Holiday dilemma

[Tasmin88]

Sorry for the rant but we've had a massive row and I just want to understand what others would do?

Basically, we're on holiday with my DP, his DD (10 YO) and me and my DD (6 YO). His DD won a talent contest and received a £10 voucher to be used on the campsite, fair enough! As a family, we won a quiz and another £10 voucher. It's our last day tomorrow so we were discussing how to let the kids make the most of the vouchers but my DP is suggesting his DD gets £15 of the voucher and my DD gets £5 as that's 'fair'... I explained that from my POV, if it was the other way around and my DD had won the talent content, I would still be saying £10 each in the interest of fairness and teaching them about sharing but he seems to think I'm unreasonable? Thoughts?

Surely the talent contest winnings all go to the winner of that, then the other £10 is split evenly between the four of you, so £2.50 each. That means talent winner now has £12.50. If you choose to give your share to your DD she now has £5. If your DP gives his £2.50 to his DD she ends up with £15.

my first instinct was he was being unreasonable but actually if you follow through the fair split of the family-won money then he is actually being reasonable.

Why don't you tell that to Alcaraz and all the other Wimbledon competitors? No need for millions of pounds of prize money, success on national TV should be enough surely.

Sometimes the reward is solely in the achievement. Sometimes talent is financially recognised. In this case, it was the latter.

Who knows, the 10yo may have 'invested' in winning. Practised her performance, made a costume, props.

What lesson is she being taught if she doesn't get to keep her winnings? To sit on her arse and do nothing next time because she'll be equally rewarded.

His dd gets to spend her voucher as she pleases, she won the talent competition fair and square.

All four of you get £2.50 each from the quiz voucher.

So basically, you get ice cream the quiz voucher, no need for a massive argument.

The 10 YO should want to share her prize with her 'step sister' (I don't know what's technically correct in this situation so let's not derail the thread with blended family pedantry). But then it looks like her DF doesn't encourage this sort of generosity.

Should she also want to be a doormat and lie down while the rest of the family trample over her and her achievements?

Ffs no wonder women don't demand pay rises/bigger bonuses at work if this is how they are conditioned in childhood.

I think DP is right.
The child that won the talent contest should keep her £10 and the other £10 should be used for something for everyone in the team

10yr old won £10; she keeps that

family won £10; talk to the DC and see what they want to do with it.

DP is technically right, and the one who won the talent contest should have something to show for it.

Personally, I would buy the DD who won a decent item as a prize, then give the DDs £10 (or whatever) each to buy something they choose. The prize money can just go towards that.

Your DP is right, you're wromg, OP. Why his daughter should loose out of her share of winning in family quiz? I think you don't like it, becuase it's your daughter who'll get less. It would be other way round, you'd wated her to have her share.

Who do you think you are helping yourself to 10 year old"s winnings or cutting her out of the family prize? Is she not in the family. Of course she should keep her own money. The quiz prize gets divided by 4 or 2, not just handed to the 6 year old!

This reminds me of the year I turned 14, my parents were not that long broken up and my mum had a new boyfriend all of which was stressful for me. She decided they were going away for a weekend on my birthday. I was upset but she told me to grow up.

I was with my dad that weekend, my older sister stayed home. I arrived home and my sister was modelling a dress our mother had brought her back from the holiday. It was skin tight. My sister in direct contrast to my still chubby dumpy frame had the height and proportions of a catwalk model. I eyed her enviously. I'd look ridiculous in a dress like that.

The next day my mum said to me that she'd a birthday present for me. An identical dress appeared. I burst into tears. It wasn't a birthday present for my sister. So why did we both get the same gift? I hadn't received a gift on her birthday. Also my mum obviously bought it for my sister, she started to laugh when I put it on, wiping the tears from her eyes.

A few years later we were given a joint Christmas present of a stereo. We were thrilled and kept it in our den. The following year I received my own stereo and she got a gift of the same value. But where will the shared one go I wondered. In my sister's bedroom and I could bring mine up and down between my bedroom and our den.

Yes I know these are the tantrums of a spoilt little rich girl and I knew then I was not in a position to complain but I remember how this felt.

Because if it was only, or even primarily, about the money then everyone would do it. It's first and foremost about love of the sport/perfoming, as well as the drive to better yourself. Without that, nobody would have the commitment to make the time, effort, and sacrifices it takes to make it.

If she is going to pursue her talent, at this age, the delight of winning and knowing that whatever she put into it got her the reward will not be devalued by her younger stepsister getting to choose something with family money. If it does then from my experience she doesn't have what it takes mentally to be elite.

