To think people shouldn’t have new babies when there’s so many unresolved issues with older kids

[YaMuvva]

Yes it’s very judgy but I actually despair at rate of which some people are having new children when they already have problems with their other children.

I say this because there is a girl in DD’s class (year 6, this girl is 10) that is an absolute nightmare. DD only started her new school in September because we relocated and several other girls warned her about this child. Nevertheless, DD is naive/too nice and befriended her to her detriment. I had to get VERY arsey with the school before they actually did something about the fact this girl was calling DD nasty names every day (ugly, fat etc - DD is actually skinny and this girl is overweight), making fun of the fact DD has learning support, shoving past her hard (she’s much bigger than my DD) but never hurting her badly or obviously enough to raise suspicion from teachers she always does an ‘oops didn’t see you there’ thing, and teaching DD very inappropriate things (for example she taught DD a ‘blow job’ gesture 😡). If DD didn’t one day behave however this 10yo liked - such as didn’t play with her that day - the 10yo, who has a TikTok account, would make TikTok’s about her even naming her (I actually pulled her aside in the playground and told her to stop). I know because I found her and follow her!

I didn’t like to ban DD from being friends with anyone as I think it’s important that they navigate friendships themselves but because my DD is gullible this girl would make her feel like shit for 4 days then be sweetness and light on day 5 and DD would say “Oh no she’s apologised and she is sorry for what she did.” I just thought the situation was too toxic. So I have said to DD that she isn’t to go anywhere near this girl and if I found out she did she’d be punished. The mums of other girls experiencing the exact same with their DDs and this child have said the same to their girls. This 10yo has been the same since infants apparently And has a long rap sheet of bullying, inappropriate behaviour and nastiness.

Anyway this 10yo has an interesting family tree. Her parents (who are fully aware of what she is like because I’ve told them, as have others, as have the teachers) were married and had her and her older sibling. They then split up, the mum met a new man and had a baby who is now 3. She then split with him, had a new baby with an even newer man, this baby is 6 months old. The dad remarried and had another child who is now 6, they divorced and him and his new wife, wife no 3, have just had a baby a few days ago, the dad was showing the baby off in the playground at pick up.

I suppose I’m angry because she shoved past my DD again today in the corridor and hurt her shoulder and I’m fucking sick of all this never ending. I’m here fretting my backside off about my my DD getting picked on and her bully’s parents are just in the business of churning out more and more kids. Surely a half decent parent whose existing children have serious problems would prioritise that rather than just constantly changing partners and popping out more?

DH’s sister did the same but on a different level. She split up with her DH (whom she had 2 kids with) and immediately started dating a colleague. She was pregnant within three months of them dating, they weren’t using protection because it’s a ‘mood killer’. Her existing teen and pre-teen were really hit hard by their parents split and within 4 months they were meeting a new partner and preparing to welcome a half-sibling. My niece, who was a pre-teen when this all happened, is very close to us now as a young adult and the anger she feels at her mum moving on and having family no 2 in less than a year of her splitting with her dad has just about broken her, and they barely have a relationship. She feels her mum never considered her or her sister in her plans post-split and I’d have to agree with her.

AIBU to think people should get their houses in order before they bring new people into their kids lives - partners AND babies? I feel that particularly with DD’s bully it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out that a lot of her issues will stem from so many changes and inconsistencies in her life, and it’s people like my DD and the other girls in year 6 paying the price for that.

I hope the school manages to get this issue sorted out for your daughter.

Now back to you: You are a nasty piece of work!

No matter what you think of your DDs 'friend', you have no right to brazenly bring her family tree into it. For all you know , the rest of the family may be okay and it may just be this kid.

I know a family with a similar set up and both of their children are lovely and would never dream of bullying someone else.

Also, it sounds like you are blaming the child for their parents' life choices..how exactly does that work?!

It's got naff all to do with you who people choose to have sex with..

Edit: My child is going through a similar thing. Rather than slagging off the parents' whole family, I went around to the house to confront! A lot more productive than starting an unproductive thread!

Absolutely I did.

She made a TikTok video where she was miming to Meredith Brooke’s “I’m a bitch” and the words on screen “Name someone who should sing this” then underneath that “My answer: <DD’s full name>

I do not have my DC names, images or any details that they even exist on any SM channels for very good reasons, they don’t even have permission for school to use their photos anywhere. So yes I had absolutely no issue stopping her to tell her to stop making TikTok videos about people and grow up.

I reported her account for being underage - it’s still up!

So I should just sit and allow my DD to be bullied should I?

