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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think a toddler shouldn't be alone in a park?

249 replies

sleepfortheweek · 09/04/2024 17:07

I keep thinking about this and wondering what else I should have done.

We were visiting family at the weekend and my DDs (7&9) wanted to go to one of their favourite parks. The park is quite big, situated right by the river.

It was quite a stormy day, but dry. I noticed a young girl, I would say around 2.5yo, wandering around the park. I assumed she was with one of the many families that were there. She was interacting with quite a few different groups, so at first I didn't think too much of it other than thinking she must be cold. She was wearing a short sleeved cotton tshirt dress. No tights (or even a vest over her nappy) and no cardigan/jumper/jacket. I kept my eye on her as she was latching on to my DDs, while looking around to see if anyone was watching her.

After around 40-45 minutes, another mum came up to me and asked if she was with me. When I said no, she said she was concerned as hadn't seen anyone with her. We asked the little girl where her mum/dad was but she didn't really speak and just kept giggling and running off. We asked the other people in the park, no one had any idea though who she was. The other mum then around the benches outside of the park as asked any of them if that was their child. Still No. She then went into the cafe overlooking the park to ask in there.

She had found the parents - inside the cafe having a cup of coffee? Apparently they were very rude, saying they had their eye on her at all times and she was dressed more than appropriately (the other mum must have suggested she didn't have enough clothes on!).

The other concerned mum was obviously quite taken aback and left with her DC. Another 15/20mins went by, and I kept my eye on the little girl. The parents then came out and took her away.

There were about 4 exits to the park, with a very full fast river right beside it. There's no way they could see her if she was at the far end. The park was also very busy. So many things could have happened and every time I think of it I get this horrible feeling of guilt/anxiety/regret.

This is surely neglect? I keep thinking I should have said something? I'm really fearful of conflict and I'm feeling like I totally wimped out at the expense of that child's safety. The mum was heavily pregnant, and they must have been early 20s. The young girl had marks all down her face (although that's maybe from just being a toddler!) but didn't seem put up nor down by the presence of her parents.

What would you have done?

OP posts:
Kathryn1983 · 11/04/2024 22:11

Oh bless you and the poor little girl
similar happened to me
went to a cafe that's weirdly in a small airport
they have a small play area at the back but it's not enclosed and there are like random rusting planes near it and it was quite possibly the least safe climbing frame I've ever seen 🤦‍♀️
my daughter wanted to play
she played for nearly an hour with a girl
The child who said she was 3 but was articulate and was likely close to 4 had been there at least 30 min before that
no other kids or adults outside.
when we left I didn't feel comfortable leaving her so alerted the cafe to either locate the parents or call police

the parents were in the cafe but I'd say more focused on their laptop then the child

it was Baltic and windy

it was hard to know what to do

I was impressed with the child's ability to play alone tho!

Peaceandquietandacuppa · 11/04/2024 22:14

MarmiteChocolate · 09/04/2024 17:25

You should have phoned 999 to report a young child unaccompanied in a park with various risks (exits, danger etc) present. Police would have bluelighted to an unaccompanied child and been there in minutes, and would have located and spoken to the parents/carers, taken their details, and referred them onto their local social services who would then follow up.
The child or family may have been known to social care already or classed as vulnerable, and these incidences help build a clearer picture of what is actually going on in a child's life so that appropriate measures can be taken.
We ALL have a responsibility for safeguarding. So doing nothing and then airing it on mumsnet is really not OK, OP.

Yep this.

Sagittarius · 11/04/2024 22:36

thebestinterest · 11/04/2024 21:36

I would have done what any other strong, sensible adult would have down: rang the police.

yea, you are feeling the way you are feeling because you failed that child. I know she’s not your immediate responsibility, but we must look out for ALL children, not only those we are related to.

Ignore this OP, no need for this comment about you failing the child and trying to make you feel worse. As you say, there was plenty of other people in the park who didn't even notice this little girl. You and the other woman were vigilant enough to notice and do something about it by finding the parents. The parents sound utterly shit , and you've now reported to the police who can follow that up if they chose to. I think it's very easy for everyone on here to say they would have called the police in the situation , I for one don't believe that every single person who has said that will have done that.

