Today's telling off from DH

[Wowohwow88]

DH and I are not in a good place at the moment. I have really tried but everything I say or do is wrong in his eyes.

We are going away for the weekend with the children for 4 days tomorrow. I had to work today in the office, and he the day off. Today I have been moaned at for:

Staying half an hour late at work to handover to the team some work they need to cover for me

Went into the office rather than asking to wfh as we're taking my car and he wanted to load it up (Thuraday is a day I have to be in the office and I wanted to do my handover in person. We're not leaving until 12pm tomorrow)

Got a text message to say I had stacked the cups in the cupboard wrong (they didn't fall out he just didn't like the way it was done)

He has been off all week while I have been working do naturally a few bits for the holiday have fallen to him although I have done all of the clothes washing, loaded and unloaded the dishwasher and the general day to day house stuff as well as dropping off and picking up youngest DC from nursery.

It feels like because he has to do a few bits he feels like he is fed up and makes me feel like i don't do enough

I have read all your posts OP and despite what I’ve said in my previous post ( about my experience and that you can work at it ) I have to say that your situation feels very different, it seems very cruel . I have read that he has criticised your job , your parenting alongside the other things . Yes I had a rough time in my marriage but he never criticised my parenting and has never been anything but supportive of my career .

If we had arguments over his constant moans , he would say that he wasn’t always criticising me or that he was tired etc - he never then further criticised me by saying “ do it properly then “ . What an awful thing to say and it’s showing that he has no regret of the way he speaks to you and thinks it’s acceptable because you are not doing something in the way he thinks is “right”.

This sounds very emotionally abusive .

Sounds like he’s unhappy in work and he’s dealing with it by trying to bring you down.

The issue might be he has low self esteem/a low sense of self worth. People like this who can’t find the wherewithal to improve themselves often try to tear others down to make them feel better.

Agree.

You seem to have two choices ahead of you - draw the relationship to an end or stay.

If you stay, then it needs to change and the quickest way to get your point across, if reason has failed, is to go nuclear a few times and make it clear you aren't putting up with this crap in future.

It will either encourage him to change or end the relationship.

Have a think, OP.

I honestly think you'd be better off without him. He is grinding you down; don't let him. Life is too short.

Go on your holiday and while there, leave him at the beach and come back with a new hunk you found on the beach 🤣

I divorced my exH for this kind of behaviour. It is exhausting trying to deal with that level of ‘you’re not good enough’ every day! Once he left our home I realised I had being doing everything - the only thing that changed was I didn’t have someone continually telling me I was rubbish at doing everything… LTB!

Honestly OP, you need to have a really serious think about the man you are married to. He sounds totally unhinged, he texts you about stacking cups wrong, he sulks and interferes when you are trying to work. This isn't normal. He has the audacity and the sheer fucking gall to suggest that you aren't looking after your children well....how dare he. He then buggers off on weekends with his mates and leaves you with sole childcare. He's a controlling abusive piece of shit. Really and truly OP you are better off away from this cruel controlling abusive pig. Either put your foot down with him and put boundaries in place or kick this nasty little oik to the kerb and divorce him

So you think the way he speaks to his wife is acceptable? You think it's ok that he thinks he's the king of his castle? That he interrupts his wife's work?

Is this how you behave?

You will be so much better off without him. Honestly, what everyone's saying is right.

If my dh complained becaused I'd missed putting a bowl away when I'd covered everything else, I'd say something like "as I've done all the rest, I think it's your turn". But if you think that is likely to push him into violence then don't.

OCD doesn't explain how disparaging he is of his wife's work

You really think someone like this is open to having a 'talk'?

He’s incompetent and useless. He’s deflecting his uselessness in trying to grind you down with petty gripes. He’s treating it like a competition at who’s the best parent. What a twat!

Stacked the cups the wrong way?

Sleeping with the enemy vibes!

%3D

After reading your update am shocked, he puts down your work, your parenting, how you stack the bloody cups, the stupid curtain thing. I really think he is never going to change and for your peace of mind and before he destroys your mental health I would really be getting a plan in place to kick him out and have a peaceful life with your children. So what if the child likes to play with the tap and water, I remember as a kid I used to use my dad's shaving foam and my toothbrush thinking I was making candy floss in the sink , (no I didn't eat it) .
There is only so much the human spirit can take before it is crushed.
Was he always like this or when did he change. I cannot see him changing even with counselling as he is too far gone. Pls look after yourself and keep posting for support.

Does he have any redeeming features @Wowohwow88?!

And maybe he's just an arsehole.

My hubby started getting like this and I was very hard on him. Turned out he was dying and his brain was affecting him quite significantly. I say this only because I don't know if you DH has recently turned into a dickH or if he's always been like it. My hubby became like it and I felt guilty for a long time that I hadn't realised he was dying (liver failure MRSA following an op and the aggressive antibiotics killed off his liver). If its a new thing he needs to see a Dr. If it's his normal modus operandi, get shut of him. You deserve better.

Words fail me. Can only suggest that you seek legal advice about finishing this abusive relationship. Not a good role model for DC either.
In the meantime Grey Rock.
Imagine being single again & living without this unimaginably ghastly person.

He's totally out of order. It is probably a degree of jealousy about your enjoyment of work and satisfaction you gain from it. However, rather than say that, he's being petty and unpleasant to you.
He needs to get some help (& within a set time frame) or you need to consider options. You should not have to live like this.

The problem is that you're simply not good enough for him and never will be.

Acknowledge this fact and hand him his packed bags. He won't need to give back the keys as you'll have already changed the locks. Set him free.

Seriously, whatever uou do won't be goid enough and this prick is dragging your MH into the gutter. It's not you, it's him. Either he enjoys putting you down (guaranteed) or he's got a replacement set up (possible)

A noose?

Having a pet perve is one thing.

Constantly undermining your other hslf is an entirely different kettle of fish.

@Wowohwow88 Your husband sounds very much like mine. No advice, just solidarity. They can be proper arseholes sometimes 🙄

He’s an absolute dick. Tell him to stop being a control freak who feels at liberty to boss you around about utterly pathetic non-events or to fuck off and find someone willing to put up with his shitty attitude.

I’d wait for him to finish packing the car and drive off without him! send him a text to not to forget to sort the cups out!