Poor DD
bullied at school
bullied at home

so your solution is to threaten your own daughter with a punishment? unbelievable

Except she is basically taking out her chaotic lifestyle on my DD. I know kids can’t pick their families but I always find bullies are from the families that are the chaotic ones who clearly don’t prioritise them

You are going to get flamed but you are also right. In some instances, there is a correlation between having a large number of siblings and academic underachievement.

Meh I can take that - and yes I will judge when people make bad choices and their kids are adversely affected, and there is a knock-on effect.

Im sure many families are very happy but those who think that constantly knocking out new babies has no consequences on older children are deluded.

It's ridiculous to suggest that there's no correlation between people's family situation and children's behaviour.

Not always but very often!

No one takes responsibility for anything and then people like OP aren't allowed to call it out...

What do you think about the actual bully?

Give over with ‘bullied at home’ nonsense. I did what I had to do to make sure DD stayed well away from her.

Yes. I’ve told her she needs to be serious about staying away from the toxic ‘friendship’ with a girl who bullies her. Not sorry.

And it has worked. Her and her friends have iced this girl out and are happier for it.

I think I’ve probably hit a nerve with you.

Are you very bored or always this judgmental. Keep your beak out of other people's business.

Was your post meant to be in its own thread @LaVieestBelleNestCePas

I’m bored of DD being bullied.
And yes I am judgmental of people who have too many kids with new partners with no thought for their older kids.
We are ALL judgmental of something.

I would never approach a child but i work in a primary for what it's worth and there are a lot of kids similar to the "bully".
Can't fault you for anything else you've done though.

A childs home life absolutely has a bearing on their behaviour. A parent should put existing children first before adding more but unfortunately many don’t. A lot of people on here act horrified if you say anything negative about a child, a few of them have appeared on this post.

I agree with you wholeheartedly but it seems to be a bitter pill for many to swallow.
The automatic solution for many people seems to be to leave their current partner and start again with a new one (multiple times in some cases) and to hell with the existing children.
I know one family with four different surnames on the go at the moment, the kids don't seem to be getting along (step children involved) but mum is ridiculously happy with her new squeeze and is expecting baby number 4 with dad number 3.....
I will be extremely surprised if any of the kids talk to her as adults.

Don’t blame you and don’t see why you’re getting a hard time. If your DD is being bullied and is vulnerable so doesn’t understand what’s happening to her then of course you need to intervene. I think you’ve probably hit a nerve for some.

Unpopular opinion.
But I do agree that priority should be providing existing children with a safe and stable environment, before having more children.

I don't think all blended families are damaging, or parents who have children from multiple partners are feckless. A lot of people find themselves in situations that they didn't plan (abuse, infidelity, unplanned life events).

However, regardless of the situation, parents have a responsibility to all their children. The new baby with the current partner shouldn't take priority over pre-existing children. And the level of disruption descripted in the OP does seem too much for a 10year old to cope with.

I actually agree with you OP. Your post is full
of emotion which is what most are reacting badly too but I don’t really blame you for being emotional about it. People should put their kids over their new love lives and having more children but sadly, many don’t.

My child is going through a similar thing. Rather than slagging off the parents' whole family, I went around to the house to confront! A lot more productive than starting an unproductive thread!

I thought if that but I don’t actually know where either of them live. I’ve spoken to them both in the playground they’re very “Well I will have to see what Bully says happened” and then the next time I see them they either ignore me or when I ask them say they “haven’t got round to speaking to her yet” or “she has told us that didn’t happen” 😡

ladykale I disagree, in the main.

Because of my family set up, growing up, and because of how I looked (both nothing I had any choice about), it was always assumed that I would have a poor outcome in life.

I was a walking stereotype for closed minded people.

I would have been a 100 pc behind OP had she not brought the whole family into it. Even if she did have a point..A CHILD DOES NOT CHOOSE THE FAMILY THEY ARE BORN INTO!!

Please don't pull this other girl to one side in the school playground. I get you are frustrated but school is supposed to be a safe place for children even this rogue girl. There are other means than telling other children off in the school playground. If this other girl is filming tiktoks is she doing it on school grounds? I'd mention it to school regardless as schools generally educate on this so maybe they'd do a reminder with your daughter's year group. They should take online bullying seriously.

Unfortunately you'll find there are families that don't see that their precious moppets as troublesome and actually don't care. There is a child in my DDs class that knocks my daughter's food onto the floor at lunchtimes on purpose. This child also tries to take my 3 years olds snack physically out of his mouth at pick up. Mum just says "awww she's cute, she does this with her little brother too". I am just like WTF get your child to stop touching mine.

Yeah society has to deal with the decisions people make which lead to unstable families and risks to kids. I don’t disagree with you OP. People just don’t always prioritise their existing children like they should.