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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a toddler shouldn't be alone in a park?

249 replies

sleepfortheweek · 09/04/2024 17:07

I keep thinking about this and wondering what else I should have done.

We were visiting family at the weekend and my DDs (7&9) wanted to go to one of their favourite parks. The park is quite big, situated right by the river.

It was quite a stormy day, but dry. I noticed a young girl, I would say around 2.5yo, wandering around the park. I assumed she was with one of the many families that were there. She was interacting with quite a few different groups, so at first I didn't think too much of it other than thinking she must be cold. She was wearing a short sleeved cotton tshirt dress. No tights (or even a vest over her nappy) and no cardigan/jumper/jacket. I kept my eye on her as she was latching on to my DDs, while looking around to see if anyone was watching her.

After around 40-45 minutes, another mum came up to me and asked if she was with me. When I said no, she said she was concerned as hadn't seen anyone with her. We asked the little girl where her mum/dad was but she didn't really speak and just kept giggling and running off. We asked the other people in the park, no one had any idea though who she was. The other mum then around the benches outside of the park as asked any of them if that was their child. Still No. She then went into the cafe overlooking the park to ask in there.

She had found the parents - inside the cafe having a cup of coffee? Apparently they were very rude, saying they had their eye on her at all times and she was dressed more than appropriately (the other mum must have suggested she didn't have enough clothes on!).

The other concerned mum was obviously quite taken aback and left with her DC. Another 15/20mins went by, and I kept my eye on the little girl. The parents then came out and took her away.

There were about 4 exits to the park, with a very full fast river right beside it. There's no way they could see her if she was at the far end. The park was also very busy. So many things could have happened and every time I think of it I get this horrible feeling of guilt/anxiety/regret.

This is surely neglect? I keep thinking I should have said something? I'm really fearful of conflict and I'm feeling like I totally wimped out at the expense of that child's safety. The mum was heavily pregnant, and they must have been early 20s. The young girl had marks all down her face (although that's maybe from just being a toddler!) but didn't seem put up nor down by the presence of her parents.

What would you have done?

OP posts:
Homecountieshome · 09/04/2024 17:08

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DustyLee123 · 09/04/2024 17:10

Rang the police and reported it. If you dont know who they are you can’t report to SS, so it would need to be immediately to police.

TomeTome · 09/04/2024 17:11

You should have called the police

theworldie · 09/04/2024 17:15

This one of those difficult situations where I’m not sure there’s much more anyone could’ve done. I mean aside from calling the police but if the parents claimed to be watching her from the cafe I doubt they would face any punishment.

For what it’s worth there have been times we’ve been on the beach when our dcs were young and I’ve been watching them from our beach hut but well meaning people have approached them thinking they’re alone. I would then obviously go over and let them know I have my eye on them. It’s difficult to know what really happened without being there.

if they genuinely couldn’t see her from their vantage point then that’s disgraceful. Also in a park they could easily run in the path of a swing etc. They sound young and yes, neglectful. Unfortunately some people shouldn’t procreate but forced sterilisation isn’t a thing!

Doseofreality · 09/04/2024 17:15

Another who would have called the police. In fact, I would call 111 now and log it as a concern for a child, the police (if they can be arsed) may be able to pick the family up on CCTV.

theworldie · 09/04/2024 17:17

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But what can the police do?

OP has no clue who they are. The police wouldn’t do Jack shit - how would they even go about investigating this?

waterrat · 09/04/2024 17:21

For arguments sake...tired pregnant mum having coffee and could watch high energy toddler from inside cafe?? Child clearly wasnt feeling uncomfortably cold (i notice children often much warmer than adults fear as they move constantly)

Not sure what point of this is though it may have rung alarm bells but her parents hadnt actually abandoned her so police would really not be interested

waterrat · 09/04/2024 17:23

I actually do think its important adults care for other kids and do pay attention to these situations btw. But perhaps that sometimes means playing with toddler when you can see mum is tired and mayve yes being a bit shit in the moment

MarmiteChocolate · 09/04/2024 17:25

You should have phoned 999 to report a young child unaccompanied in a park with various risks (exits, danger etc) present. Police would have bluelighted to an unaccompanied child and been there in minutes, and would have located and spoken to the parents/carers, taken their details, and referred them onto their local social services who would then follow up.
The child or family may have been known to social care already or classed as vulnerable, and these incidences help build a clearer picture of what is actually going on in a child's life so that appropriate measures can be taken.
We ALL have a responsibility for safeguarding. So doing nothing and then airing it on mumsnet is really not OK, OP.

Mariannas · 09/04/2024 17:28

YABU if you did nothing about this i.e. contact SS/police.

Flopsy145 · 09/04/2024 17:31

If she could see the child at all times then she would have seen you and the other mum speaking to the child a few times, in which case was she not thinking either "oh people are obviously worried" or "those women could be abducting my child" (unusual yes but happens).

Personally I would never do this, I wouldn't even be on my phone at the park, kids can fall off a climbing frame or get snatched in a blink of an eye. How far was the cafe from the park?

Schoolrefusa · 09/04/2024 17:32

I do actually agree with Marmitechocolate, there are times when as adults we need to take the uncomfortable option even if it feels like interfering as this toddler clearly sounds in a vulnerable position. Even if at best she was happy and being watched at all times I think it needs a warning to the parents and definitely an official check that no neglect at home .

