Today's telling off from DH

[Wowohwow88]

DH and I are not in a good place at the moment. I have really tried but everything I say or do is wrong in his eyes.

We are going away for the weekend with the children for 4 days tomorrow. I had to work today in the office, and he the day off. Today I have been moaned at for:

Staying half an hour late at work to handover to the team some work they need to cover for me

Went into the office rather than asking to wfh as we're taking my car and he wanted to load it up (Thuraday is a day I have to be in the office and I wanted to do my handover in person. We're not leaving until 12pm tomorrow)

Got a text message to say I had stacked the cups in the cupboard wrong (they didn't fall out he just didn't like the way it was done)

He has been off all week while I have been working do naturally a few bits for the holiday have fallen to him although I have done all of the clothes washing, loaded and unloaded the dishwasher and the general day to day house stuff as well as dropping off and picking up youngest DC from nursery.

It feels like because he has to do a few bits he feels like he is fed up and makes me feel like i don't do enough

If this is normal for him then you should consider replacing him with an upgraded model who can handle the basics of domestic life with a woman who has a job and not resort to moaning.

What @pointythings said. If my DH had mentioned the cups weren’t stacked right he’d be in charge of putting anything away in the cupboards from now on. I’d also have had serious words with him if he’d text me about it. Does he have nothing else going on his life other to whine about the way cups are stacked?

He has been off all week while I have been working do naturally a few bits for the holiday have fallen to him although I have done all of the clothes washing, loaded and unloaded the dishwasher and the general day to day house stuff as well as dropping off and picking up youngest DC from nursery.

Why?!

What's wrong with him that he can't do these jobs? And who made him boss of you?

Urgh.

You not in a good place because you're married to a complete dickhead.

I really am sorry. My advice is to seek a divorce. If you have to stay, I suggest going nuclear sometimes, "I'll stack the fucking cups any way I please. You're not my manager and I'm not staff. Stack them yourself if you care but don't waste your breath telling me. FFS." I could be more grown up and talk about assertiveness skills but he's clearly doing it in full knowledge he's a wanker.

What was your response to the complaint about the stacking of the cups?

Got a text message to say I had stacked the cups in the cupboard wrong

Surely, surely you can see how abnormal this is? No normal adult texts another adult to complain about cups that have been stacked in a way that displeases them.

And you don't have to skivvy around while he has a week off. This isn't a good marriage. You must know that.

Wherever it is that you're going on holiday, leave him there and come back without him.

LTB

Sleeping with the Enemy - remember how that ended

Imagine yourself in a bubble. Physically separated from his ridiculous complaints. They are his problem, not yours - don't take responsibility for them.

I didn't respond immediately to the comment on the cups, I was in a call so didn't want to be rude and pick up my phone and it was about an hour later that I replied with something else...however I was also moaned at about the length of time it took me to reply

FML I could not stay with someone who is that petty and useless.
I work excruciating hours, my partner had done an online shop, loaded the car and booked the restaurants when we went away for a few days with the kids over Easter.

He also works full time.

And never moans about my cup stacking.

Times like this I want to offer to shove the cups where I think they should go; right up his arse.

Excellent advice 😁

What a dick. Urgh how unattractive. Throw him back.

@Wowohwow88 I am so sorry, he sounds awful.

@Wowohwow88 the title of you’re thread sounds like this is par for the course - ie him “telling you off” on a regular basis. Sounds like a rubbish existence. Time for a talk with your H re expectations and what is acceptable and what is not. But in all honesty, it sounds like that ship may have sailed.

God he sounds like an absolute dick.
The things he has moaned about are pathetic, he needs to step up and get the fuck on with it. Christ, if moaned about miniscule shit like that it would be a fucking running commentary, I don't -I just get shit done.

He sounds dreadful, controlling and nasty.

Is this normal for him? What other issues do you have?

He sounds really hard work and grim to live with. Time to think about moving on without him.

Of course it’s completely unreasonable but it’s not about the cupboard, it’s because he’s unhappy and feels frustration and resentment

Not saying it’s an excuse to be a dick, obvs

Have you looked at counselling to get closer to what’s going on beneath the picking and disagreements?

If I got a text to say I’d stacked the cups the “wrong” way I think I’d laugh at the petty lunacy then when I got home id smash his favourite one and leave the broken bits on his side of the bed just to ram the point home

Seems like hes being a complete arse because hes having to do a bit of something. Im sure he could have loaded the car tonight or in the morning before you go without it being an issue. Seems like hes looking for an argument

Yes this is normal behavior. I expect some form of daily mention of something I have done wrong. Its honestly draining.

Usual themes are

The curtain isn't done properly (we have patio doors and he has a thing about the curtain being done in a certain way to stop the dc tripping over. I honestly do it how he has shown me every day and every day I am moaned at for it)

I work too much. I work 9-5 ish. Stop for lunch sometimes but that's usually either sorting a load of washing out or doing the school run when eldest dc is at school. If he walks in when I am on a call he expects me to stop the call to talk to him and gets annoyed when I ignore him as I'm on a call

I empty the dishwasher before work but occasionally forget to put something away (a bowl or a cup) will get called lazy or told that I must have been rushing back to work if I miss it. He won't then put it away himself, it will be left out for me to do

He's emotionally abusive 😔 What an awful existence for you. Is there someone you can talk to?