Wedding rings and DD/DSD

[TheCheekyKob]

I recently had my wedding/Engagement & eternity ring valued at a jewellers for insurance purposes.

A discussion happened after and I’m not sure if I’m being unreasonable.

I made a passing comment that it was nice they were valued at more then what we realised but it didn’t really matter as I wouldn’t ever sale them and plan to pass them down to our daughter anyway eventually.

DH was confused and presumed I would pass one to his DSD and I corrected him and said no, I planned to pass all 3 to our daughter as they are my rings. We had a minor ding dong about it in which he said he didn’t think it was fair and as he paid for them he should get to decide where they go after.

I completely disagree with this as yes he may have bought them but he gave them to me! They are the rings that signify our relationship and DSD would probably flog is straight away to get a few quid.

Just for background proposes DH and DSD mum were never married or engaged.

So should I be sharing the rings?

I don't think a DiL and a SC are comparable at all. A daughter in law is in your life and family based on their relationship with your child, something you have no choice or control over. A stepchild is someone you've chosen to become family with when you choose to marry their parent, they're part of the deal. SD mum hasn't married OP so not sure why she would be expected to consider OPs DD as part of her family?

Be careful. They’re all his children, so he should be giving something to all of them. If he gives just his eldest a watch just to make up for you not giving dsd something, then he’s treating his other children unfairly.

Dsd isn’t your child, so it’s different and that’s why you won’t be leaving her a ring. There is no reason for your Dh to go making up for that by making a point of just giving his eldest something.

It’s only a negative view if you think selling someone’s belongings is negative after they die.

I personally don’t and I don’t think it’s wrong that she would sale them but I’d rather pass them to my daughter who is more then likely going to keep them for sentimental reasons.

Clearly if she was on hard times and had to sale them that’s another thing.

I agree.

I'm my husband's second wife. (The first is currently with her fourth partner.)

My husband asked his son if he wanted his ring.* The son said he didn't wear rings, so DH later told me to give the son his watch. I've passed it on but - for all I know, it's been sold.

OP, pass on the things that are important to you to the person you want to give them to.

*DH did have a wedding ring, but stopped wearing it after he had a stroke. This was a signet ring that we bought between us and he wore it on his right hand.

In our family we get buried with our wedding and engagement rings. One of the bonuses being that nobody bloody argues over them!

I appreciate your DH looking out for his other daughter, I think the idea of her getting her dads watch is much nicer.

As a step daughter I don't want or expect any of my step mums rings. No disrespect to her at all, she's been in my life since I was 9 and we have a great relationship. I'd fully expect them to go to my half brother's (her son) future partner or daughter.
She did get a earing/necklace set of my granny's (dads mother) that I would like but more for sentimental than monetary value but I would never expect it.

I’ve put in my will that my girls will have my jewellery. May seem wrong to some, but I want them to go to my direct children, as some of my older bracelets etc have been passed down from grandparents

For insurance that will be the value to replace like with like at current retail prices.

Not what they would be worth if sold second hand

Why would she want it other than for monetary purposes??

Can you imagine him saying "Hey, DD, here's the engagement ring I bought for a woman that isn't your mother"!

If he's that fussed he should adjust his will so that his other DD gets £X amount more than your shared DD to even it out, but I agree that they should all go to your shared DD.

Your mistake here is assuming DSD won't see any sentimental value in the rings so assume she'll sell them.

Maybe talk to dsd? After all - you married her dad and your dd is her sibling.

Why does the OP keep saying "sale" instead of "sell"?

The usual MN advice for inheritance in blended families is that the DD would get all of OP's half of the estate and the DH's would be split between the two girls. So surely the rings would come under OP's half.

I have done the same. Some of the jewellery goes back to my great grandmother and has passed down the female line. Luckily I already have grandaughters as I wouldnt know what to do do if the female line stopped

I am a step daughter and a half sister. My father had a child after me and I also have a step dad. There is no way I would want or expect my step mothers wedding rings etc - they are hers and were a gift from my father - she owns them, she can give them to her own daughter/other relation/ charity

The DSD has a mum. She’ll get her due inheritance from her own mum.

This is essentially how it will be split. We do have another child together who will get his dads ring.

My share of the house will be split 2 ways to 25/25

His share will be 3 ways so 16.5% approx

so approx.

DD = 41.5%
DS = 41.5%
DSD = 16.5%

left over % would just be fees etc.

I think this is pretty typical of step families set up.

That's such a shame and a waste!

Very confused, is the other girl his step daughter or his daughter? Your rings are not his to dictate where they should go though.

My bad.

My DSD, his DD.

It was very late when I wrote it!

I would find it odd if my step mum gave me a ring. Very odd.

But my parents were married, so we have been given their wedding bands and sisters given engagement and eternity rings. Neither wanted to keep them after they divorced!

How do you know that your own DD won’t sell them? I’ll answer your question for you - you don’t. You just don’t want them going to DSD as you obviously aren’t a fan of her and want to make it clear

honestly, some people. Determined to make any old crap up.

Errrr no, because she’s already getting three rings from you.
Are you always this jealous and bitchy about your DSD? Sounds healthy…

When my step mum died her rings were divided between her biological children and me. I treasure it
Yabu

I would point out to him that the way he is going, it is abundantly clear that you will outlive him, so he shouldn’t worry his pretty little head about it. Then offer to make him a cup of tea in a very sinister voice.