Umbongowasyuk · 09/04/2024 18:20

I can not believe you didn't call the police

TheSnowyOwl · 09/04/2024 18:26

Hindsight says to call the police but that clearly wasn’t what you felt needed at the time so I’m going to assume that you felt reassured enough that another parent was aware the girl seemed alone and that her parents had been found. However, you can still report this. It’s possible there will be some CCTV that can identify the child and/or parents. SS may be aware of the description of the parents and take note.

Westfacing · 09/04/2024 18:30

After around 40-45 minutes, another mum came up to me and asked if she was with me.

At this stage, or even before, someone should have phoned the police to say you've found a toddler wandering around and appears to be alone.

GoodnightAdeline · 09/04/2024 18:38

Schoolrefusa · 09/04/2024 17:32

I do actually agree with Marmitechocolate, there are times when as adults we need to take the uncomfortable option even if it feels like interfering as this toddler clearly sounds in a vulnerable position. Even if at best she was happy and being watched at all times I think it needs a warning to the parents and definitely an official check that no neglect at home .

I agree. I’m staggered you didn’t call the police. A huge missed opportunity to protect this poor little mite which now cannot be recouped.

GoodnightAdeline · 09/04/2024 18:42

As for the ‘what would the police do’ comments, if they had turned up and the little girl had been known to SS, this would’ve been logged against the family or form part of a picture of neglect at the very least. I know hindsight it a wonderful thing but nearly a full hour of doing nothing while a 2 year old walks around alone… I’m shocked OP, sorry. Look at poor Emile Soleil - 2 year old last spotted walking alone yet nobody intervened.

Original poster
sleepfortheweek · 09/04/2024 18:48

Thank you everyone for replying.

I didn't know that the young girl was definitely on her own until the other mum approached me. As mentioned, she was 'with' quite a few different people so it wasn't obvious as first she was in her own. I was concerned enough to keep a close eye on her though.

When it became clear the girl was definitely unattended, the parents had been located.

No one but myself and the other mum seemed remotely concerned. There must have been about 20 different families.

I could have phoned the police to let them know that a girl was in the park while her parents were in having coffee and that I was concerned. I should have done that. I should perhaps still contact them. What could they do now? Would they be able to identify the parents from CCTV?

The cafe is about 10 meters away from the park, so not far, but the park is long and as I said had a few different exits.

I wouldn't have left the park without knowing she was back with her parents - it's all well saying that now though.

OP posts:
Gruffallowhydidntyouknow · 09/04/2024 18:59

waterrat · 09/04/2024 17:23

I actually do think its important adults care for other kids and do pay attention to these situations btw. But perhaps that sometimes means playing with toddler when you can see mum is tired and mayve yes being a bit shit in the moment

It's not just a bit tired, it's dangerously negligent and I say that as someone who is relaxed about my children climbing and exploring. I'm not over cautious but I always have eyes on them.

Gruffallowhydidntyouknow · 09/04/2024 19:02

What is troubling me most is that we tend to be the best version of our parenting selves in public. If they neglect her that much when others are around to see it then I wonder how much she's looked after at home.

Like others have said, in cases of neglect where social services are involved it's rarely one big thing, it's the drip drip drip of information that forms a picture that the child is not being looked after in a safe way, that's why you report something like this.

Redglitter · 09/04/2024 19:05

Doseofreality · 09/04/2024 17:15

Another who would have called the police. In fact, I would call 111 now and log it as a concern for a child, the police (if they can be arsed) may be able to pick the family up on CCTV.

It's not a case of 'if they can be arsed' IF they identify them in the park on cctv, what then? How do you propose they identify them and track them down. It's impossible.

I've had incidents at work where people have reported concerns for children but too late to be effective. One cctv camera clearly captured an incident but it was reported hours later and there was absolutely no way to trace the family involved.

Things like that need reported at the time.

Redglitter · 09/04/2024 19:09

I could have phoned the police to let them know that a girl was in the park while her parents were in having coffee and that I was concerned. I should have done that. I should perhaps still contact them. What could they do now? Would they be able to identify the parents from CCTV

Should it ever happen again call at the time. Report there's a 2 year old in the park unattended.

Honestly there's little or no point in reporting now. It's highly unlikely (impossible) they'd be able to identify the family and even if they did they're never going to admit what happened.

RosieCosy · 09/04/2024 19:11

Obviously it's neglect, but your OP made it sound that the cafe was a long way from the park. Ten metres means they could possibly have been able to see her from the window. It's not what I would do, and I do think it is still neglectful, but perhaps a bit less concerning than the park being further away

FuckOffTom · 09/04/2024 19:15

No way would you let a kid of that age wander around a park while you ‘keep an eye on them’ from a distance inside a cafe. That is batshit crazy! I followed DD everywhere at that age as they have zero sense

Original poster
sleepfortheweek · 09/04/2024 19:22

RosieCosy · 09/04/2024 19:11

Obviously it's neglect, but your OP made it sound that the cafe was a long way from the park. Ten metres means they could possibly have been able to see her from the window. It's not what I would do, and I do think it is still neglectful, but perhaps a bit less concerning than the park being further away

Apologies - the cafe is outside of the boundaries of the park but still overlooks it. They would be able to see her for the most part but not the entire park (like, the back exit).

I wouldn't even leave my sensible 7yo DD while I sat in the cafe nearby. It just didn't (and doesn't) sit right with me even though the cafe was close by.

I assumed that once the parents were located they would come out, and I was waiting for them to do so...took a lot longer than I anticipated though.

OP posts: