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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think a toddler shouldn't be alone in a park?

249 replies

sleepfortheweek · 09/04/2024 17:07

I keep thinking about this and wondering what else I should have done.

We were visiting family at the weekend and my DDs (7&9) wanted to go to one of their favourite parks. The park is quite big, situated right by the river.

It was quite a stormy day, but dry. I noticed a young girl, I would say around 2.5yo, wandering around the park. I assumed she was with one of the many families that were there. She was interacting with quite a few different groups, so at first I didn't think too much of it other than thinking she must be cold. She was wearing a short sleeved cotton tshirt dress. No tights (or even a vest over her nappy) and no cardigan/jumper/jacket. I kept my eye on her as she was latching on to my DDs, while looking around to see if anyone was watching her.

After around 40-45 minutes, another mum came up to me and asked if she was with me. When I said no, she said she was concerned as hadn't seen anyone with her. We asked the little girl where her mum/dad was but she didn't really speak and just kept giggling and running off. We asked the other people in the park, no one had any idea though who she was. The other mum then around the benches outside of the park as asked any of them if that was their child. Still No. She then went into the cafe overlooking the park to ask in there.

She had found the parents - inside the cafe having a cup of coffee? Apparently they were very rude, saying they had their eye on her at all times and she was dressed more than appropriately (the other mum must have suggested she didn't have enough clothes on!).

The other concerned mum was obviously quite taken aback and left with her DC. Another 15/20mins went by, and I kept my eye on the little girl. The parents then came out and took her away.

There were about 4 exits to the park, with a very full fast river right beside it. There's no way they could see her if she was at the far end. The park was also very busy. So many things could have happened and every time I think of it I get this horrible feeling of guilt/anxiety/regret.

This is surely neglect? I keep thinking I should have said something? I'm really fearful of conflict and I'm feeling like I totally wimped out at the expense of that child's safety. The mum was heavily pregnant, and they must have been early 20s. The young girl had marks all down her face (although that's maybe from just being a toddler!) but didn't seem put up nor down by the presence of her parents.

What would you have done?

OP posts:

the80sweregreat · 09/04/2024 19:25

The parents were appalling and the sad thing is IF anyone had taken the child or they had fallen into the river, the parents would have probably expected everyone to pitch in to find them!
Poor kid.

Sagittarius · 09/04/2024 19:25

No way would I do that, it only takes a few seconds for her to wander over to the river or hurt herself. Even with an older child, I wouldn't leave them unattended this in this scenario. Bad parenting imo

Re.the clothes that wouldn't be a concern for me as children don't feel the cold the same , or atleast that is the case for my son who will often run around in a t-shirt when I think its cold!

There isn't much you can do about it now though.

dreamygirl25 · 09/04/2024 19:32

Ah thats really upsetting.

dreamygirl25 · 09/04/2024 19:36

Think you probably did what felt right which was search for the parents. Only that the intentionally left her there and were annoyed about being questioned makes this whole thing worse.

whyismysoupcold · 09/04/2024 19:36

When you say park, do you mean playground?

Original poster

sleepfortheweek · 09/04/2024 19:38

whyismysoupcold · 09/04/2024 19:36

When you say park, do you mean playground?

Yes! Sorry - we call them parks but I can see how that could be misinterpreted

OP posts:

SlightlygrumpyBettyswaitress · 09/04/2024 19:42

I would have called the police. In fact this was done when a toddler was found wondering on the estate I lived on within 10 mins. The child obviously belonged in one of the houses but due to the complex of lanes and alleys impossible to work out where they came from.

Vettrianofan · 09/04/2024 19:43

Children don't feel the cold the way adults do so I wouldn't read much into her outfit. She was being watched from afar, even if most of us wouldn't choose to parent that way. They were still there at the park. Not much you can do really.

Vettrianofan · 09/04/2024 19:44

They are the type of parents that leave other parents to babysit their child at the park. Old as time that one. Seen it myself at parks with my own DC.

anon4net · 09/04/2024 19:56

Honestly, I'd probably call now and describe the parents, situation. Maybe the cafe has CCTV and can trace what they paid with so would have their name. I think they need a really serious talking to. The toddler is very very lucky nothing happened, it takes a split second...

hereiamnowwoo · 09/04/2024 19:57

Hi op Im a Social Worker. In hindsight yes you should have called the Police. The Police will always refer automatically to Social Services for a follow-up once they locate the parents. It would at least have notified SS so the parents could be spoken to because it's completely neglectful.

IncompleteSenten · 09/04/2024 20:15

I would have phoned the police as soon as I realised she was unsupervised.

Original poster

sleepfortheweek · 09/04/2024 20:23

IncompleteSenten · 09/04/2024 20:15

I would have phoned the police as soon as I realised she was unsupervised.

When I realised she was definitely unsupervised was the same time as her parents were located and as far as I knew would come out to collect their daughter.

In hindsight I would have dealt with it differently, it's worse the more I think about it.

However, it's not like I was aware for an hour that she was on her own in the park while her parents were having coffee. As mentioned, she was playing with other kids (who could have been siblings for all I knew) and hanging out around other families so it wasn't immediately apparent.

I was obviously concerned enough to keep my eye on her though so should have gone with my gut feeling earlier on.

OP posts:

coxesorangepippin · 09/04/2024 20:23

Yes the parents are neglectful but it's not exactly fair to berate the op for not calling the police?

jolenethea · 09/04/2024 20:24

I would still report to the police now as there could well be concerns about the child's welfare. Maybe they're known or maybe they can't do anything, but I'd leave that decision up to them.

Original poster

sleepfortheweek · 09/04/2024 20:26

jolenethea · 09/04/2024 20:24

I would still report to the police now as there could well be concerns about the child's welfare. Maybe they're known or maybe they can't do anything, but I'd leave that decision up to them.

Yes I think you are right. Unlikely they'll be likely to do anything but you never know.

OP posts:

ageratum1 · 09/04/2024 20:29

The parents were sitting watching 10m away ! She was not being abandoned!

Lifeinlists · 09/04/2024 20:32

The parents were sitting watching 10m away !

Of course they were.

Sagittarius · 09/04/2024 20:34

ageratum1 · 09/04/2024 20:29

The parents were sitting watching 10m away ! She was not being abandoned!

She was a toddler, it is shit parenting.

Merrymouse · 09/04/2024 20:34

OP you did the best you could. I don’t think there is much the police could have done because by the time they got there the family would have left. They clearly wouldn’t have been able to prevent the child from wandering off to the river, but maybe they will think twice about doing the same thing again to avoid another public telling off.

Merrymouse · 09/04/2024 20:36

ageratum1 · 09/04/2024 20:29

The parents were sitting watching 10m away ! She was not being abandoned!

Not close enough if you are near water, and there is no justification for leaving her alone for that long.

Original poster

sleepfortheweek · 09/04/2024 20:41

ageratum1 · 09/04/2024 20:29

The parents were sitting watching 10m away ! She was not being abandoned!

10m away from the closest boundary. About 50m away (or more) from the furthest point of the park

OP posts:

trampoline123 · 09/04/2024 21:06

The original post makes it sound much worse than what it actually is. It's hard to know what to do in these situations but it is neglectful and I would have probably called the police.

It was not a warm weekend, there was a river nearby and any accident could have happened, it just takes a split second.

LindorDoubleChoc · 09/04/2024 21:07

YABU. Toddlers alone in parks is absolutely fine, don't worry about it.

2024istheyearforme · 09/04/2024 21:09

I don't go more than 20 feet away from my 4 year old. I just don't risk it, anything can happen and quickly.i would have phoned police.

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