Man in ladies’ loo

[Suburbanrunner]

I was out running earlier today and stopped to go to the loo in a local park. A man came in at the same time with his young daughter and went into the cubicle next to me. As she went to the loo the father and daughter talked through all the steps they were taking and also commented on me ie is that lady also doing a wee, is she wiping her bum etc. I felt a bit uncomfortable and thought I’d wait for them to leave. However the father then proceeded to say that as they were there he was going to have a wee too. At this point I couldn’t take any more and said could you not do that, please can you go in the men’s. He got pretty aggressive saying what else was he meant to do as he had his young daughter with him. I felt so uncomfortable at this stage that I left (without going to the loo!)
Now I’m questioning myself - aibu to be annoyed he was in the loos? Or was he perfectly within his rights to bring his daughter into the women’s loos and also use them himself?
thank you mumsnet jury!

Yeah fuck the comfort and dignity of grown women eh J? Male privilege is so much more hilarious. 🙄

I get that about male cleaners and you’re right but this to me is about entitlement. When the kid was blathering on about who was doing what in the other lol surely he should’ve said “none of your business” Was it him that said weeing or wiping bum??

The running commentary would make me feel a bit uncomfortable too and I would've said to my child that it's private what other people do in loos.

The father going for a pee whilst he was there wouldn't bother me unless he was pissing in the sink, up the walls or waving his penis in everyone's faces. In a locked cubicle, not a problem (but that's just me and we're all different)

I would prefer that the child was in the ladies toilets rather than the gents.

Is he not in this instance trying to protect the comfort and dignity of his daughter though? I agree it's less than ideal but it does sound like that was his intention.

I am not saying this is the case here but pervy men have kids too. When I worked in retail there was a couple of dad's who were known to encourage their small dc to run at changing rooms so they could get an eyeful or even follow them in.

I’m lol

😂😂😂

I would not be comfortable with a male in the female toilets. He should not be in there. DH takes our dd into the men’s with him or goes into the disabled toilet if it’s an allocated baby change too. He never takes her into the female toilets. Good on you for speaking up op.

Is the little girl meant to hold it in until.then?

Men's toilets are absolutely grim and not safe places. Personally i wouldn't have any problem with a man taking his daughter into a ladies cubicle. It's not as if it's open plan.

How old was the kid? And do you know if the men’s has cubicles or just urinals? I wouldn’t be thrilled with a very young girl going into loos alone, but his conversation was downright weird.

I think he was right to take his little daughter into a cubicle in the female toilet area rather than into the men’s toilet and have her walk by men peeing in the urinals.

It doesn’t even cross women’s minds to do this to men. It shouldn’t cross men’s minds to do it to women. And they should bloody well know because they won’t have seen any mothers taking their sons into the mens to pee.

If they’re that bad then would you expect him to take a ds into then or would you think he would take ds into the females loos too? My dd goes into the men’s with my DH and they’ve always been fine, we haven’t been anywhere where they are grim.

Dd goes with the man into the male toilets. A woman wouldn't take a boy into the men's ffs. Dp has never had issues doing this.

How likely is it that the gents would have been heaving with men standing at the urinals? Not very. When we were tiny our mum used to hold us under a tree or something to wee. All outdated now I suppose

All this "grown men should never be in a ladies loo", ignoring the idea of male cleaner etc, makes me think of Dinnerladies

"Male maintainace man entering female toilet premise for nut adjustment"

Seriously you've never smelt a man's public loo often a little used stairwell in an old car park smells better.

Why would it matter if it was busy with men using the urinals? Or is this another thread were posters know men who lift their children up and encourage them to look around a mans shoulders, rather than just walk behind them.

If in a cubicle I think he was fine. Fine to do a wee too. Not fine to be discussing you.

I get that. But the running commentary is not necessary. My DH was a very hands on dad but would never have taken our dds into a women’s loo. It would be the disabled toilets or in an emergency when they were tiny, a male cubicle. When they were older he would have sent them in to the ladies on their own but stand outside shouting to them to ask if they were alright!

What if it had been a 10yo girl he had followed in there (in addition to his DD)? Is that still OK?

Hrs normalising men in womans toilets to his child, and making her vulnerable in the future

It's one of those situations where there is no one right answer, until family / unisex bathrooms (alongside single sex bathrooms) become common.

I can't wait until we have those brilliant unisex loos everywhere. The ones that are just individual cubicles/rooms with the loo, sink and dryer.

No more of this who's in the loo nonsense.

Do we know how old the kid was?? Yes it’s the running commentary that’s the piss take (excuse the pun). Why the conversation? Get in. Get out. Why the need to speculate if a woman in the other loo is wiping anything. Utterly bizarre. If he’d kept his mouth shut OP would’ve been none the wiser

Yeh with piss all over the seats. Can’t wait