To think people shouldn’t have new babies when there’s so many unresolved issues with older kids

[YaMuvva]

Yes it’s very judgy but I actually despair at rate of which some people are having new children when they already have problems with their other children.

I say this because there is a girl in DD’s class (year 6, this girl is 10) that is an absolute nightmare. DD only started her new school in September because we relocated and several other girls warned her about this child. Nevertheless, DD is naive/too nice and befriended her to her detriment. I had to get VERY arsey with the school before they actually did something about the fact this girl was calling DD nasty names every day (ugly, fat etc - DD is actually skinny and this girl is overweight), making fun of the fact DD has learning support, shoving past her hard (she’s much bigger than my DD) but never hurting her badly or obviously enough to raise suspicion from teachers she always does an ‘oops didn’t see you there’ thing, and teaching DD very inappropriate things (for example she taught DD a ‘blow job’ gesture 😡). If DD didn’t one day behave however this 10yo liked - such as didn’t play with her that day - the 10yo, who has a TikTok account, would make TikTok’s about her even naming her (I actually pulled her aside in the playground and told her to stop). I know because I found her and follow her!

I didn’t like to ban DD from being friends with anyone as I think it’s important that they navigate friendships themselves but because my DD is gullible this girl would make her feel like shit for 4 days then be sweetness and light on day 5 and DD would say “Oh no she’s apologised and she is sorry for what she did.” I just thought the situation was too toxic. So I have said to DD that she isn’t to go anywhere near this girl and if I found out she did she’d be punished. The mums of other girls experiencing the exact same with their DDs and this child have said the same to their girls. This 10yo has been the same since infants apparently And has a long rap sheet of bullying, inappropriate behaviour and nastiness.

Anyway this 10yo has an interesting family tree. Her parents (who are fully aware of what she is like because I’ve told them, as have others, as have the teachers) were married and had her and her older sibling. They then split up, the mum met a new man and had a baby who is now 3. She then split with him, had a new baby with an even newer man, this baby is 6 months old. The dad remarried and had another child who is now 6, they divorced and him and his new wife, wife no 3, have just had a baby a few days ago, the dad was showing the baby off in the playground at pick up.

I suppose I’m angry because she shoved past my DD again today in the corridor and hurt her shoulder and I’m fucking sick of all this never ending. I’m here fretting my backside off about my my DD getting picked on and her bully’s parents are just in the business of churning out more and more kids. Surely a half decent parent whose existing children have serious problems would prioritise that rather than just constantly changing partners and popping out more?

DH’s sister did the same but on a different level. She split up with her DH (whom she had 2 kids with) and immediately started dating a colleague. She was pregnant within three months of them dating, they weren’t using protection because it’s a ‘mood killer’. Her existing teen and pre-teen were really hit hard by their parents split and within 4 months they were meeting a new partner and preparing to welcome a half-sibling. My niece, who was a pre-teen when this all happened, is very close to us now as a young adult and the anger she feels at her mum moving on and having family no 2 in less than a year of her splitting with her dad has just about broken her, and they barely have a relationship. She feels her mum never considered her or her sister in her plans post-split and I’d have to agree with her.

AIBU to think people should get their houses in order before they bring new people into their kids lives - partners AND babies? I feel that particularly with DD’s bully it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that a lot of her issues will stem from so many changes and inconsistencies in her life, and it’s people like my DD and the other girls in year 6 paying the price for that.

This- I would hit the roof if someone did this to my child. It needs to be taken up with the school/parents not the child! Unbelievable! It's actually in the behaviour "Parent/Carer Code of Conduct" at our school that parents aren't to approach other people's children to chastise them, this can be seen as assault against a child and have legal consequences.

Yes who is the bully here?

I thought that poster was joking.

Surely?!

Well to start with you clearly mind everyone’s business . You don’t know if that kids had underlying issues as not being neurotypical . You worry about what effect it creates for your child but you did not do anything regarding the sexual stuff she knew about ?
Sorry but your post comes across as very self centred .
That bully is outwardly crying for help , want to be a good person , get on the phone with school and SS

would hit the roof if someone did this to my child.

And this, ladies and gentlemen is why kids get away with bullying. Parents thinking their little Prince or Princess can call other kids fat ugly and r*tard but NO ONE must EVER speak to them about it.

Wouldnt you ‘hit the roof’ to find out your child was a bully?

The child

What would you do?

Firstly, yes I agree that this child’s home life sounds awful and as though her parents do not prioritise her

Secondly, you sound like a terrible person. This is a 10 year old girl who, as you pointed out, has 2 parents who are bringing new partners and siblings left right and centre into her life. She is 10. 10 year olds are not bad people. She is acting out because her home life is so chaotic. And you are bullying her by going to ofsted, pushing the school to remove her, threatening your daughter not to go near her?! Why don’t you push the school to help her with her obvious emotional difficulties? Shame on you!