RazzberryGem · 11/04/2024 22:48

InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 11/04/2024 21:10

OP I'm sure 95% or more of people would have reacted the same (or worse, i.e. done nothing) as you in this situation. It's easy for people to claim they would have done x when they weren't actually in this situation. You didn't realise what was happening (that the parents were neglecting the toddler) until the situation had been resolved and the parents found. This was a shock, as you were confused at the time wondering how this child had become lost from her parents, you were probably expecting to come across parents frantically looking for their lost child, because that is how you would have felt in that situation. It was a shock and took time for you to process the reality, that the toddler was neglected, and the police should have been called. You did the right thing, you kept an eye on the child, and together with the other conscientious mother, you found the parents. The vast majority of other families in the park didn't do this, they ignored the situation completely / assumed everything was fine. It was actually you who took steps to do something about it and resolve the situation so you should feel proud of that. I'm sure lots of people reading this will be more vigilant of lost children in the future and will be quicker to call the police so thank you for posting on MN too.

This

Flopsy145 · 11/04/2024 23:06

BrendaSmall · 11/04/2024 20:57

just because people have their phones in their hands, doesn’t mean they are scrolling on it, people take photos using phones too!

Show quote history

To clarify when I said "I wouldn't be on my phone" I meant sitting there staring at my phone texting or scrolling. Taking a photo is a bit different as I'm still obviously looking at my child when I do that

Howbizarre22 · 11/04/2024 23:12

Social services/police . This is serious neglect. Surely you can still report & this family be identified?

Original poster
sleepfortheweek · 11/04/2024 23:22

Howbizarre22 · 11/04/2024 23:12

Social services/police . This is serious neglect. Surely you can still report & this family be identified?

It has been reported

OP posts:
LadyofLaundry88 · 11/04/2024 23:30

sleepfortheweek · 09/04/2024 21:46

Absolutely, there's pirate ships and other large play items as well as tunnels and even a maze in the play park so there's no way they would be able see her all the time. Plus, it was well over an hour with 0 parental interaction. A quick reaction would not be possible from inside the cafe, and even the benches outlet the fence would be too far.

There were plenty benches inside the park, but they weren't using them. It's hard to explain without drawing a picture, but I think if you knew the set up you would agree it wasn't appropriate.

What if she'd soiled her nappy? What if she was cold/hungry/tired/scared/ thirsty and wanted her parents but couldn't communicate that with anyone? When I tried to speak to her she didn't seem to understand at all, how could she tell anyone she needed something?

These things keep going through my mind 😢

Show quote history

Oh my goodness, is this the park in Lichfield, Staffs? If so that’s appallingly neglectful! It sounds neglectful anyway but there’s no way in a million years I’d leave a child in there unattended! 😱

Original poster
sleepfortheweek · 11/04/2024 23:37

@LadyofLaundry88 no, that's not the park (different area entirely!)

OP posts:
Mrsgus · 11/04/2024 23:37

I would have phoned the police, poor little thing 🤬

Nazzywish · 11/04/2024 23:48

OP I can see you've logged it with police but go back to the cafe and ask for the staff who were working that day if they remember the incident and if the parents are regular visitors. They'd be able to identify them or at least know if they come regularly and be able to notify someone next time they come in or get details somehow.

Dreamingofthishouse · 11/04/2024 23:51

Difficult situation and I understand completely what you mean about the grey area of not exactly knowing what to do/ timeframes etc. things arnt always as black and white as people make them sound . Sounds like you have done the right thing, you have now gone with your gut and reported it. It is a safeguarding issue so the police should absolutely investigate ( in theory but In practice will they I don’t know) might be hard to ascertain who the child belonged to if no cctv. I hope you feel more settled now you have reported it, you’ve done the best thing you could have done now and don’t beat yourself up on hindsight as we can all look back at situations and think I should have down this that etc but you’ve reported it now and hope police do investigate. If it was a local park I’d personally prob go again same time/ day and see if I spot the child alone again then absolutely ring the police / SS on the spot and link to previous concern.

