
As for your brother and his family, they are happy to have all the support and your niece gets to grow up in a large household with multiple adults to learn from and love etc.
Where your brother should be a lot more thoughtful though is avoiding placing so much financial burden on your parents. He should definitely be proactive in contributing much more so your dad doesn’t have the stress of stretching his pension out.

Your parents can't be paying all this on two State pensions - max £1,769.60 a month. What are you not telling us?

It sounds like your parents have enough space for a small family to live with them, without being too crowded. By all means have a talk with your parents about your brother & SIL taking responsibility for their own needs by contributing substantially to costs. They're in a great position to save for a deposit - how's that going?

Because, quite frankly, it’s embarrassing being a professional who is married with children, but still sponging off your parents.

I’m a teacher and the main earner in my household. We have two kids, pay childcare costs, plus have a nice three bed house and a nice-ish car. One foreign holiday per year plus a few UK breaks.

You cut your cloth accordingly. We lived in a two bed flat with two kids until we could comfortably afford a better house.

We get on really well with both sets of parents and see them both very frequently, but Jesus Mary and Joseph living together sounds horrendous and I wouldn’t do that to my poor parents.

They are CF aren't they. Your parents weren't firm enough and are now paying the price. He won't change his behaviour and turn into a charitable soul who tends to his elderly parents. He will always be a CF.

Does your brother know that his parents are running out of money at the end of each month whilst supporting him? Or did your father choose only to moan to you about it on the side?

The chances that a spoilt rotten son who’s never done anything for himself or his child much less his parents turns around and cares for them in their old age are zero. I’d move away personally!

Has your brother never moved out? And never paid any rent or bills? If we are taking £30k as a teacher salary, allowing for fluctuations for experience and inflation etc (without knowing his age but assuming 30s seems a good guess from what you've said) that could be £300k gross that he's earned and 'cant afford to move out'. Plus his wife on £20k a year if she's full time could have banked further tens of thousands. So potentially they could have a good quarter of a million in savings.
I think you have to leave them all to work out what they want between them, but please don't buy into the bullshit that they can't afford to move out. Even in London that could just about buy them a one bed, cash.

I’m an unpromoted teacher in my mid 30s and I’m on significantly more than 30k, I know teachers in England are not as well paid but I’m on £48k so I’d expect it to be more than 30k?

Sorry to go there, but are you South Asian by any chance? That's a bit of context

Don't you think a 24yr old man should be paying you for lodgings?

Surely a simple solution would be for your parents to sell their house and buy two two bed houses.

One could be gifted to your brother as an early inheritance and the other your parents would live in and would be left to you as an inheritance.

Your parents would no longer be financially supporting your brother and would have much lower running costs on a 2 bed house.