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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wedding rings and DD/DSD

441 replies

TheCheekyKob · 11/04/2024 23:56

I recently had my wedding/Engagement & eternity ring valued at a jewellers for insurance purposes.

A discussion happened after and I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable.

I made a passing comment that it was nice they were valued at more then what we realised but it didn’t really matter as I wouldn’t ever sale them and plan to pass them down to our daughter anyway eventually.

DH was confused and presumed I would pass one to his DSD and I corrected him and said no, I planned to pass all 3 to our daughter as they are my rings. We had a minor ding dong about it in which he said he didn’t think it was fair and as he paid for them he should get to decide where they go after.

I completely disagree with this as yes he may have bought them but he gave them to me! They are the rings that signify our relationship and DSD would probably flog is straight away to get a few quid.

Just for background proposes DH and DSD mum were never married or engaged.

So should I be sharing the rings?

OP posts:
Badgerstmary · 11/04/2024 23:59

I’m with you op. Your rings to your dd. Her mum can give your dsd any rings she may ever have.

StormingNorman · 12/04/2024 00:00

if he’s bought you three rings, does it hurt to give his DD (presumably not his DSD) one? He gave them to you as a symbol of family and considers his daughter part of your family.

neverknowinglyunreasonable · 12/04/2024 00:01

I can don't think it would be crazy to give one to DSD but this should depend on your relationship with her, not who paid for the rings. They are yours to do what you want with.

Rosestulips · 12/04/2024 00:01

No, they are your rings. Is DSD Mum still around?

Rtmhwales · 12/04/2024 00:02

He can give his own ring to DSD to reshape as she wants. He cannot give away your property.

StormingNorman · 12/04/2024 00:02

Or perhaps suggest DH buys his daughter a ring in lieu of her mum having any rings to pass on?

Original poster
TheCheekyKob · 12/04/2024 00:02

Rosestulips · 12/04/2024 00:01

No, they are your rings. Is DSD Mum still around?

Yes. She’s alive although she is unmarried so no rings currently.

OP posts:
saltinesandcoffeecups · 12/04/2024 00:03

First he’s delusional to think she wants the ring. She’ll want his if anything and probably not even as it’s his marriage to you and not her mum.

‘’Second…yeah I got nothing. He’s still delusional

RM2013 · 12/04/2024 00:03

They’re your rings and I think you should get to decide who you’d like to leave them to

goldenretrievermum5 · 12/04/2024 00:04

saltinesandcoffeecups · 12/04/2024 00:03

First he’s delusional to think she wants the ring. She’ll want his if anything and probably not even as it’s his marriage to you and not her mum.

‘’Second…yeah I got nothing. He’s still delusional

He’s delusional to think that his DD may want a ring passed down to her, like her step sister? Get a grip.

saltinesandcoffeecups · 12/04/2024 00:04

Why can’t Cindy be on their own?

Original poster
TheCheekyKob · 12/04/2024 00:05

saltinesandcoffeecups · 12/04/2024 00:03

First he’s delusional to think she wants the ring. She’ll want his if anything and probably not even as it’s his marriage to you and not her mum.

‘’Second…yeah I got nothing. He’s still delusional

She would probably take the ring to sale. All 3 equal just under 8k according to the insurance documents so she could get a few pounds for one instead of keeping it for sentimental reasons.

OP posts:
RightOnTheEdge · 12/04/2024 00:07

YANBU, and if he had said that remark to me about him paying for them so he gets to decide, I'd be chucking them back at him!

BaronessBomburst · 12/04/2024 00:08

DH can leave her some money to save her the effort of selling the rings. They'll have no sentimental value to her.

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 12/04/2024 00:08

If you have three it probably wouldn’t hurt to leave one to your DSD, as she is part of your family. Maybe engagement and wedding to DD and eternity to DSD?

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 12/04/2024 00:09

What is the history around you saying she would just sell it? How old is she and how long has she been in your life?

saltinesandcoffeecups · 12/04/2024 00:09

TheCheekyKob · 12/04/2024 00:05

She would probably take the ring to sale. All 3 equal just under 8k according to the insurance documents so she could get a few pounds for one instead of keeping it for sentimental reasons.

Show quote history

So set aside the equivalent in cash for her and be done with it.

Merrymouse · 12/04/2024 00:10

TheCheekyKob · 12/04/2024 00:05

She would probably take the ring to sale. All 3 equal just under 8k according to the insurance documents so she could get a few pounds for one instead of keeping it for sentimental reasons.

Show quote history

Is that the replacement value or the resale value?

Original poster
TheCheekyKob · 12/04/2024 00:11

MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 12/04/2024 00:09

What is the history around you saying she would just sell it? How old is she and how long has she been in your life?

History is that it’s not her mum and dads marriage so I can’t see why she would want a ring except to make some money from.
Ages don’t matter as I don’t plan to die anytime soon so neither of them would inherit or get passed it for a while yet which means they will both be adults.

OP posts:
Original poster
TheCheekyKob · 12/04/2024 00:13

Merrymouse · 12/04/2024 00:10

Is that the replacement value or the resale value?

Show quote history

Not sure that matters?

Im aware she wouldn’t be able to sale it for its actual worth hence saying she could sale it for a few pounds.

OP posts:
HoHoHoliday · 12/04/2024 00:13

They were given to you as a gift, so they are yours to decide whatever you want to do with them.

But they symbolise your marriage to DH (engagement ring and wedding ring) and your everlasting love with DH (eternity ring).

If it were me, I would share between your child and your stepchild.
I'd give the engagement and wedding rings to the child of the marriage, and the eternity ring to the stepchild as a gesture that you and she welcomed each other into the new family when you married DH.

But your choice entirely. DH gave the rings to you, they belong to you.

VanGoghsDog · 12/04/2024 00:14

goldenretrievermum5 · 12/04/2024 00:04

He’s delusional to think that his DD may want a ring passed down to her, like her step sister? Get a grip.

Show quote history

Why would you want a ring your dad bought for your step mother?

Also, the DD is DSDs half sister, not step sister.

Original poster
TheCheekyKob · 12/04/2024 00:14

DH does have a watch that he could leave her instead so I think il suggest that as that seems fair.

OP posts:
fridaynight1 · 12/04/2024 00:17

Your rings so you get to decide. Make a will asap so there is no dispute.

Merrymouse · 12/04/2024 00:19

TheCheekyKob · 12/04/2024 00:13

Not sure that matters?

Im aware she wouldn’t be able to sale it for its actual worth hence saying she could sale it for a few pounds.

Show quote history

The resale value isn’t necessarily anywhere near the replacement value, so inherited rings are often of sentimental importance only.

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