Sadly OP shit parents like to have lots of kids, preferably one with each new partner. It’s crazy.

I couldn’t give a fuck if they aren’t NT, they have been making my child’s life hell. Frankly that’s not my problem.

im fed up of this tripe - some people are just dicks you know

And knowing what siblings a child has is hardly poking a nose into someone’s business.

Why do you think I didn’t do anything regarding the sexual stuff? Seriously are you just not reading posts properly.

Sorry but your post comes across as very self centred

What on earth do you think I’m getting out of any of this?! I centre my DD.

That bully is outwardly crying for help , want to be a good person , get on the phone with school and SS

Are you mad? I’ve told the school but I’m not going to advocate for this bully and insist they make her life better. Not my circus not my monkeys. The school can contact SS. I’m only interested in her leaving my DD alone

Absolutely. I would want to know and I would come down hard. I have a child that’s been bullied, I get it. We ended up moving schools because of it. “Coming down hard is for the parents and the school to do though and not another parent. I stand by that.

See I disagree and I think professing that no child is bad is dangerous. You do get horrible 10yo’s. Of course you do. It’s rarely (or never) their fault but frankly, why she’s a bad person is not my problem.

Why don’t you push the school to help her with her obvious emotional difficulties?

Because at this stage I don’t give a fuck. I just want her to stop bullying my l girl. I only have so much in the tank to give and it 100% goes to my DC. I have no desire of Will to pour energy that is needed elsewhere into kids I don’t give a fuck about. I can’t solve everyone’s problems especially when the people closest to them aren’t interested.

I really hope you don’t have kids. Seriously. Saying that taking affirmative action against my DD’s bully - the one who makes her feel like shit, makes her cry, calls her fat, ugly and a r*tard, physically pushes her about then gaslights her into thinking they’re friend - is ‘bullying the child’ is fucking nuts. Parents like you are dangerous. And are normally the ones who end up letting their kids down because they never prioritise them.

I mean is that what you’d really do if you have a child who was getting bullied? Sit back and prioritise the feelings of the bully? Put your own DC’s needs second? If so shame on you.

See I don’t believe you. Parents of bullies always say they will go nuts at them if they bullied anyone, but they never do.

The thought of someone challenging your DC for making a bullying TikTok video is what you first mentioned would make you ‘hit the roof’ - that says it all. If my DC did that I’d 100% tell them they deserved to be called out on it, cyber bullying is not OK and they’re lucky the consequences were only being ticked off by a parent. I’d then apologise profusely to the parent and child and make them do the same. Not ‘hit the roof’ because and adult dared challenge my precious bully

yes, they should try getting a second hand one instead of another new one.

Wrong thread? Or are you advocating getting babies on Vinted 😆

I do have kids and I’m mature enough to understand that a 10 year old girl who is acting that way is doing so as a response to her home life. Of course I would prioritise my daughter in this situation and I’m not suggesting you prioritise this other girl over your own child - I’m suggesting that you stop making this emotionally troubled girls life worse than it already is. They are not mutually exclusive things. I’m suggesting you be an adult, a mother with empathy, a human being with a heart. You can protect your daughter from bullying without in turn bullying the child yourself. Don’t you see that it makes you worse? She is 10, her brain isn’t even developed properly. You’re a grown adult with children of your own. You understand life, you understand rights and wrongs. And what exactly are you teaching your daughter? I would always be empathetic and protective to any child, as I would hope another mother would be to mine. But clearly you are not that kind of person so everybody’s words are wasted you.

If your child was bullying mine I’d not really care if you hit the roof. Assault? I’m not surprised at how some children act when there are parents like you.

Id be more likely to seek out the parent though. Especially if school were being useless.

Absolutely batshit crazy comment. Would you have us believe that if this was happening to your daughter that your first course of action would be to approach school to help the bully with her emotional problems? Because if that’s what you’re saying, I call bullshit. If this piece of work (and no, I don’t care that she’s only 10) did this to my daughter, I would be fighting my daughters corner, and be pushing for the bully to be removed from the school. The girl is obviously very screwed up and needs help, but that’s for the school and her own parents to sort, not the OPs.

I’m suggesting that you stop making this emotionally troubled girls life worse than it already is

JFC.

Im making it worse by stopping her being a bully? Because that’s literally all I’m doing.
Are you suggesting that a ‘better’ life for her is to continue to be a bully? Cos I ain’t enabling that ‘better’ life at the expense of my DD.

