Man in ladies’ loo

[Suburbanrunner]

I was out running earlier today and stopped to go to the loo in a local park. A man came in at the same time with his young daughter and went into the cubicle next to me. As she went to the loo the father and daughter talked through all the steps they were taking and also commented on me ie is that lady also doing a wee, is she wiping her bum etc. I felt a bit uncomfortable and thought I’d wait for them to leave. However the father then proceeded to say that as they were there he was going to have a wee too. At this point I couldn’t take any more and said could you not do that, please can you go in the men’s. He got pretty aggressive saying what else was he meant to do as he had his young daughter with him. I felt so uncomfortable at this stage that I left (without going to the loo!)
Now I’m questioning myself - aibu to be annoyed he was in the loos? Or was he perfectly within his rights to bring his daughter into the women’s loos and also use them himself?
thank you mumsnet jury!

Absolutely. It’s the aggressive entitlement

Of course we can exclude them. We don’t need to make this into something it’s not

Here we go. All about keeping the trans out. 🙄

Depends on how old the child is for me, up to about 5 then I think they need supervision and possibly help, over that he could wait outside, so if around that age I wouldn't have an issue with it because I certainly didn't want my DD exposed to the use of urinals at that age, and we all know how younger ones can get distracted, touch things they shouldn't and just not get on with what they're supposed to be doing without someone prompting - not to mention it can be a scary proposition for a younger child.

So if a little one he didn't have much in the way of choices as far as I can see. Not ideal but if fathers are to spend time with their daughters alone and there isn't the facility for them to use a separate toilet to male and female, without infringing on disabled toilets, then there's not much choice really.

The commentary was a bit 😳 but then you see a lot of performance parenting around from male and female. And young kids are curious and chatter nonsense which most people humour, although I would have said that we don't talk about other people when OP was brought into it.

I mean I'm not a 'Not my Nigel' because I don't have a Nigel, or anyone else for that matter, and I'm well aware of what men can be capable of unfortunately, and it would have made me a bit uncomfortable to be honest but I'd also be thinking that the little girl in the men's due to the layout etc would be worse on balance.

Really?! I used to work in a place where one of the women systematically left each of the toilet cubicles in the women's bathrooms unusable by the end of the day. Women can be disgusting unfortunately that's not just a male trait.

Here we go. All about keeping the trans out.

Who mentioned trans @ilovesooty?

Bold fail

Agree I wouldn’t want a young female child in the gents loo.

I have two boys and I’ve always taken them into the Ladies with me. My youngest is 8 and on a camping trip I brought him into the ladies showers with me so we could shower together as I wasn’t about to send him alone to the men’s. One mother there got upset with me, so I apologised and explained the situation and she shrugged it off - she wasn’t happy. I mean, he’s 8. He’s not looking around, he’s just showering with me and that’s all. Everyone has their issues about this, but I suppose this man should really have taken her with him to the men’s and used a cubicle.

@SparklyBracelet so which female in this equation have you decided is more important than the other? The small female child less important than the adult woman? Or is it better in your opinion that the child is brought into the male toilets and possibly exposed to a strangers genitalia? Is that really less harmful to you than a man using a cubicle with his child when everyone is fully clothed and covered in the communal areas??

They can wait a minute, have you ever tried?

Yep. Did the same when my daughter was young. Managed to never have to go in the ladies toilets & I'm sure if I had, I wouldn't have been commenting on anyone else in there.

Apart from one person saying preteen girls shouldn't go the toilet unsupervised, still no one has answered whether they would be happy with their 8-10yo girl in a toilet alone with a random man only accompanied by a toddler...

I would have peed and got on with my life.

Wouldn’t worry me any more than it would a woman alone with a toddler.

Generally speaking, you would expect the adult to take the child into the gendered toilets , so in this case the dad to take his daughter into the gents. However, could it be the gents toilets were in a bit of a state (they often are according to my partner ,especially in a park) and so he then went into the ladies instead? If that was the scenario, I wouldn't have an issue with that if they were straight in and out.

Women don't bring their sons into the mens toilets.

My 18 year old daughter is by no means helpless 😂 - she’s at uni, she drives, and has a part time job. I would just rather have accompanied her to a public toilet when necessary when she was a child to make sure she was safe rather than risk some oddball coming in while she was there and her being at risk.

I don’t think the vast majority of men are a threat. I do have sympathy for women that feel like that - especially if they’ve been through something traumatic that’s led to that fear. I do also think a man taking his little girl to the loo is even less likely to be a threat than a randomly selected man. Before someone gets angry at me, I didn’t say it’s impossible - but pretty unlikely.

Well, I wouldn't have wanted my husband to take our daughters into mens toilets due to the exposed urinals and strangers penises! So, I'm not against a Dad taking his young daughter into public toilets, where there is no family/unisex/or disabled toilet, I say that collectively as often the family toilet it combined in with the disabled.

Anyway, if I were you, I'd also have waited until they finished and left, I would also have been extremely uncomfortable with the commentary. He should be teaching her boundaries, about respecting other users privacy. And no, he should not have announced he was also going. I wouldn't have wanted to hear that either, but I could see why he would have. I just think he was a bit stupid to not think it through how uncomfortable that would make you feel. That just goes to show how so many men don't give a shit about women's comfort or dignity.

If it was just them two in the toilets, and no other users, I wouldn't have an issue of him taking a piss in there while he was there anyway.

Yep me too. Loving the way grown woman can’t cope with a dad looking after his little girl near to her in a public toilet but she expects said little girl to tolerate taking her pants down and being helped by her dad in an area with several men using urinals.

MN gets worse and worse.

There is no way he should have got aggressive. But at the same time if he was in a locked cubicle with his child, the fact he announced his urinary intention isn't instantly wrong. He could be just peed and not said anything at all, you wouldn't necessarily have known.
I'm not sure it would've been great him bringing his small daughter into the men's either though.

The one truly offensive thing about this is the fact that an adult is commenting on what you were doing in there, because what business is it of his?........And to encourage his child to do the same. It's twisted, weird and gross. The gents would be like a hurricane in a horses'stable on a Tuesday so to stop his kid from being scarred for life they used the ladies.

I’ll say it. No doubt there will be a pile on. I am as feminist as you like but there’s a lot of hatred towards men on here and sometimes often it goes too far. Gender aside he’s a parent trying to choose the safest and best option for his little girl. Not as if he’s gone in on his own cos the queue was too long for the men’s.

As a woman, I think that I would rather be in an uncomfortable situation then a little girl have to use the men’s toilets.