I would think if the bigger picture - if the voucher has to be used to buy things from a specific shop like they do in the arcade type places then £10 isn’t going to get them very much. They can have fun together choosing what they are going to buy if they both have the same amount to spend. If one has £15 and one £5 then inevitably there is going to be upset.

Techically DP is correct but it would really annoy me.

This!

Same. He is correct. The £10 talent contest is the ten year olds and separate. But the £10 family win Id be buying something for the family. Or splitting that voucher between the two children. Depends what can be bought with it.

I actually agree with him
it should be the 10 split for the quiz prize
sorry but I do think that’s fair

I’d let the 10yo keep their money and spend the family voucher on ice cream, or similar, for everyone to share.

Very much with your DP on this and am astonished so many people think otherwise.

His DD won the contest by her own efforts so deserves her own £10

Your DD was part of a team of four who won the quiz and, lets be honest, probably had minimal contribution towards that being only 6.

If his DD had not won the talent contest would you still have advocated your DD getting all of the quiz winnings? Presumably not.

I know it is not a huge sum to have a row about but it is the principle of the thing. And I think he is right and you are wrong

What does the elder DD (talent contest winner) think of her Dad's suggestion?

That, more than anything will tell you how "nice" and generous she is about sharing with her (half) sister. That would be my thinking anyway.

Ask her.

The £10 talent contest prize belongs to the winner and is none of your business.

The £10 family quiz prize belongs to all of you - if you're not splitting it, I'd give it to whoever answered the most questions correctly.

Why don't you ask the children. I bet they'll come up with a fair and mature solution without the bickering!

Definitely agree with the DP. The girl who won the talent contest should absolutely get to keep her winnings and not be made to feel she has to share if she doesn't actually want to. Families who enforce sharing before kids actually have the instinct often foster resentments for later, with the parents often blissfully unaware of this until it comes back to bite them.

The quiz money was won jointly and should be put towards a shared activity or treat. I don't understand just handing the whole £10 over to the 6 year old who had probably a minimum role in winning the quiz! I think it's patronising. I would absolutely be treating them to ice-creams etc (because that's what you do on holiday anyway) and might well treat them to something in the gift shop too, which may cost £10 or even a bit more, but I would keep that separate from the quiz win, because they didn't win it!

I don't think the 10 year old should even find out about this.
She won the talent show fair and square and got a lovely prize, that she can use to buy a memento. If you come back and DD is old enough to take part in the talent show then would you expect her to split that ?

What would have happened if you hadn't won the quiz ? Would DSD be forced to split her winnings and only have a fiver ?

Older child keeps the full amount of hers, she won it in a talent competition on her own. She shouldn’t have to share it at all unless she wanted to.

Family quiz money should go towards so ice creams or lunch etc that everyone can benefit from it. Or each child gets £5 to spend on an activity if you and DH are forfeiting your part of the family quiz money.

However it all sounds so bloody petty, aren’t holidays meant to be happy family time? Are you normally so hung up on trying to make everything absolutely fair? It doesn’t work like that even with 2 bio siblings, one might have saved more so had more holiday money, one might blow through theirs in the first day. That’s life, and a learning curve.

And at 6, I’d doubt your daughter would even notice. And if she does, you say dsd got that voucher for being the best in the competition, isn’t that great for her?!!

I agree with your dp she should keep the £10 as she won it herself. The other £10 was a family effort so technically each person gets £2.50.
Why are you doing your sdd out of the family voucher and giving it all to your dd

His daughter won the talent contest so she gets to keep the prize.
The family won the family contest so the prize gets shared out between everyone in the family.

I don't see why the girl who won the talent contest should have to share her winnings with anyone else.

your partner is correct as his dd won so she gets to keep her “prize” for her:

my kids all with my husband but if one of mine won something on their own on holiday i wouldn’t make them share it with the other 2! The “family” prize we would split evenly so say £3 extra for the amusements each. Or we’d buy ice creams and i’d say that was the prize money treat (i’d be buying them anyway but thats not the point) to make a difference between shared and individual winnings. Life isn’t “fair” sometimes one of mine gets an aware at school or wins a race - they might get a certificate or a prize that the others don’t.

If both entered the talent show and one of them won thats a life lesson. it would be nice to share the prize and i do think mine would chose to split in that circumstance (one might not lol) but i would never make them as they won it so it is their money so yabu