Howbizarre22 · 11/04/2024 23:55

You’ve done the right thing reporting it. This is exactly the child that trafficking & paedo gangs prey on…ones with half absent parents who make it a whole lot easier for them to take the child. It literally takes seconds. It’s terrifying to think about.

Young children also have a knack for taking a few seconds to cause chaos- pulling furniture over suddenly, running round a corner out of sight, darting into the road from the pavement, getting fingers stuck in something and in this case it could be- fell into river! Parents have to have eyes in the back of their heads! There was a story very recently in the news of a child of 2 or 3 being miles from their house- they’d just walked out & off in minutes. The parents at the park are extremely negligent and their attitude is horrendous

AmericanUgly · 11/04/2024 23:57

Ah OP - it's so easy for people to sit on their computers and say confidently what they'd have done. I suspect most people would have done the same as you or less. People really DON'T get involved, as a general rule.

Years ago I was in an inner-city takeaway late at night. A really scruffy couple came in with a young child of about 5/6. It was about 11pm and the parents were both messy drunk. They ordered food but were lurching all over the waiting area, and repeatedly screeching the little girl's name in a v. drunk way. The girl was grubby and a bit wild (climbing over chairs etc), as well as presumably being very tired. Probably just a chaotic family and probably nothing anyone would have done but I still wish I'd called the police or someone and it was about 20 years ago.

WalkingaroundJardine · 12/04/2024 07:54

I remember on my early morning walk once noticing a very young child in pyjamas walking stridently by herself, teddy bear tucked in arm. There were already concerned people shadowing her and a police car soon pulled up.
What struck me was the lack of fear and distress in her expression. She was obviously lost but certainly didn’t feel it. It made me scared for her and I was glad the community had already got into action.

theonlygirl · 12/04/2024 08:32

Nightone · 11/04/2024 21:29

1 metre? Really?

I absolutely stood further than a metre for my kids. I don't think it's just me?!

Show quote history

I think you get the point I was trying to make, but if that's what you want to pick up on, happy days.
Also, if you were content to sit inside a cafe having a coffee and a chat one metre away and let a 2.5 year old wander around by themselves outside the cafe then good for you. Not something I would ever have done.

Grammarnut · 12/04/2024 09:11

You could have called the police. The parents had left their child within distance of a river and anyone could have taken her away - she was going to different groups of people all the time. She could also have fallen into water and it takes seconds to drown. That's child neglect or at least a lack of imagination and the parents need help and support and monitoring, too.

Heidi75 · 12/04/2024 10:13

waterrat · 09/04/2024 17:21

For arguments sake...tired pregnant mum having coffee and could watch high energy toddler from inside cafe?? Child clearly wasnt feeling uncomfortably cold (i notice children often much warmer than adults fear as they move constantly)

Not sure what point of this is though it may have rung alarm bells but her parents hadnt actually abandoned her so police would really not be interested

Dad isn't pregnant he could have been outside with her? Sorry but it's clearly neglectful and those parents are bloody lucky something didn't happen to her, You don't leave a 2.5 year old alone outside!

Longma · 12/04/2024 12:32

thebestinterest · 11/04/2024 21:36

I would have done what any other strong, sensible adult would have down: rang the police.

yea, you are feeling the way you are feeling because you failed that child. I know she’s not your immediate responsibility, but we must look out for ALL children, not only those we are related to.

Yet the park was full of many other grown adults and none of them called. So no, not everyone would have simply dialled 999 at the first sight. Clearly.

Op - ignore. You were there. As you say, it wasn't clear cut as to whether the child was alone or not. And by the time it become apparent she definitely was alone, it was a few minutes before the parents were located.

You did not fail the child. No harm came to that child at the park.

