Man in ladies’ loo

[Suburbanrunner]

I was out running earlier today and stopped to go to the loo in a local park. A man came in at the same time with his young daughter and went into the cubicle next to me. As she went to the loo the father and daughter talked through all the steps they were taking and also commented on me ie is that lady also doing a wee, is she wiping her bum etc. I felt a bit uncomfortable and thought I’d wait for them to leave. However the father then proceeded to say that as they were there he was going to have a wee too. At this point I couldn’t take any more and said could you not do that, please can you go in the men’s. He got pretty aggressive saying what else was he meant to do as he had his young daughter with him. I felt so uncomfortable at this stage that I left (without going to the loo!)
Now I’m questioning myself - aibu to be annoyed he was in the loos? Or was he perfectly within his rights to bring his daughter into the women’s loos and also use them himself?
thank you mumsnet jury!

Yes, because my 10 year old ASD son is safer in the women’s toilets with me than on his own in the men’s and thankfully I’ve never come across any woman who has had a problem with that.

They won’t apply common sense even despite the fact that women’s aid etc already apply gender self identification for service users.

The question is why don’t they want to take the child into the men’s? Because a higher proportion of men are perverts or predators so the women’s is seen as safer. The fact a man has a child doesn’t suddenly mean he isn’t a pervert and is a “decent” person.

What I find interesting about these men who use the ladies loo (and I have come across a couple) is when challenged, they are never apologetic. They are always aggressive and entitled- and the potential for aggression is the main argument for why women don’t want men in their spaces. They never prove women wrong - by being incredibly apologetic, understanding etc. They always prove women right by behaving like complete pricks.

I've been in ladies loos with piss on the seat and floor, period blood the same, shit still in the loo...

Fucks sake, here we go. Stop advising ableds to use disabled toilets. If adult men want to take their children into biological women's spaces, where they shouldn't be, then perhaps they should start campaigning for family toilets.

If a grown arsed man is allowed in the ladies’ toilet, I’ll make sure I remember I’m allowed to take my disabled 11 year old son in with me. 👍🏻

Seeing as we’re all deciding we can bend the rules to suit.

I say this as mum of also a 5 year old girl.

He should be in the men’s toilets.

For all those saying otherwise I can’t believe they bring their boys into the men’s when they’re out!

Perhaps the mens toilet needs a redesign. The urinals at the back, behind a wall. The cubicles at the front, so children accompanied by fathers can use those, and mothers can wait nearby.

I wouldn't have wanted my DD to go on the mens toilets with her dad. And disabled toilet is for disabled people
I couldn't care less if he was using the toilet at the same time. He obviously didn't want his DD in the mens room so where was he supposed to go?
If he did comment on you then he was OTT but I wouldn't have said anything just waited a few seconds for him to leave.

You wouldn’t allow 8-10 yr old girls to go to the toilet on their own ?!

And we wonder why young people are helpless…

Yes, YABU. He’s just taking his little girl to the loo, without her needing to see the men at the urinals. Zero harm done.

What a nasty comment.

“Zero harm done.”

Yes but that’s not what women are saying in any other circumstances. Why is this man all of sudden not a threat but all the others are? This is why I eye roll when people get up in arms about a young boy going in there. Why is a boy more of a threat than this man?

So there is at least one poster saying she has some trauma related to going to the men's loos as a child but others still think there's "no harm"?

And I've seen women use the mens loo

Go to a show with a majority female audience... you can bet you'll see them start using the men's loos even though there are men present too

i think if there was a choice between a young girl coming into the female toilets with her dad as opposed to going into a male toilet, I pick the former. I put the child’s safety and feelings before my own potential discomfort.
lets me realistic, there is never going to be a change in the format of male toilets so its pointless saying that’s the answer.

Or, perhaps that man could have let OP do her biz and come out and then gone in with his daughter., 2 minutes top.
But then he would have missed the opportunity of making OP uncomfortable.

Have you ever had a young child? When they need to go, they need to go.

I was with my dad constantly as a child and went into a lot of men’s toilets as a result. He’d just poke his head in first and call out “Alright to bring my daughter in?” or something like that. If there were men using the urinals they’d finish up first and then we’d go in. Or if they hadn’t started they’d offer to wait until we were done. I never saw anything indecent and never felt weird or upset about it.

On the few occasions when he felt the men’s was either too dirty or it didn’t have stalls he would send me into the women’s and stand near the outer door so he could hear me if I needed to call him. I remember one time it was busy and I kept hearing him say “Sorry, just waiting for my daughter!” over and over as women came in. 😂

No reason men today can’t do the same. It seems ridiculous that they’d rather risk making women uncomfortable than communicate with other men.

It is a pretty difficult situation for fathers of daughters.

Last week at an English Heritage place I was rather taken aback to come across a man in the ladies but the baby changing facilities were only accessible by going through the ladies.

Men's toilets need to be more suitable for fathers.

The guy was trying to do the best for his daughter in circumstances which were not ideal. Obviously embarrassed and defensive when he was challenged
I’d be tempted to show some tolerance

I would not have a problem if he was bringing his young daughter in there.
Completely inappropriate taking her to the men's toilets.

Him doing that commentary is giving off pervert vibes. I don't believe a decent man would do that in the ladies.

At my local shopping centre there is a large baby changing with a child’s cubicle, BF cubicle and two change tables and my husband has been challenged for changing our child in there before.

It doesn't bother you. It bothers other people. Your coolness about a man in a female only space doesn't make it okay. If we make it normal for men to be anywhere and everywhere that is for females then we can no longer exclude the ones who are not there because of a child who needs to wee.