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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Holiday dilemma

196 replies

Tasmin88 · 05/04/2024 23:58

Sorry for the rant but we've had a massive row and I just want to understand what others would do?

Basically, we're on holiday with my DP, his DD (10 YO) and me and my DD (6 YO). His DD won a talent contest and received a £10 voucher to be used on the campsite, fair enough! As a family, we won a quiz and another £10 voucher. It's our last day tomorrow so we were discussing how to let the kids make the most of the vouchers but my DP is suggesting his DD gets £15 of the voucher and my DD gets £5 as that's 'fair'... I explained that from my POV, if it was the other way around and my DD had won the talent content, I would still be saying £10 each in the interest of fairness and teaching them about sharing but he seems to think I'm unreasonable? Thoughts?

OP posts:
Awrite · 06/04/2024 00:00

You are in the right

Maglian · 06/04/2024 00:07

I can see both sides. I wouldn't automatically give the whole family prize to one child in the interests of teaching fairness. Maybe find a third way. Get them icecreams with the family money and little one gets the change perhaps.

Houseplantmad · 06/04/2024 00:08

But there’s more to this than just the vouchers presumably. A massive row seems extreme, especially on holiday.

CommentNow · 06/04/2024 00:08

You're right.

If he digs in to win you'd arguement then I'd say fine and tell him I'm giving my DD £15 from my own pocket: £10 to match his DD, plus an extra fiver for great behaviour.

Watch his face when he realises his child will he the one having less and see how he feels when the shoe is on the other foot.

CulturalNomad · 06/04/2024 00:10

DP is suggesting his DD gets £15 of the voucher and my DD gets £5 as that's 'fair'

He's being ridiculous. They are 6 & 10, let them split the money evenly🙄

TinyYellow · 06/04/2024 00:13

Both sides of this are reasonable but I understand the Hs side more. It devalues the achievement of winning a competition if everyone gets the same prize anyway. The family prize should benefit the family or both children at least.

Nanny0gg · 06/04/2024 00:13

Hang on.

So Mary won a talent contest and got £10

You ALL won a quiz and got £10. You want to give that quiz money to your DD (Ada)

Why is that fair? Why should Mary lose her share of family quiz winnings because she was good enough to win a talent contest?

Have I got that right?

Aerin1999 · 06/04/2024 00:16

TinyYellow · 06/04/2024 00:13

Both sides of this are reasonable but I understand the Hs side more. It devalues the achievement of winning a competition if everyone gets the same prize anyway. The family prize should benefit the family or both children at least.

Agree! In the real world the winners get the prize and don’t have to share it. Perhaps this is a moment to demonstrate what hard work and results can achieve.

it’s the same on sports day when they don’t award any prizes for actually winning, just for trying really hard. The world they will enter doesn’t work like this.

mrsdineen2 · 06/04/2024 00:20

Honestly, you're both right and I don't know how I'd make the call on this.

ILoveLegDay · 06/04/2024 00:20

Your DP is right.

Doris daughter won the talent =10
Doris won the quiz = 5
Total 15

Debbie daughter won the quiz =5

Up to Doris if she wants to share

Containergardener · 06/04/2024 00:22

There is a vast difference between a 6 and 10 in terms of maturity. My kids are 7 & 9. I would say 10 yr does what they want with voucher (my eldest would likely want to include sibling or share), and other voucher for family such as food/activity but let the 6 year old decide

TheCheekyKoala · 06/04/2024 00:23

You had a massive row over £5 difference?

id personally have split £10 each specially as the oldest should be able to understand more then the 6 year old.

If my DH insisted though I’d let his DD have 15 and I’d just give my daughter an extra £20 from my pocket.

TheCheekyKoala · 06/04/2024 00:24

Or his DD keeps the £10, you and DH keeps the £10 and I’d give my kid £10.

Either way I wouldn’t let mine have less regardless if his won it in a talent show.

HoppingPavlova · 06/04/2024 00:25

Easy:

Child who won talent contest - 10 to spend however they wish, even if only on themselves.

Whole family - 10 to spend on something that benefits everyone as the entire family won the quiz.

TheDuck2018 · 06/04/2024 00:25

He is right.

Eldest daughter won, on her own - £10
Family win - £5 each.

When your daughter wins something her own, she gets to keep it.

Stichintime · 06/04/2024 00:28

I don't understand why you think it's OK to take a child's winnings and share it out? DHs daughter won, so she gets to keep it. The other voucher I would split between the two girls.

Concannon88 · 06/04/2024 00:31

@Tasmin88 people saying to split the quiz money evenly, does that include mum and dad, so everyone gets £2.50 each? 🙄 £10 is a lot for their ages. 15 is even more and 5 is not a lot. Why can't the dad just go overboard with praise for how well she did to win her £10 and say it would be nice for the much younger child to have the other money to buy a treat too.

Aquamarine1029 · 06/04/2024 00:33

You've had a massive row over this?

Do yourself the biggest favour of your life and end it now.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 06/04/2024 00:33

Sorry I think he is right. What are you teaching them by giving them a tenner each? That there is no point in trying your best to win etc, because you'll get the same rewards anyway? That you don't celebrate others achievements, without celebrating everyone at the same time? I can see where you're coming from, it's the same school of thought of giving presents to kids on their siblings birthdays so they 'don't feel left out' but I think it's absolutely fine for all the focus to be on birthday child for the day. If I was the 10 year old I'd be pissed off that I didn't get any of the family money - the tenner she won is 100% hers fair and square, and it's not fair to then give the family money which would otherwise have been shared, 100% to her step sister.

Scarletttulips · 06/04/2024 00:33

Dear lord!

Im with you op two young girls on holiday spending their winnings - in the scheme of it £10 each is enough to buy something nice each.

Why you are fighting sounds a lot deeper than a few quid:

AllosaurusMum · 06/04/2024 00:33

He’s right.

CraftyBum · 06/04/2024 00:33

He is technically right, but I couldn't even be arsed with this level of pettiness, a voucher each shouldn't be an issue and if it is then its quite sad.

Maglian · 06/04/2024 00:40

btw the lesson you are really teaching your kids here is how to handle a disagreement. "Fair" is open for debate, and it's not always the same as equal. But how you resolve it matters - compromise or escalation, listening to each other or talking over each other. This is what they will remember more than spending the money, and this is what they will serve back to you when they are teenagers!

TheDuck2018 · 06/04/2024 00:42

Would you still want to split evenly if it had been your daughter that had won the £10 on her own?

LightDrizzle · 06/04/2024 00:48

I’m with DH.