ZoeCM · 12/04/2024 14:26

This is why I always roll my eyes when people say, "But Madeleine McCann must have been abducted, she can't have wandered off and been swept out to sea, a passerby would have intervened before she even reached the beach." No, no they wouldn't. They would have ignored her, assured themselves that everyone else was ignoring her as well (the bystander effect in action) - and then, when news of her disappearance hit the news, would have been too embarrassed to tell the police that they'd looked the other way when they saw a three-year-old girl wandering around at night alone.

Mummyof2Girls2023 · 12/04/2024 16:56

Stop making excuses for rubbish parenting! I don't care how tired mum is (and dad?!) You watch your child, or stay home?! Not ok.

Sennelier1 · 12/04/2024 18:38

I don't understand (grand)parents being so easygoing with their little ones' security. Recently I was in a shop of arts materials with my 6 year old grandson. I let him browse the colouring books and nice pencils etc. At a certain moment we lost sight of each other. He called out for me and I could hear he was worried. Of course I went straight to him and I saw the relief in his face. A child needs to know you are there and always will be there if and when they need you! Not having to look for you in the caffe!

Vasf23 · 12/04/2024 19:06

sleepfortheweek · 09/04/2024 17:07

I keep thinking about this and wondering what else I should have done.

We were visiting family at the weekend and my DDs (7&9) wanted to go to one of their favourite parks. The park is quite big, situated right by the river.

It was quite a stormy day, but dry. I noticed a young girl, I would say around 2.5yo, wandering around the park. I assumed she was with one of the many families that were there. She was interacting with quite a few different groups, so at first I didn't think too much of it other than thinking she must be cold. She was wearing a short sleeved cotton tshirt dress. No tights (or even a vest over her nappy) and no cardigan/jumper/jacket. I kept my eye on her as she was latching on to my DDs, while looking around to see if anyone was watching her.

After around 40-45 minutes, another mum came up to me and asked if she was with me. When I said no, she said she was concerned as hadn't seen anyone with her. We asked the little girl where her mum/dad was but she didn't really speak and just kept giggling and running off. We asked the other people in the park, no one had any idea though who she was. The other mum then around the benches outside of the park as asked any of them if that was their child. Still No. She then went into the cafe overlooking the park to ask in there.

She had found the parents - inside the cafe having a cup of coffee? Apparently they were very rude, saying they had their eye on her at all times and she was dressed more than appropriately (the other mum must have suggested she didn't have enough clothes on!).

The other concerned mum was obviously quite taken aback and left with her DC. Another 15/20mins went by, and I kept my eye on the little girl. The parents then came out and took her away.

There were about 4 exits to the park, with a very full fast river right beside it. There's no way they could see her if she was at the far end. The park was also very busy. So many things could have happened and every time I think of it I get this horrible feeling of guilt/anxiety/regret.

This is surely neglect? I keep thinking I should have said something? I'm really fearful of conflict and I'm feeling like I totally wimped out at the expense of that child's safety. The mum was heavily pregnant, and they must have been early 20s. The young girl had marks all down her face (although that's maybe from just being a toddler!) but didn't seem put up nor down by the presence of her parents.

What would you have done?

I think I would also ring the police, even if she didnt leave the park or get in any danger herself, id be worrying that she may get abducted 😭

catonmyback · 12/04/2024 19:20

That’s incredibly sad

whilst no harm came to her on this occasion, it’s highly unusual. Most people do not allow their toddler out of their grip, let alone sight

possibly a sign if neglect

rb124 · 12/04/2024 19:29

As someone working in Law Enforcement, I can assure you that, had the OP reported this as an unattended child, Police would have been there very quickly indeed. The Parents would, as a minimum, been given "words of advice". Not being appropriately dressed for the weather conditions would have had a MERLIN PAC put on, which Social Services can read. It used to be called "child coming to notice".
I had the misfortune a few months ago of attending a fatal RTC involving a child who, apparently, was allowed to wander about as it liked despite living next to a "fast" dual carriageway - it's routine for Police to report this to a MASH, which includes Social Services. The parents were under investigation for negligence.

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