To think a toddler shouldn't be alone in a park?

[sleepfortheweek]

I keep thinking about this and wondering what else I should have done.

We were visiting family at the weekend and my DDs (7&9) wanted to go to one of their favourite parks. The park is quite big, situated right by the river.

It was quite a stormy day, but dry. I noticed a young girl, I would say around 2.5yo, wandering around the park. I assumed she was with one of the many families that were there. She was interacting with quite a few different groups, so at first I didn't think too much of it other than thinking she must be cold. She was wearing a short sleeved cotton tshirt dress. No tights (or even a vest over her nappy) and no cardigan/jumper/jacket. I kept my eye on her as she was latching on to my DDs, while looking around to see if anyone was watching her.

After around 40-45 minutes, another mum came up to me and asked if she was with me. When I said no, she said she was concerned as hadn't seen anyone with her. We asked the little girl where her mum/dad was but she didn't really speak and just kept giggling and running off. We asked the other people in the park, no one had any idea though who she was. The other mum then around the benches outside of the park as asked any of them if that was their child. Still No. She then went into the cafe overlooking the park to ask in there.

She had found the parents - inside the cafe having a cup of coffee? Apparently they were very rude, saying they had their eye on her at all times and she was dressed more than appropriately (the other mum must have suggested she didn't have enough clothes on!).

The other concerned mum was obviously quite taken aback and left with her DC. Another 15/20mins went by, and I kept my eye on the little girl. The parents then came out and took her away.

There were about 4 exits to the park, with a very full fast river right beside it. There's no way they could see her if she was at the far end. The park was also very busy. So many things could have happened and every time I think of it I get this horrible feeling of guilt/anxiety/regret.

This is surely neglect? I keep thinking I should have said something? I'm really fearful of conflict and I'm feeling like I totally wimped out at the expense of that child's safety. The mum was heavily pregnant, and they must have been early 20s. The young girl had marks all down her face (although that's maybe from just being a toddler!) but didn't seem put up nor down by the presence of her parents.

What would you have done?

I certainly would have given them a piece of my mind and phoned the police. If not comfortable confronting these people, which I understand! You dont know them, or what they are capable of. But if in doubt phone the police, it's what they are there for. Maybe nothing would come of it but you wouldn't be feeling this extreme guilt

@sleepfortheweek Years ago, before mobile phones were owned by everyone, I too saw a toddler wandering alone at 23.00 {11pm} through a Council estate.
I tried talking to him, but he didn't speak.

I followed him, and he wandered through a gate to a back door - He too was inappropriately dressed, {what is it with nappies showing?}

I have thought of this poor kid in all the intervening years..Wish I'd called 999 from a public call box, but none around.

One sees such hugely variable parenting- It's depressing.

10m being the closest point. Not all parts of the playground were visible. The parents were outside of the playground area. There are multiple exits to the playground. The river is just 20m away from an exit.

And I'm quite sure they didn't have their eyes in their 2y every second unless they were walking backwards as they walked away to the cafe, whilst getting their drinks and didn't face one another to talk.

Yes, parents get tired. But it's still their job to supervise a toddler at a playground. They could have tag teamed if they both needed a break. Or one could have gone and got takeaway drinks from the cafe.

It isn't overly normal for your average 2y to be so happy and content whilst unable to see their carer for such a long period of time. This suggests it's not a one off.

Maybe make a report to local police/social services - alert the cafe in case they have CCTV of the day. It may or may not come to anything but it may fill a knowledge gap - family could be known anyway!
Whenever I see a child without an obvious adult nearby I keep a close eye on them - as an Aunt and Mum it's natural instinct. In your situation I would have been very concerned.

This post literally gave me goosebumps, my heart breaks for someone so vulnerable being left alone!

If the parents were watching their child, they would've seen people approaching her and speaking to her. Either they weren't watching her or they were unconcerned by people talking to her, despite being unable to know what that person's motive was or what they might do next. Terrible parenting.

I know- I asked “Is this your house?” To him-
I was young then but now absolutely would have gone to the house to check-

To see a young child toddling along the street under the yellow orange of the street lights with no adult in sight anywhere-
I followed local news stories and no missing Toddlers thank goodness-

I was also intimidated by the estate as it was notoriously rough to outsiders back then.
Very much “ Mind your own business “ attitudes.

