Wedding rings and DD/DSD

[TheCheekyKob]

I recently had my wedding/Engagement & eternity ring valued at a jewellers for insurance purposes.

A discussion happened after and I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable.

I made a passing comment that it was nice they were valued at more then what we realised but it didn’t really matter as I wouldn’t ever sale them and plan to pass them down to our daughter anyway eventually.

DH was confused and presumed I would pass one to his DSD and I corrected him and said no, I planned to pass all 3 to our daughter as they are my rings. We had a minor ding dong about it in which he said he didn’t think it was fair and as he paid for them he should get to decide where they go after.

I completely disagree with this as yes he may have bought them but he gave them to me! They are the rings that signify our relationship and DSD would probably flog is straight away to get a few quid.

Just for background proposes DH and DSD mum were never married or engaged.

So should I be sharing the rings?

@Bluegaze people don’t all agree with your viewpoint, this is quite evident from the comments. Calling the op an “utter bitch” is ridiculously juvenile.

@SemperIdem obviously not everyone agrees with my viewpoint people have different opinions and thats perfectly normal but that is mine, and according to OP’s other replies if its said in jest with a laughing face it’s obviously a joke so totally fine.

Well yes, he has two daughters and a son, not one daughter that requires compensation because she’s not getting an inheritance from a third parent.

OP and OP’s daughter are in line for exactly the same - inheritance from their respective mothers. Why does the stepdaughter need more from her father than her siblings?

I have no stepchildren but if I did it would make no difference, all my jewellery will be left to my eldest daughter. Step children have their own mothers to leave them jewellery.

You seem unhappy OP.

i’m seeing more ‘bored of posters
wildly extrapolating, creating their own narratives, and slinging insults at her’ than I am ‘unhappy’ tbh.

Some posters appear to be quite annoyed that she isn’t sufficiently cowed by their disapproval.

Im a stepchild and adore my stepmother. She has been in our family since before I was born technically and I don't remember a time without her. I have a mother - SM isnt my mother. She is just an addition to my life. At Christmas DM&DF would put 50% in each for my main Christmas gift and I would open it at whichever house I was at Christmas morning. Each would then buy me their own stocking fillers. So technically DF would spend more on my younger siblings as the full cost of their main gift fell to him & SM. That was always fine, as I had DM for the other half. It all equalled out. Would I expect any of SMs family jewellery or wedding jewellery? No. Would I want it? No. Means nothing to me. I have my DMs wedding ring from her wedding to my DF, and its sitting in a box. I imagine one day I will sell it as it signifies nothing. My relationship with DSM has nothing to do with her marriage to my father or rings that would live in a box. No correlation at all.

I can't believe how rude some people are being to you here! I'm glad to see you sorted it, and you're absolutely right; they were a gift to you, they're yours to do what you want with. I can't imagine that realistically a stepdaughter would want to keep her not-Mum's rings for sentimental value. People are weird. You're in the right, 100%.

@MNHQ - are you happy to delete the OP’s posts when she sticks up for herself, but ignore people calling her an “utter bitch”? Why is that allowed to stand?

Exactly! How is that allowed to stand. What a absolute joke but it’s the same old on here.

Exactly this. MN is such a odd place.

I didn’t actually call OP a utter bitch I said she sounded like one which is totally different you know as in the way she spoke about DSD and the way she came across in replies.

unfortunately I didn’t get a chance to see OP’s reply to me either so dunno what that was 🤷‍♀️ altho I wonder if the husband watch is valued at 8k cause I can imagine if it was she wouldn’t have been as quick to point out DSD could have that if it was

It's exactly the same sentiment and you know it. Nasty.

I didn’t actually call OP a utter bitch I said she sounded like one which is totally different

😆😆😆 Oh yeah, those two things are like night and day.

Loads of people, myself included! Vintage and antique engagement rings are very popular, as well as being more sustainable and ethical than new stones. I’ve been wearing my antique engagement ring for twenty years and don’t plan to take it off any time soon.

Absolutely not! My wedding ring came as a set of 3 bands, I’ve one daughter who will be getting ALL 3. DH doesn’t have any SC but even then it would still be absolutely not. Let her own mum pass down some heirlooms to her that’s not your job.

Not allowed voting which is a shame as might get a more realistic guide. Sad you don't see DsC as equal family yet marrying

no it isn’t and if you don’t know it I imagine your one of those people that get highly offended easily and often.

I’m with you - our daughters will share my jewellery (especially my rings) although I may leave a token piece to my DSD.

Our estate will be split equally between all of the children though as we have been together a long time. Jewellery is more personal and some of it was my mum’s. I honestly don’t think my DSD would want it. She has her own Mum to leave her sentimental keepsakes.

Exactly. She’s just proving the point of what I called her in my reply.

Yeh.. what a shame I will be looking out for my children.
Wonder if it’s a shame when DSDs mum does the same.

Oo if it’s totally different then blue gaze just sounds like one of those utterly stupid bitches.

Since we are allowed to say that and it’s not the same thing.

I agree with you OP.

My daughter will inherit my belongings, just as my DSD will inherit her mother's belongings.

It is nothing to do with treating DD & DSD differently, but actually treating both girls the same across the broader view of two families. DSD does have a Mum and will inherit from her as well as receiving half of my partners belongings. Just as my DD will inherit from me and the other half of my partners belongings.

Only fair and decent thing to do is leave dsd extra money in his Will from his estate to cover the value of the rings. He paid for them originally and are they are going to dd all be it via you. Then he has treated them equally. He is morally obliged to do that really.