Wedding rings and DD/DSD

[TheCheekyKob]

I recently had my wedding/Engagement & eternity ring valued at a jewellers for insurance purposes.

A discussion happened after and I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable.

I made a passing comment that it was nice they were valued at more then what we realised but it didn’t really matter as I wouldn’t ever sale them and plan to pass them down to our daughter anyway eventually.

DH was confused and presumed I would pass one to his DSD and I corrected him and said no, I planned to pass all 3 to our daughter as they are my rings. We had a minor ding dong about it in which he said he didn’t think it was fair and as he paid for them he should get to decide where they go after.

I completely disagree with this as yes he may have bought them but he gave them to me! They are the rings that signify our relationship and DSD would probably flog is straight away to get a few quid.

Just for background proposes DH and DSD mum were never married or engaged.

So should I be sharing the rings?

Batshit 😂

Is he also going to add up the total value of the things OP has bough him then? So he can compensate his younger children?

YANBU your rings, your choice!

My step sister wouldn’t want my mums rings, but I wouldn’t have a massive issue if she was left one. I think it’s fair she gets left something else though.

I am a step-daughter. I got on fine with my step-parents but never saw them as my mum or dad and they didn't see me as their daughter. Of course their personal belongings went to their children, not me.

I now have 3 (adult) step-kids. I've been married to their dad for 25 years but they don't love me like a mum and I don't love them like my own children. But we get on ok.

Step-families come in many shapes and sizes and there are many ways for them to work well. It is not "sad" when they don't operate according to a single blueprint.

@SpanThatWorld I am also a step daughter and I can tell you it's made a difference to me that I was never seen as an equal child in my step parents eyes.. as a child it hurt very much. I knew I was not thier child whatever I did.

I'm not highly offended by things, in fact I'm fairly chill as a person. I just can't stand bullies who think semantics will hide their intentions. You're just a bully, and I'm happy and proud to call you one.

I also knew I wasn't their child. I was my parents' child.

I wouldn't give this too much attention right now.
They're your rings. Your will needs to state that they go to your daughter when you die. Don't mention it to your husband again. It could turn into a much bigger thing than necessary.
I doubt his daughter will want or expect a piece of jewellery from you. Maybe she'd like her dads watch or ring or something.
If you were very close, it might be a nice gesture to leave her a piece of jewellery but I don't think expected/necessary/traditional.
As for 'who paid for them,' I would ignore that completely.

Same here. It's ok that a step parent relationship is different to a parent one.

Why is that not ok? You quite literally were not their child.

What do boys get? do they get an equal monetary value?

stepdaughter isn’t being treated any differently to any sons.

If you’re going to go on about treating kids equally it should apply to all.

Read the OP’s posts.

They are your rings to give to whom you wish. Marriage and engagement symbolise yours and your husbands marriage and eternity I assume was given on birth of your dd.

I think this is what most people are trying to say from camp share. But OP has it in her head that only her kids should benefit from the situation.

How ironic would it be if her DD was to give one to DSD once she's gone.

I don’t think I’d want or expect the rings my dad bought my stepmum. I love her to pieces but they’d be for her daughter not me 🤷🏼‍♀️ I can’t actually put my finger on why, just that I’d expect my mum to leave her jewellery to me and my sisters, and my step mum to leave hers to her daughter. I don’t think YABU at all!

You are not her mother, the ring wouldn’t mean anything sentimental to her and she would probably end up selling it. The rings are yours and it’s up to you who you give them to. Don’t be pressured by him.