You should have rang the police… this should be obvious !

A very middle class toddler died at a party both parents were there, but each thought the other had the little child.

There was a swimming pool with inflatables, and lots of people larking about crashing in and out of the pool.

Child was wearing a device that must have slipped off as the poor soul was found drowned and no one saw or noticed.

It must have been horrific for the parents and everyone there.

Near water or roads, one needs to have a toddler on reins or under really close supervision at all times.

Regarding ringing police- Nowadays, when almost everyone has a mobile phone it’s easy.

When I saw the toddler on the Council estate, phone boxes were trashed and full of pee - They weren’t usable.

edit:
Jamie Bulger case- Has there been mobiles about, maybe more people would have called police(?) at the sight of a distressed toddler.

wow. Early 20s, back to back pregnancy and neglectful. The big three.

Worrying that some people are parents- rivers, traffic etc

I have a 3 going on 4 year old, I barely feel comfortable leaving him in my enclosed garden whilst I'm inside never mind a bloody playground filled with strangers that I wouldn't be able to monitor effectively if it's 50m wide! Sorry but have we forgotten about James Bulger, it only takes a moment to lead a 2 year old off, especially if they were latching on to other families quite trustingly in the park. Poor little thing.

Perhaps call one of the children's charities for advice.

People are criticising the OP and yet a few weeks ago there was a WWYD thread as to whether people would stay at a toddler pool on holiday if an unaccompanied small child was there. A large majority said they would leave as it was not their problem. (FWIW I once spent hours with someone else’s two year old as their parents were nowhere to be seen and the youth/rep apparently in charge had gone off to the beach with a 16 year old !!
The OP kept her eye on the child waiting for its parents to reappear… they could have been in one of the many groups the child was approaching. She didn’t leave the child in the park… the parents had been found.
The next step would have been to look for the parents as the other concerned person did and if that didn’t work then call the police.
OP I think you’re being judged very harshly. You were the one who was keeping an eye out.

I would have done exactly the same as the OP. If I was the only one there though and no parents to be seen I'd not leave a toddler on their own, and would stay with them and call the police.

Btw I don't blame you at all OP I probably would have done the exact same thing as you, wondered where the parents were and used my time to locate them first, obviously you were taken aback when they were totally unbothered.

And then I would be going home and going over all the possible scenarios and how neglectful they bloody were and then tried to find out if there was any use reporting with no evidence or identities. I'd defintely report it to someone though, as someone else rightly pointed out it could all be little pieces of a pattern. It can be up to the authorities whether they persue it or not but at least they have the info to make that choice. X

She obviously wasnt watching her child or she would have come out of the cafe when she saw that parents were concerned and started walking around with child to find them! I wouldnt have gone looking for them i would have rang 999 straight away. I have done this in the past when i saw a little boy on his own (postwoman) The police were were there within minutes and took him home. The boy said he was allowed to walk around on his own. The police went to the house and im assuming had words with the parents and referred them onto SS

No child young enough not to potentially go off with a stranger should be left to roam free in a park or any other area without adult supervision. This supervision doesn't include sitting in a cafe while the child is outside.

Jamie Bulger is probably not in people’s memories now as so long ago.1993

But the grainy footage of that sweet innocent baby being lured away by those very damaged and dangerous 10 yr olds was so desperately sad.
Passersby questioned the abductors- as Jamie was so upset,and were told that Jamie was their little brother.

I’d always err on side of caution now, even if mother/ father was put out.

This.

I'm really shocked you didn't ring the police.

Neglect definitely but ring 999. Hasn’t the mum heard about James Bulger?

Quite possibly not as the careless mother was in her early Twenties.

Poor Jamie suffered the unspeakable in 1993, and Jamie's Mother only had her back turned for a second.

Things not in someone's ''living memory'' tend not to have such a lingering impact.

The fast flowing (cold at this time of year) river would be the decider to call the police. Even if the parents were watching, they couldn’t be there in seconds if the toddler did go too close to the river.

Yep this.