To think a toddler shouldn't be alone in a park?

[sleepfortheweek]

I keep thinking about this and wondering what else I should have done.

We were visiting family at the weekend and my DDs (7&9) wanted to go to one of their favourite parks. The park is quite big, situated right by the river.

It was quite a stormy day, but dry. I noticed a young girl, I would say around 2.5yo, wandering around the park. I assumed she was with one of the many families that were there. She was interacting with quite a few different groups, so at first I didn't think too much of it other than thinking she must be cold. She was wearing a short sleeved cotton tshirt dress. No tights (or even a vest over her nappy) and no cardigan/jumper/jacket. I kept my eye on her as she was latching on to my DDs, while looking around to see if anyone was watching her.

After around 40-45 minutes, another mum came up to me and asked if she was with me. When I said no, she said she was concerned as hadn't seen anyone with her. We asked the little girl where her mum/dad was but she didn't really speak and just kept giggling and running off. We asked the other people in the park, no one had any idea though who she was. The other mum then around the benches outside of the park as asked any of them if that was their child. Still No. She then went into the cafe overlooking the park to ask in there.

She had found the parents - inside the cafe having a cup of coffee? Apparently they were very rude, saying they had their eye on her at all times and she was dressed more than appropriately (the other mum must have suggested she didn't have enough clothes on!).

The other concerned mum was obviously quite taken aback and left with her DC. Another 15/20mins went by, and I kept my eye on the little girl. The parents then came out and took her away.

There were about 4 exits to the park, with a very full fast river right beside it. There's no way they could see her if she was at the far end. The park was also very busy. So many things could have happened and every time I think of it I get this horrible feeling of guilt/anxiety/regret.

This is surely neglect? I keep thinking I should have said something? I'm really fearful of conflict and I'm feeling like I totally wimped out at the expense of that child's safety. The mum was heavily pregnant, and they must have been early 20s. The young girl had marks all down her face (although that's maybe from just being a toddler!) but didn't seem put up nor down by the presence of her parents.

What would you have done?

In what way? I think I explained the situation fairly accurately

No point beating yourself up about it now. You weren't feeling right about a situation, you've asked for some 3rd party input, you've seen some different perspectives on it and you're now armed with some alternative solutions in case it happens again.

This is why some people should not be parents. I am constantly amazed at other parents stupidity/lack of awareness.

Don't care if the cafe was 1 metre or 10 metres, who leaves a toddler to wander around a park by themselves ffs. If you're so desperate for a coffee and a sit down, you take turns with someone watching the child.
I suppose calling 111 to log a concern would be appropriate but I'd probably have given the parents a peace of my mind if I'd have found them, or minded the child till they eventually came to get her then let rip. Disgusting.

I found an 18 month old alone in Kensington Gardens once. After a matter of minutes, not seeing an adult anywhere near, we rang the police who came immediately.

It turned out that the child was with au pair who was not watching her and was looking for her in another part of the park. The police would not give the child back to the au pair and took the child somewhere while they contacted the parents.

It was horrific seeing a child that young totally alone. Still gives me the shivers.

It originally made me think of a huge green park on a rivers edge.

I wonder if she's actually saying daddy's stopping me (from doing something she wants to do) and she's a bit annoyed about it.....

Sorry wrong thread

It kind of is, and within that there's a fenced off play area (with 4 exits) that the girl was in. The cafe is outwith the fenced off area, but close by, and if you get a window seat you can see most of the play park

From one of the exits, the river is approximately 20m away.

I assume (hope) is sarcasm!

That’s awful, I can understand why it’s preying on your mind. The set up reminds of a park I go to. My friend and I used to go, 2 kids each, and really worked hard to keep an eye on them all. Dd2 vanished from sight when she was about 6 and that was terrifying enough for 5 mins or so.

it was v negligent of the parents and I think react quicker next time, but I hope they’ll pay more attention now they’ve been spoken to and they know others have noticed.

It's unacceptable behaviour from the parents, I would say neglectful. In retrospect you probably should have called the police but in the moment it's hard to know what to do for the best sometimes. You could probably still report it, they might be able to track the parents from cctv, bank cards used in the cafe etc....

I can see how the situation ended up where it did OP. You never quite know if the parents are going to come bowling around the corner all in a flurry looking for their child. You clearly tried to do the right thing.

And yes I think the parents were shit parents. This child was too young to be so far away for all that time.Especially with a river so nearby.

So hard to know what I'd actually do in that situation. They clearly were not keeping an eye on her. I have a 21 month old so a bit younger no way would I leave him alone in a park or anywhere!

I never understand how some parents can be so blasé about leaving their children unattended. I start to (internally)panic and fear the worst almost immediately if I can’t see my children in the park when I look around for them! 🤦🏼‍♀️

I see it from a different view. Ok say the parents could see her from the cafe. It’s a public place, I assume there are potential abductors about. Blink and she is gone, a child seen to be unattended is.a target. The parents are actively advertising the child’s vulnerability, it’s not a passive act.

I'm not sure whether it would have been worth it to tell the police. There parents were watching her at all times for all you know. Sure they were sat in the cafe overlooking the playground but many parents sit on benches next to playgrounds. Is it much different? Do you know for sure that the child was not in their eyeline?

Absolutely, there's pirate ships and other large play items as well as tunnels and even a maze in the play park so there's no way they would be able see her all the time. Plus, it was well over an hour with 0 parental interaction. A quick reaction would not be possible from inside the cafe, and even the benches outlet the fence would be too far.

There were plenty benches inside the park, but they weren't using them. It's hard to explain without drawing a picture, but I think if you knew the set up you would agree it wasn't appropriate.

What if she'd soiled her nappy? What if she was cold/hungry/tired/scared/ thirsty and wanted her parents but couldn't communicate that with anyone? When I tried to speak to her she didn't seem to understand at all, how could she tell anyone she needed something?

These things keep going through my mind 😢

Stomping? I think that’s a good theory!

The parents looking early 20s is irrelevant. I had my son at 23 and wouldn't have done this in a million years.

Anything could have happened. A child can be snatched in seconds . Or wander out of the parents eyeline. Towards the road or towards water. I would have phoned 999.
Better have done that and then found the parents weren't far away than other scenarios

The parents were found before I knew she was alone...if that makes sense? If her parents were not in the cafe then she would officially be on her own and either myself or the other mum would have phoned the police I think. It was the discovering of the parents and their lackadaisical approach to parenting which made it slightly more grey for me at the time.

I think what is most troubling here is that the toddler was okay with being left. I have three DC two of which are toddlers. Even if they are happy playing away they like to check in with me routinely and share with me what they are up to. This poor child is clearly used to being left alone to entertain herself. Why is that mother having another when she can’t be bothered the child she already has.

I would call 111 at least to report a child on their own. I would then call the local children’s services to report your concern.

A child that young shouldn’t be on their own in a park, especially for that long.

A boy around 3/4 years old once ran past me on a busy road in the middle of the day. I scanned to look for parents/carers. I sped up (with my pram and small baby) but he was too fast. Another woman in a car stopped to see if he was mine and we tried to catch up with him. I rang 111 to report it and give a description so at least local police could check.

Sometimes it feels judgemental but safeguarding children is everyone’s job. Well done for checking on the child and perhaps report it to the local children’s social services anyway as it might be a known family. NSPCC has lots of useful safeguarding information.