Man in ladies’ loo

[Suburbanrunner]

I was out running earlier today and stopped to go to the loo in a local park. A man came in at the same time with his young daughter and went into the cubicle next to me. As she went to the loo the father and daughter talked through all the steps they were taking and also commented on me ie is that lady also doing a wee, is she wiping her bum etc. I felt a bit uncomfortable and thought I’d wait for them to leave. However the father then proceeded to say that as they were there he was going to have a wee too. At this point I couldn’t take any more and said could you not do that, please can you go in the men’s. He got pretty aggressive saying what else was he meant to do as he had his young daughter with him. I felt so uncomfortable at this stage that I left (without going to the loo!)
Now I’m questioning myself - aibu to be annoyed he was in the loos? Or was he perfectly within his rights to bring his daughter into the women’s loos and also use them himself?
thank you mumsnet jury!

I find this difficult to believe

I feel like the child should go in the adults gendered toilet. It's not like dad is going to be leaving her with the other men in there is it? But this is the new future now I guess

It used to be a massive faux pas to use the opposite sex toilets but since gender woo took over, no more

Depends on age of daughter tbh and location. The disabled toilet is the ideal option but then it takes away from those who might need it. As a guide I would say

Under 7, yes he should be going in.

7-10 depending on child stay outside and call in etc

10+ should be fine on their own

I could never be too precious about this. If our baby is a DD I wouldn’t want her going into the men’s.

If he’s with his daughter, he’s hardly there to be staring at women having a wee is he.

I think it was ok him being in the ladies loo under the circumstances. IMHO only. Not ok doing that running commentary. Bit pervy??

He was talking to his daughter the whole time

And why not just go when he's there? He's not flashing his bits at you

Just wait 2 seconds more. Men pee quickly

Same here

The commenting on you is pure male arrogance and misogyny. You’re not a person with feelings, you’re just a teaching moment. What a prick and what a shame that that little girl is growing up without a male role model who will teach her about boundaries. Ugh I’m angry for you op.

He got aggressive? Well no one must be told no these days must they. Go where you like, do what you like. Why couldn’t he have waited outside for the kid? Why the running commentary on whoever was doing what in the next cubicle? World has gone mad

What on earth have I just read?? 😂😂

Doesn’t say how old the child was, maybe she was 3?

He should have taken her into to the male toilets with him or used the disabled toilets. And a mother with a young son should go into the female toilets or the disabled toilets. It's not rocket science.

If this happened, the commentary was probably unnecessary.

He probably just didn't want to take his daughter passed a load of men at the urinals in the gents, and he was probably nervous of leaving her unattended if he popped in. I remember being propositioned waiting for my dad outside some gents toilets when I was about 10.

@Suburbanrunner do you have kids?!?!

The girl was asking normal toilet questions for a kid.

It would make a lot more sense for him to go wee whilst he was already there than to drag the girl into the smelly mens loo and have her comment on all the different penises at the urinal!

An adult male should never go into or use the female toilets. He should have taken her into the male toilets if she needed to be supervised (don’t know her age, she sounds young.)

It’s not ok for a grown man to be in the ladies‘ loo. The child should go with the adult. I’d hate to have this if my tween was in there alone. Definitely not ok for him to go either.

He should take his daughter in the mens toilet with him and keep her with him or used the disbaled/ baby change toilets.

He should take her into the men's. If the men's toilets are unsuitable/dirty, he and other fathers should campaign for them to be improved. Women had to fight to get decent, safe bathrooms, men can too.

Ultimately this is such a non-issue. He wasn’t in the women’s toilets for bad reasons, he was taking his daughter. Male cleaners are in toilets all the time. I really don’t see why anyone is so bothered and I wouldn’t even think twice about this especially if the child was young.

@Jharris8 All smacks of entitlement to me. Take her in the gents. Who wants a big geezer in the ladies loo

When she was asking questions about what you were doing he should have said it’s rude to talk/ask about other peoples toileting as it’s private.

Having said that he should have gone to the men’s with his daughter.

I'm really surprised at all the posters saying he should bring a young female child into male public toilets where she could witness anything given the use of urinals. I wouldn't feel comfortable with my child doing that. I also wouldn't send a young child into the toilets alone either so unless there's a disabled/ accessible toilet he's in a lose lose situation. In that instance I wouldn't have had a problem with it. And why would you expect him to leave without using the toilet himself- he can't leave his child outside the men's.

Definitely a less than desirable situation and tbh it for me shows the need for some gender neutral provision that doesn't take away from those who need disabled access bathrooms.

I wouldn’t care. Male cleaning staff are in ladies public toilets all the time. I don’t see the harm that one person could do, accompanied by their young daughter, when they’re clearly in those bathrooms for that reason

I do think it's different as womens loos don't have a communal aspect. It's individual cubicles not public urinals.