To think a toddler shouldn't be alone in a park?

[sleepfortheweek]

I keep thinking about this and wondering what else I should have done.

We were visiting family at the weekend and my DDs (7&9) wanted to go to one of their favourite parks. The park is quite big, situated right by the river.

It was quite a stormy day, but dry. I noticed a young girl, I would say around 2.5yo, wandering around the park. I assumed she was with one of the many families that were there. She was interacting with quite a few different groups, so at first I didn't think too much of it other than thinking she must be cold. She was wearing a short sleeved cotton tshirt dress. No tights (or even a vest over her nappy) and no cardigan/jumper/jacket. I kept my eye on her as she was latching on to my DDs, while looking around to see if anyone was watching her.

After around 40-45 minutes, another mum came up to me and asked if she was with me. When I said no, she said she was concerned as hadn't seen anyone with her. We asked the little girl where her mum/dad was but she didn't really speak and just kept giggling and running off. We asked the other people in the park, no one had any idea though who she was. The other mum then around the benches outside of the park as asked any of them if that was their child. Still No. She then went into the cafe overlooking the park to ask in there.

She had found the parents - inside the cafe having a cup of coffee? Apparently they were very rude, saying they had their eye on her at all times and she was dressed more than appropriately (the other mum must have suggested she didn't have enough clothes on!).

The other concerned mum was obviously quite taken aback and left with her DC. Another 15/20mins went by, and I kept my eye on the little girl. The parents then came out and took her away.

There were about 4 exits to the park, with a very full fast river right beside it. There's no way they could see her if she was at the far end. The park was also very busy. So many things could have happened and every time I think of it I get this horrible feeling of guilt/anxiety/regret.

This is surely neglect? I keep thinking I should have said something? I'm really fearful of conflict and I'm feeling like I totally wimped out at the expense of that child's safety. The mum was heavily pregnant, and they must have been early 20s. The young girl had marks all down her face (although that's maybe from just being a toddler!) but didn't seem put up nor down by the presence of her parents.

What would you have done?

I have been through the toddler stage four times with my own DC and followed them around in a situation like that. I wouldn't have the nerve to sit down in case they got hurt. At toddler age they have no sense of danger.

They were 10 m away. I would definitely sit on a bench within the playground 10m away, what is the difference?

Walls?

The fact that the toddler couldn’t see them?

The fact that they had no way of stopping the toddler from moving more than 10 metres away?

From my understanding there was 45 minutes of strangers asking ‘Where’s your mummy?’ ‘Is this your child?’ but they were apparently oblivious.

I can't believe that people are defending very negligent parents!
If they can do this to a child in plain sight , then they can do much worse behind closed doors
I feel sorry for the toddler. They need constant observation at that age anything could have happened

Some people really shouldn’t be parents. Honestly that’s shocking 😮

Also, if you are sitting on a bench you are still in each other’s orbit - the parent can communicate with the child and the child will keep returning to show the parent a leaf/‘look at me!’ etc.

They were inside a cafe…they didn’t have a clear view of the whole playground apparently. Totally different.

After 5-10 minutes it would have been reasonable to ask around yourself and call the police. Are you sure she was that young? Mine were both 5 and still in 2-3 clothes (school uniform was a nightmare to source) not that I would leave them that far aware but certainly wouldn't have followed them about constantly

I would've called the police. In fact if I were you, I would still call the police. Cafe may have cctv ans can find the parents. If they do this in public, imagine what they do at home.

@ageratum1 but they weren't sat on a bench within the play area, they were in the cafe area. Too far away and shes a todder and left to entertain herself for far too long. It would only take a few seconds for the child to wander off towards the river, someone to snatch her although that would be unlikely you never know. Shameful if you think this is OK!

I was in a playground earlier this week and there was a man lurking around, had no children with him but hanging in the playground for a length of time. I watched him and then he walked off on his own eventually. I made sure I kept close to my 4 year old the whole time as I felt uncomfortable with how he was acting.

No, they weren't 10m away. The cafe, which in an enclosed building, was 10m away from the closest fence into the playground. The playground itself is very big, another 40m or so.

Yes definitely. She had a nappy on, didn't really speak or have much understanding, and wasn't as steady on her feet as you would expect and older child to be (still toddled)

I know I'd have kept my eye on the child, as you did, but I wouldn't have rung the police unless almost everyone had left and it was clear her guardians weren't near by. As you I wouldn't have completely left the park without knowing that something hadn't happened to them to prevent them from returning.

