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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a toddler shouldn't be alone in a park?

249 replies

sleepfortheweek · 09/04/2024 17:07

I keep thinking about this and wondering what else I should have done.

We were visiting family at the weekend and my DDs (7&9) wanted to go to one of their favourite parks. The park is quite big, situated right by the river.

It was quite a stormy day, but dry. I noticed a young girl, I would say around 2.5yo, wandering around the park. I assumed she was with one of the many families that were there. She was interacting with quite a few different groups, so at first I didn't think too much of it other than thinking she must be cold. She was wearing a short sleeved cotton tshirt dress. No tights (or even a vest over her nappy) and no cardigan/jumper/jacket. I kept my eye on her as she was latching on to my DDs, while looking around to see if anyone was watching her.

After around 40-45 minutes, another mum came up to me and asked if she was with me. When I said no, she said she was concerned as hadn't seen anyone with her. We asked the little girl where her mum/dad was but she didn't really speak and just kept giggling and running off. We asked the other people in the park, no one had any idea though who she was. The other mum then around the benches outside of the park as asked any of them if that was their child. Still No. She then went into the cafe overlooking the park to ask in there.

She had found the parents - inside the cafe having a cup of coffee? Apparently they were very rude, saying they had their eye on her at all times and she was dressed more than appropriately (the other mum must have suggested she didn't have enough clothes on!).

The other concerned mum was obviously quite taken aback and left with her DC. Another 15/20mins went by, and I kept my eye on the little girl. The parents then came out and took her away.

There were about 4 exits to the park, with a very full fast river right beside it. There's no way they could see her if she was at the far end. The park was also very busy. So many things could have happened and every time I think of it I get this horrible feeling of guilt/anxiety/regret.

This is surely neglect? I keep thinking I should have said something? I'm really fearful of conflict and I'm feeling like I totally wimped out at the expense of that child's safety. The mum was heavily pregnant, and they must have been early 20s. The young girl had marks all down her face (although that's maybe from just being a toddler!) but didn't seem put up nor down by the presence of her parents.

What would you have done?

OP posts:
BeQuickDenimViewer · 09/04/2024 22:33

I once witnessed a mother bring really vile to her children on a bus. I didn't know what to do in the moment but I couldn't forget it.

When I got home I called 101 and ART (social services). They pulled the CCTV from the bus and shared it with schools near where she got off the bus. They identified the family in this way and it all fed into their ongoing EHAP.

A police officer called me a couple of weeks later to thank me for the info and to let me know the positive outcome. I did already know him through my own work (school SLT).

Very glad I made the calls and think you must do the same, OP, even after the fact. If it happens again, 999.

Original poster
sleepfortheweek · 09/04/2024 22:37

Crunchingleaf · 09/04/2024 22:22

I think what is most troubling here is that the toddler was okay with being left. I have three DC two of which are toddlers. Even if they are happy playing away they like to check in with me routinely and share with me what they are up to. This poor child is clearly used to being left alone to entertain herself. Why is that mother having another when she can’t be bothered the child she already has.

She was very content, again why it wasn't immediately obvious she was alone. She didn't look lost, or frightened.

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 09/04/2024 22:48

sleepfortheweek · 09/04/2024 22:37

She was very content, again why it wasn't immediately obvious she was alone. She didn't look lost, or frightened.

Show quote history

That probably just tells you she's totally used to being left to her own devices. Poor kid. My youngest is that age, absolutely no way would I sit inside while he was outside unless it was totally enclosed (e.g. a private garden).

It is definitely a police matter. Totally WTF any parent would do this. And I usually think MN level of required supervision is OTT having moved somewhere that has much more relaxed ideas about children and independence. 2.5?? They have no sense, can't communicate with strangers, and barely any self-preservation instinct!

RadRad · 09/04/2024 22:51

Interestingly, the other mum also didn’t think of calling the police, I don’t know what I would have done in this situation either, but I also have a 2 year old and I would never leave them unattended like that. Useful to read this thread if I see something like that in the future, hopefully not.

MumblesParty · 09/04/2024 23:06

waterrat · 09/04/2024 17:21

For arguments sake...tired pregnant mum having coffee and could watch high energy toddler from inside cafe?? Child clearly wasnt feeling uncomfortably cold (i notice children often much warmer than adults fear as they move constantly)

Not sure what point of this is though it may have rung alarm bells but her parents hadnt actually abandoned her so police would really not be interested

@waterrat if you think that is even half decent parenting then I think you need to do some reading or maybe some classes.

CountryMumof4 · 09/04/2024 23:08

You've got a lot of people slating you for not contacting the police straightaway, but it sounds like you were, quite understandably, trying to assess who the child was actually with. And then when you considered action, the child's parents had been located. Not a nice situation to be in, and the parents clearly weren't keeping an eye on their child properly at all. I think it's a lesson to us all to be both vigilant at all times with our own (I'm probably in the other camp and too vigilant!), but also the children around us.

You did the right thing, OP, in looking out for the little girl. It sounds like SS should probably be keeping an eye on the family, if this is how they generally parent, but it sounds like you did your best at the time.

Original poster
sleepfortheweek · 09/04/2024 23:11

CountryMumof4 · 09/04/2024 23:08

You've got a lot of people slating you for not contacting the police straightaway, but it sounds like you were, quite understandably, trying to assess who the child was actually with. And then when you considered action, the child's parents had been located. Not a nice situation to be in, and the parents clearly weren't keeping an eye on their child properly at all. I think it's a lesson to us all to be both vigilant at all times with our own (I'm probably in the other camp and too vigilant!), but also the children around us.

