Wedding rings and DD/DSD

[TheCheekyKob]

I recently had my wedding/Engagement & eternity ring valued at a jewellers for insurance purposes.

A discussion happened after and I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable.

I made a passing comment that it was nice they were valued at more then what we realised but it didn’t really matter as I wouldn’t ever sale them and plan to pass them down to our daughter anyway eventually.

DH was confused and presumed I would pass one to his DSD and I corrected him and said no, I planned to pass all 3 to our daughter as they are my rings. We had a minor ding dong about it in which he said he didn’t think it was fair and as he paid for them he should get to decide where they go after.

I completely disagree with this as yes he may have bought them but he gave them to me! They are the rings that signify our relationship and DSD would probably flog is straight away to get a few quid.

Just for background proposes DH and DSD mum were never married or engaged.

So should I be sharing the rings?

I’m sure your DD will either sell them or throw them in a box too. DM has rings, so did my aunts - God those bloody ‘rings’. I was told which ones I’m getting. I’m thrilled. (That’s sarcasm).
DM has lots of jewellery, expensive stuff and she’s told me to sell it, it’s not my cup of tea.

You dislike your DSD. Saying that, if you aren’t close will she even want it? I wouldn’t.

My step mum has occasionally commented that she would leave the engagement ring my dad gave her to me (she has sons from her first marriage and they had no children together). I was touched and grateful and if it does happen I wouldn't sell it. I might possibly have it altered or converted to a pendant rather than a ring, but whatever I chose I would want to treasure it as a memory of my dad and the woman who made him so happy.

I think it could be a kindness to leave one of the rings to your step daughter if you thought there was any chance of her valuing it as a sign of familial bonds between the three of you and the love of her dad. If you really think your SD would just immediately sell anything she was bequeathed then I think it's totally understandable that you would rather all the rings go to your shared daughter

Surely its actual worth is the best monetary offer, not what you think it should be worth?
The actual worth drops the minute you exit the jewelry store.

Your DH is ridiculous. Ofcourse you don't have to share with step daughter. She has her own mother/relatives to inherit from

Make sure you state this in your will, rather than be an intention, else it’ll mean nothing.

leaving the watch to dsd is a good idea.

What's your relationship like? I think it's different if you raised her from a young age and she sees you a mother vs. a teenager who you see every other weekend.

My DD will inherit my engagement and wedding rings, as they are a symbol of my marriage to her late father. My son will inherit his father's watch and cuff links. My niece, who I have raised alone since she was ten but who came into our household after my husband passed away, will inherit my pearls. They are beautiful pieces, but not linked emotionally to my marriage.

If you are close with DSD, do you have any non-matrimonial pieces you can leave to her?

I inherited my dms rings, I wear her wedding ring but didn't want the rest. Didn't see the point of them laying in a drawer not being worn and the money paid for a lovely 2 night break at a National Trust location that dm loved to visit.
I'm sure she would have loved to know we did that expeience.
Thanks mum😘

Does your DH realise that they won't be worth much in financial terms as an inheritance and it's more about the sentimental value?

Very reasonable to leave them to your DD, I don't know why your DSD would want them tbh. Leave her a different heirloom with sentimental value more related to her. The watch is a good idea.

YANBU, OP. They are your rings to give away as you choose. Of course your DD should inherit them. If you have a good relationship with your DSD and you have other jewellery that you think she would value from a sentimental point of view, I would leave her that in your will.

If your rings were a product of your marriage to DD's father, then I'd side with you and say that DD should inherit them.

However, you say they were given to you to mark your marriage to DSD's father, so I honestly think she should have at least one of them as she's part of your family unit.

I’m amazed that there is such hostility to a suggestion that DSD receives anything from a woman who literally became part of her and her Dad’s family.

The problem underlining this is that Dad thinks of DD as family and DSM doesn’t even like the poor girl, who I think is still a child by the sounds of it. What a way to talk about a child!

I think that's really harsh. The DSD has a mother, OP would doubtless be flamed if she was trying to portray herself as her mother.

The rings are OP's personal possessions, I think most women would plan for their wedding rings to go to their eldest daughter.

OP isn't begrudging the DSD any inheritance or any of her dad's belongings.

Absolutely laughable on his part. And to suggest he somehow owns them or gets to decide what you do with them because he gave them to you is pretty grim.

Let's not forget the sd does have a mother of her own...

They are your property and yours to leave as you wish not his.

I would make sure you rewrite your will to ensure they pass as you wish as a legacy as it would appear you won't be able to expect him to carry out your wishes on an informal basis were you to predecease him.

I would pass down the eternity ring to her myself, assuming you have a good relationship.

Your rings so your daughter.

His rings, his daughter.

Giving someone a gift is about showing you care. Bequests are not restricted to the mother daughter line unless you choose that.

what I find harsh is the nasty dismissive tone that she would “flog it for a few quid”. This is not how you talk about a family member you like and respect.

No. They are yours. My STBEH wants half my jewellery. But no. They were bought as gifts and they are mine.

Your H is a dickhead. Sorry. He can always buy his daughter a ring if he feels she's missing out.

Would either of them actually want them. My dad was clear he wanted my mum cremated with her wedding ring. My sister and I then just looked at all the other jewellery and each chose the odd thing, neither of us chose rings.

It's no different to a Mum leaving her rings to a DD and not to a DiL. The step daughter has her own mother and father to inherit from. OP wants to leave her things to her own DC. Nothing wrong with that at all. Do you think step daughter's mother will be leaving anything to OP's DD? Very unlikely so it cuts both ways.

Why wouldn't she sell it? It would have no sentimental value for her, and she would be in no way wrong to sell it.

OP, I would state firmly you are going to be buried wearing all three rings.

He’s nuts. I have one son who will inherit whatever’s left when I’m dead, because I’m his mother.

Those rings are a present, and the giver does not have any say in what the recipient does once they have been gifted. If he's that bothered then why doesn't he buy his daughter a nice ring?

You have quite a negative view on your step daughter without much of a story behind it.

they are your rings you can do what you want with them but chances are that your daughter won’t be as sentimental about them as you think.

they will go in a box somewhere gathering dust or be sold.

if you want them to be sentimental you would be better seeing if your daughter wants to use them when she gets married.