I know it's controversial, but I feel that there's a grey area when it comes to raising children and that what I might deem appropriate may be only just slightly different to what others find inaccettabile, and that not everyone draws the line in the same place.
I say this because safeguarding children in Britain is a massive thing, and seems to revolve round the idea that if you think something is not right you should report it.

If travelling in Japan you were to see a very young child alone on the subway, would you still feel the same need to report it as you would had they been in the Uk? And if not why not?
I live somewhere on the continent where primary aged children play and swim in rivers in the summer without adult supervision as they did in the UK in the past.
I know that it would be seen as extremely irresponsible behaviour in the Uk, yet here it's seen as a gift for children to experience freedom and natural in this way.

In my mind OP you did the right thing. You watched out for a young child, who was busy playing happily for a considerable time. I would have done the same.
You didn't know exactly how long she'd been alone, she could have had an older sibling in the park, or whether her parents had asked a friend to keep an eye on her.

The fact that she wasn't upset isn't a negative in my mind, but an indication of an independent and capable child. My own child of a similar age used to entertain herself for ages without needing adult support although I wouldn't have ever left her unattended.
So in my mind you behaved as I would have. You made sure the child didn't come to any harm while you were present and left knowing the parents were present.

I live somewhere on the continent where primary aged children play and swim in rivers in the summer without adult supervision as they did in the UK in the past.

But even then toddlers were supervised by older children.

The fact that she wasn't upset isn't a negative in my mind, but an indication of an independent and capable child.

She wasn’t able to show anyone where her parents were, so it sounds as though she wouldn’t have been able to find them if she needed help. That is not a capable and independent child.

10 metres was the distance from the cafe to the nearest bit of the park. The furthest bit was 50 metres away. With lots of people around to block the view of the toddler.

A fine display of shite parenting!

So what if the cafe was close by? She could have easily had an accident at 2 years old! I also highly doubt that the parents were being vigilant and paying close attention anyway.

The fact that they gave the other woman a mouthful tells me all I need to know.

Yes I admit I missed that part. I remember the Op saying she was playing and interacting with other families, and this was the reason she wasn't sure if the child was with someone or not.
I suppose the fact that the mother still thought it was ok to wait another 10/15 minutes in the café, even after being notified that people in the park were wondering where she was, means that she has made a conscious decision to parent in this way, or possibly being bloody minded.
However, I would never have done this, but in my mind once the parents had been found, and made aware I don't think it warranted police intervention. It would be akin to something I wouldn't ever have done, but to be honest there were many things that I saw others doing, such as toddlers running and playing with massive chupa chup lollies in their mouths or standing up in the back of the car rather than being strapped in.
My view is probably due to living in a different country though, so probably skewed.

My view is probably due to living in a different country though, so probably skewed

Are toddlers really left unsupervised in other countries? - perhaps supervised by older children, or allowed to play in a familiar community, or in a familiar controlled environment, but none of those situations are as described by the OP.

The parents didn't know that other adults were trying to locate them. They hadn't seen that other adults were trying to question their child ( or they just hadn't intervened ). Or they
knew all this and just weren't bothered.

Wherever you come from if other adults are questioning your child and looking for their parents you attend to the matter, regardless of your thoughts on child rearing. The issue could be something unrelated to how you safeguard your child.

These parents were rubbish.

If someone had taken her by the hand and led her out of the park, would her parents have even noticed? This makes me so anxious. Poor child. She approached lots of groups, that would be enough for me as a parent to have to get close enough to protect her if anything happens. I don’t take my eyes off my child and she’s 5, I wouldn’t dream of sitting in a cafe and letting her to her own devices.

Called the police, sorry but this is a major safeguarding issue

I worked at my kids school and took my kids to our local park and saw a child from their school there, Year 1 at the time. No coat, wearing pyjama shorts and a t shirt. Asked him where mum was he said ‘at home’. Looked around to see if older brother (aged 12) was with him but nobody was. The park started closing so I rang a mum I knew, that knew his mum. She came after about 20 minutes and said she had “no idea he’d left the house” then started calling him naughty for doing so. As soon as I got home I rang the head teacher and told her, she notified the council safeguarding team who came to the school to talk with mum. She gave me daggers for months afterwards but I’d rather I knew I did the right thing then let it eat me up afterwards. These parents would be kicking themselves if anything happened to her.

I would have said what I thought to the mum and rang the police and reported jt and stayed with the little girl till they arrived. Some people do not deserve to be parents. How awful for that little girl. My second is 2.5 and I wouldn’t imagine leaving him like that. I literally follow him round the park instead of sitting on the bench! Imagine if she got taken or fell into the river!!

James Bulger was literally feet away from his mother. She turned her head for seconds and he was gone