You did the right thing, OP, in looking out for the little girl. It sounds like SS should probably be keeping an eye on the family, if this is how they generally parent, but it sounds like you did your best at the time.

Thank you ❤️

OP posts:
Lwrenn · 09/04/2024 23:11

I'm an over cautious, rather be safe than sorry type with kids so I'd always ring the police/report to ss type.

I think children are just to vulnerable to not be fearful of their safety, as a society we just dont seem to learn that leaving children unattended is completely disastrous.

MumblesParty · 09/04/2024 23:12

waterrat · 09/04/2024 17:23

I actually do think its important adults care for other kids and do pay attention to these situations btw. But perhaps that sometimes means playing with toddler when you can see mum is tired and mayve yes being a bit shit in the moment

Are you for real? Please tell me you’re not trying to justify leaving a toddler walking around near a river and amongst a load of strangers, just because you’re a bit tired and fancy a coffee in a cafe? If you’re tired you sit on the ground near the toddler. And if you want coffee you bring a flask. And if such things are beyond you then you shouldn’t have kids.

misszebra · 09/04/2024 23:12

call police there is NO excuse for an infant to be left to their own devices. it could get injured, snatched and god knows what.

T1Dmama · 09/04/2024 23:21

I would have done the same as you! Kept an eye on the child until I left, if we’d needed to go and still no sign of parents I would’ve then called 999 and reported concerns. Waited till they arrived ans then left them to it

Awaydays · 09/04/2024 23:25

I would have called the police. Even the fact that the child was calm whilst not having interaction with a known caregiver for that period of time would be a red flag to me at that age as it suggests she is used to it.
I once called the police because I saw a minor (around 11) walking along the road behaving in a way where they appeared to be drunk or on drugs, they were with 2 adults who were behaving strangely and it was one of those situations where I didn't quite know what was going or if the child was definitely on something or just playing up and I wasnt sure what I should do but I knew something wasn't right so I called the police who came straight out and went to look for the child to check they were OK. I'm only adding that in as people some posters have said, 'what would the police do?' but when it comes to children they will go and check to make sure everything is okay, even if you don't know for definite what's going on.

I would still contact the police now to log it, as other's have said, they may be known to them or the cafe workers might be able to tell them who they are or if it happens often. After that there's nothing more you can do but at least you'll know that you've done everything you can in the situation.

Thedogscollar · 09/04/2024 23:31

ageratum1 · 09/04/2024 20:29

The parents were sitting watching 10m away ! She was not being abandoned!

Total neglect. She was approx 2.5yrs old.
If you think this is OK then that's bloody shameful.

MumblesParty · 09/04/2024 23:58

ageratum1 · 09/04/2024 20:29

The parents were sitting watching 10m away ! She was not being abandoned!

@ageratum1 do you have a toddler? If so, try taking your toddler into a town centre, then walk 10 metres away. About half the length of a tennis court. Sit down with a coffee and watch your toddler. But only now and then, because obviously you need to pay for your coffee, and look down to drink it - so you won’t look all the time. And add in lots of people, obstructing your view. And maybe an escalator, or a balcony (equivalent danger to a river). Do you feel comfortable doing this? Only a truly shit parent would think this level of “supervision” was acceptable.

ittakes2 · 10/04/2024 02:03

I would have also called the police.

startingagain202 · 10/04/2024 02:20

I'd have called the police if I couldn't find the parents within a few minutes.
The idea that a toddler was just in the park alone is bonkers.
The family sound like they may need support and hopefully help from SS.

Codlingmoths · 10/04/2024 02:23

waterrat · 09/04/2024 17:21

For arguments sake...tired pregnant mum having coffee and could watch high energy toddler from inside cafe?? Child clearly wasnt feeling uncomfortably cold (i notice children often much warmer than adults fear as they move constantly)

Not sure what point of this is though it may have rung alarm bells but her parents hadnt actually abandoned her so police would really not be interested

Near water? There is no arguments sake here, just neglect.

Codlingmoths · 10/04/2024 02:23

T1Dmama · 09/04/2024 23:21

I would have done the same as you! Kept an eye on the child until I left, if we’d needed to go and still no sign of parents I would’ve then called 999 and reported concerns. Waited till they arrived ans then left them to it

Really? I would not have just waited until it was time for me to leave.

caringcarer · 10/04/2024 02:42

Good to reflect on this incident and discuss on MN because if any of us saw similar now I think we'd call the police if the parents not around after 15 minutes.

Blondeshavemorefun · 10/04/2024 03:32

Tbh if I had gone Round the whole park asking people if their child and all said no I would have called the police

Sitting inside a cafe not being able to see your child or surely they would have come up to you if with her - is neglect

Hindsight is a wonderful thing but yes should have called police

You still can and sure the cafe would have cctv

cerisepanther73 · 10/04/2024 04:03

@waterrat

By informing police they could find out from Ctv etc,
Who struggling couple family were

therefore flag up to social service interventions for much needed extra support and close eye 👁 on them for time being or and temporary fostering etc.

I

cerisepanther73 · 10/04/2024 04:05

I think 🤔 you should still inform police do this as soon as possible straight away...

cerisepanther73 · 10/04/2024 04:06

Definitely do what @Blondeshavemorefun said in ubove post too.

Vettrianofan · 10/04/2024 07:08

sleepfortheweek · 09/04/2024 22:37

She was very content, again why it wasn't immediately obvious she was alone. She didn't look lost, or frightened.

Show quote history

That alludes to the fact she's used to mingling with other children and is used to being left to her own devices routinely.