Man in ladies’ loo

[Suburbanrunner]

I was out running earlier today and stopped to go to the loo in a local park. A man came in at the same time with his young daughter and went into the cubicle next to me. As she went to the loo the father and daughter talked through all the steps they were taking and also commented on me ie is that lady also doing a wee, is she wiping her bum etc. I felt a bit uncomfortable and thought I’d wait for them to leave. However the father then proceeded to say that as they were there he was going to have a wee too. At this point I couldn’t take any more and said could you not do that, please can you go in the men’s. He got pretty aggressive saying what else was he meant to do as he had his young daughter with him. I felt so uncomfortable at this stage that I left (without going to the loo!)
Now I’m questioning myself - aibu to be annoyed he was in the loos? Or was he perfectly within his rights to bring his daughter into the women’s loos and also use them himself?
thank you mumsnet jury!

Same

Purely individual cubicles, all self-contained, will stop the hysteria...

Wait, no, men sneak into those and put cameras up 😒

No worse than already happens with hoverers.

And then we have to put up with men's woeful toilet hygiene and smelly wee. No thanks.

I forget how much this forum hates men.

The amount I've had to wipe off seats in the women's, it will make no difference.

On the contrary. I have a DH and two sons. Trust me, I’ve wiped some piss over the years

Have you never encountered poor toilet hygiene from men? I think you might be in the minority if you haven't.

Don’t hate men; just don’t want them in my space. If you do, good for you but I and many many others don’t.

No decent man would go into a woman’s toilets to start with…

I think if males aren’t allowed in a female space then it should apply to men coming in with their daughters too.

If it’s not ok for an 11 year old boy to come in to a female space with his mum, then it shouldn’t be ok for a grown arsed man to come in to a female space with his daughter. Only a total hypocrite would say an 11 year old boy can’t but a grown arsed man can, no matter what his reasons are regarding helping/“protecting” his daughter.

So true. I mean they couldn’t possibly do that already, what with the penis repelling forcefield installed at the door of every ladies loo.

I have a very clear and upsetting memory of being taken into a public men's toilet by my dad aged about 5. In hindsight he must have had no other option but I genuinely found it frightening and the memory of that discomfort has stayed with me. I had never seen an adult penis before (I did have a baby brother), and I can't explain it any other way except that I had the strong and distinct feeling that it was wrong and unsafe for me to be around them.
For context, we'd arrived in the UK the previous year from a war zone, so its not like I was this really sheltered, molly-coddled child who took fright at everything. But this particular situation felt wrong and upsetting.
Also for context, I'm as GC as they come. Only biological women belong in women's toilets IMO.... except when the alternative is taking a young girl into the men's toilet. I think his mistake was announcing "I'm also going to do a wee". Presumably he was in a separate cubicle from the OP so she'd have been none the wiser if he hadn't said anything.

He made a great announcement that he was in there. Therein lies the problem

Sorry, but women not taking their DS into the mens is nothing to do with caring about the dignity of men, it is to do with perceived safety, as you can see from the numerous threads on the subject.

And if you read those threads, you'll see how many of those women also don't care about the dignity of other women, by insisting boys of 10, 12, even 14 come into the ladies with them.

Personally I think all the issues could be solved by better provision of stand alone, gender neutral, family cubicles, complete with baby change.

WRT to the OP, I think the commentary is plain rude, but I understand why the DF took his DD in but also understand why it made OP uncomfortable. I don't understand what difference it made that the DF also used the loo once he was in there though.

No ideal but understandable, initially.
Something very wrong with the running commentary and his own pee announcement. Not surprised he became aggressive, the whole circus had more to do with him and his weirdness than his daughter's needs. Weirdo.

The issue is, not only was he in a space that he arguably shouldn't have been in. Or at the very least, felt awkward/apologetic about being in. He completely dominated the space and made you feel uncomfortable.

If he'd been quiet and sheepish I doubt it would have bothered you so much. It's the entitlement that's so galling.

Who do people think the men's toilets are unsafe for a child with her father? Presumably no one is going to do anything with him there?
And my (male) DC confirm that you don't see penises when you're in there. Unless you're at the urinal and you actually look, which no one does.
Hygiene could be an issue in there to be fair, but men still have no place in the women's.

As for gender neutral, floor to ceiling etc. No thanks. I went in one recently after a teenage lad. There was piss on the toilet seat and the floor. Fucking grim.

Noooo because this never happens and is not constantly in the news. We're all going crazy and just imagining it!

He should have brought her in the mens, if he's not man enough to protect her while going in there then that is his problem.

When my dad took us to the swimming pool he always changed all three of us girls in the mens until we were 8 or so.

@RawBloomers I understand what you're saying and the element of privilege, but men's and womens toilets usually have a different set up with men's toilets containing communal urinals. For that reason i do think it is very different.

Yes you are being unreasonable. No one was doing anything they shouldn’t be in there and what’s the difference between a man’s piss running into the toilet in a private cubicle a womans. Get a grip.

Not very nice for the girl having to see men pissing in the urinals though.

I agree, I'd have been incredibly uncomfortable as a young girl being brought into a men's bathroom especially with men's genitalia out in use. Why should a young girl be put in that position.