To throw DD's things in the bin!

[ooerrrr]

Am beyond exasperated with DD (16) - her room is a shit hole and I mean a TOTAL shit hole.

Filthy clothes everywhere, on floor, under bed, stuffed back in with clean clothes. Blood stained knickers!

Food and wrappers everywhere, drinking glasses - 2 of which were smashed.
Make up literally everywhere, tops of it all, marked all over bedding

She is doing her GCSES this month and there is no possible way she can revise in that mess. School work tossed everywhere, random sheets of work crumpled and torn.

In top of it all she constantly takes my things - have found 2 pairs of my trainers with laces missing (she uses them as belts 😡) perfume under bed, used up and missing its lid, my make up ruined.

I asked, pleaded, threatened, too many times and I lost the plot this afternoon. When I went in there to get something I stood in some broken glass. I retrieved everything that was mine andthen proceeded to get a load of bin bags and throw everything that was broken, dirty, clearly not given a shit about in bin bags.
There are 5 full bags which are waiting to be put out for rubbish.

She is a Shein addict so buys more and more stuff but never looks after things.

I am not particularly house proud but I have to draw the line somewhere.

Waiting for shit to hit the fan when she gets back from work....

how is she buying shein?! set up a parental lock to get on top of that immediately, she should not be buying stuff from there, its a one way ticket to hoarding. and yes you should throw her stuff out.

Can't believe how pathetic everyone is being about this. Of course you can throw her shit out, it's your house and she's a health hazard. It's probably full of cockroaches and mousepoo by now.
But you have to accept you're at fault here too if you haven't trained her by now. You don't start by asking or begging. You start several years ago by telling and showing them how.

I hate to say it but this was me when I was your DD’s age. I’d have appreciated it if my Mum tidied it for me which she didn’t (and rightly so as was my mess). However I wouldn’t have liked to have her throw my things out or shout at/shame me, especially with such an important few months. Tread carefully I think.

I’m not like it now, I just remember thinking there was more important things to do than tidy and clean.

Teenagers are disgusting. Ive lived this lol.

You have your own line, when its crossed you need to deliver consequences instead of moaning for weeks then just blowing up and not actually following through with binning her stuff.

If you threaten to bin her stuff, you need to bin her stuff but it should be a last resort.

With my daughter, we LITERALLY took her bedroom away and made her live in the spare room (last resort) and that still didnt work. Reward charts, incentives, punishments, nothing worked until I actually binned her stuff (she didnt believe I would after threatning a few times until I really got to the end of my tether when I found dirty underwear thown in cupboards, plates and dishes with food on hidden in drawers, the list goes on.

Messy rooms are ok but broken glass and mouldy food? No wifi, no running her around, deffo no money.

If after all this shes still skanky tell her she has a week to sort it or you're binning it all and this time, bin it.

Good luck.

And anyone that has a perfect teenager? You are in the MASSIVE minority lol.

PP didn’t say autistic. She said neurodivergent. ☺️. I have 2 DS’s with ADHD and it definitely has some bearing on the state of their rooms (like crack dens). Not so bad for the 24 year old as his girlfriend practically lives with us and helps him with it. The 16 year old lets his get into a terrible state. I help him sort it every couple of weeks and he does try to keep it tidy but not very successfuly.

My mum used to pull that old trick too, and I’m certainly not traumatised. My room was a shithole and I was a stroppy teen, no wonder she was pissed off. I also had a job and passed all of my exams despite being at war with my mum over what I see now as me being an inconsiderate teen. And I am close with my mum now. Don't over think it, do what you think is best your the mum and it’s your house.

She shouldn't be a disgusting mare then should she ! Blood stained knickers is just pure FILTH .
OP get a lock on your door so she can't touch your stuff and warn her you will go in monthly and chuck the lot if she doesn't start keeping her room clean

Read all the OP's posts have you?

This wasn't 'rampaging in' this was the last straw

Have you read the daughter's reaction?

It wasn't her makeup...

Wow that's quite an overreaction at a time she definitely doesn't need you going off on one. Her room, her choice but have you ever thought she may be overwhelmed and needs you to help rather than judge and criticise?

You've got a lot of apologising to do, that's an almighty breach of trust and privacy. She's got every right to be furious and hurt.

Ignore the negative posts. Mine was a perfect toddler/child - get clothes out for the next day, rubbish in bin, dirty clothes in laundry. Age 12/13 it all went to pot. Have been focusing on important stuff like brushing teeth and making sure bathroom is as it was before use (toilet flushed, clothes off floor, towels back on rack, bath emptied) and getting there. Have had grandparents pay "surprise visits" after school whilst I'm still at work to clear out bedroom. Teen has not liked this but is pleased with the result after. Any disgusting plates I find, she needs to clean. Bits at a time e.g. let's put books back in bookshelf today. Also explain that whilst we need to set aside time at the weekend to do this; we cannot do other things like cinema. I think gradually progress is being made. Also mine is having things put in place at school for possible ADHD. I still need to get her on waiting list for assessment. Just try focusing on small chunks e.g. plates/cups first. Visual reminders (signs) on bedroom door reminding "no food in bedroom" and check for this daily. Once this sorted, move onto the next chunk. As for my own things, this has caused problems. I sent an article about dyslexia (me) and the importance of not touching/moving a dyslexics stuff. Else you might need to lock things away/keep in the car.

I just wanted to say I hear you - we have very similar with our slightly younger daughter. It’s very very difficult to deal with. Living day in and day out with it makes it impossible to react in the ‘ideal way’ and to ‘talk things through’. I don’t have the answer I just wanted to say you aren’t alone!

My 16 year old DS has ADHD. His room
is regularly like a crack den!! Every so often I go in and clear and clean his room. He’s been trying very hard to keep it clean but once it gets past a certain point he gets very overwhelmed and doesn’t know where to start.The struggle is very real. I think your point about checking daily is a good one and one I will adopt. 😀

I would put a lock on my bedroom door so she cannot get my possessions and shut hers. Let her live in that filth. Don’t do her washing or anything.
When she asks for anything -
the answer is no. When you get chance, shame her. I dgaf - if she’s embarrassed by your comments then she needs to take action.

That would be my stance. My daughter is 7, does as I ask for now but I can see she’s one of the brilliant, creative but horribly messy types. She’ll be a pig too (already getting there!) so I’ve enjoyed reading my future and advice! 😆

I grew up on a farm. I came home once to my stuff thrown on the fire. Didn't teach me anything..

Yeah. Because GCSEs these days are an absolute doddle aren't they?