If anything I’m doing her a favour. It’s better she learns now that if you treat people like shit they will ditch you.

You can protect your daughter from bullying without in turn bullying the child yourself

When have I bullied a child? When I asked her to remove her TikTok post that has my DD’s full name on it and identifies the school she’s at? There are safeguarding reasons I need this information to stay off the internet. You’re actually suggesting that I should put her feelings about a seriously shitty thing she did, that she SHOULD feel bad about, above the safety of my DD? Unbelievable

I desperately hope if you do have kids that they are never bullied. I’m actually worried for them how passive you’d be about it.

And what exactly are you teaching your daughter? I would always be empathetic and protective to any child, as I would hope another mother would be to mine.

I’m teaching my DD that I’m on her side and I’ll protect her from bullying at all costs.

Im not being empathetic to people who call my DD a r*tard and if my DC did anything like this, the last thing I’d expect of the victim’s parents is empathy.

But clearly you are not that kind of person so everybody’s words are wasted you.

A spineless twat? No, I’m not. Thank god

Actually thinking about your comments I’m more inclined to think you’re the type to raise bullies. Always making excuses and never accepting that it’s wholly wrong and inexcusable and that it’s acceptable for a victim and their parents to be angry about it.

You’re absolutely right. I think from this thread, it’s pretty clear where and by whom these bullies are being raised. If my dd was accused and found to be a bully I would be mortified and deal with it, not think that my dd should be given empathy and justification as what’s been suggested by some posters on here. But as they say, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree…..

YANBU. There's way too many selfish parents out there having however many kids with who ever and not caring about their existent kids, it's no wonder they have issues and turn into assholes. I also agree with you on the bullying, the school need to sort their shit out with it because their scummy parents don't give a shit about their kids behaviour. They have their new babies to focus on afterall. Good for you on the tiktok front too, when we were kids a parent telling you off would have been enough to stop your shitty behaviour but sadly thats not the case. I also agree with your threat to your daughter, its not nice, no but if my last resort was allow my innocent and naive daughter to continue being bullied because she's too kind to avoid this girl or tell her SHE will be punished if she doesn't stay away from her then I too would go for the latter.

Hope it all gets resolved and your daughter enjoys her last term at school.

It's actually in the behaviour "Parent/Carer Code of Conduct" at our school that parents aren't to approach other people's children to chastise them

Im sure it’s probably in ours too but frankly when schools aren’t doing enough about bullying they leave little choice for parents but to deal with it themselves. Frankly I’ve rarely heard a story where bullying stopped purely through the intervention of the teachers.

These “Justice For Bullies” pearl clutchers would be horrified with how bullying used to be dealt with. In year 7 I was picked on relentlessly by a group of 4 boys. Nasty comments daily about my appearance (which is was super self conscious about), tripping me up, pouring drinks into my backpack, stealing my food, pinging my bra strap etc. my mum went to the school who did the same useless shite schools always do of ‘chats’ and detentions - but it made it 100x worse for me because I’d ‘grassed’.

One day it was my weekend with my dad and we were in Woolworths. I’d been telling him about what had been happening and he was obviously furious. We then actually saw the 4 boys! I told Dad who they were, and he told me to wait where I was. He waited until they went down an aisle and marched off towards them - dad was 6’5”, built like a brick shit house and although he was a massive softie he had a big booming voice that he could turn scary when he wanted to.

I have no idea what he said to those boys and in fact he went to his grave with this 1 even in adulthood he wouldn’t tell me. but those 4 boys left the aisle with their heads down and bright red faces, scuttled past me and from that day right up until the end of year 13 they put their heads down when they saw me in the corridor and never once bothered me again.

I’ll never ever forget how happy I was that my dad did that because the nightmare ended instantly. I didnt give a fuck if the bullies had hellish home lives, all I felt at the time was the they were making MY life hell and I wanted it to stop. If he prattled on about empathy and how he was going to call the school and make sure these boys started having a better life I’d have thought he’d have lost it and that didn’t he give a shit about me. Children should feel safe in school and it’s a shame that schools are so incompetent that it takes parental intervention before bully victims are safe from their tormentors.

I agree.

These “aren’t I soooo empathetic and considerate” types never seem to have empathy to the people who matter.

Given that almost every bully I’ve encountered has a deluded parent riddled with excuses and “don’t you dare speak to my child” attitude, I’d say this is the archetype of someone who raises a bully.

This? What the fuck, OP?

I’ll ask you then, because the people who’ve challenged this haven’t answered - what would you have done?

You speaking to the child directly was inappropriate. The bullying is happening at school, the school should be your first approach, the parents thereafter.

Your point around parents just having new babies with each and every relationship is a valid one, however.