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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Holiday dilemma

196 replies

Tasmin88 · 05/04/2024 23:58

Sorry for the rant but we've had a massive row and I just want to understand what others would do?

Basically, we're on holiday with my DP, his DD (10 YO) and me and my DD (6 YO). His DD won a talent contest and received a £10 voucher to be used on the campsite, fair enough! As a family, we won a quiz and another £10 voucher. It's our last day tomorrow so we were discussing how to let the kids make the most of the vouchers but my DP is suggesting his DD gets £15 of the voucher and my DD gets £5 as that's 'fair'... I explained that from my POV, if it was the other way around and my DD had won the talent content, I would still be saying £10 each in the interest of fairness and teaching them about sharing but he seems to think I'm unreasonable? Thoughts?

OP posts:
pizzaHeart · 06/04/2024 00:50

HoppingPavlova · 06/04/2024 00:25

Easy:

Child who won talent contest - 10 to spend however they wish, even if only on themselves.

Whole family - 10 to spend on something that benefits everyone as the entire family won the quiz.

This^
Child who won talent contest absolutely deserves her prize.
Quiz prize are group money for all of you e.g each of you gets an ice cream.

JurassicFantastic · 06/04/2024 05:17

I really don't get how anyone could disagree with your DH.

His DD won a £10 voucher. That belongs to her and has no relevance to any other voucher.

Then as a team of 4 you won another £10 voucher. So £2.50 each. Makes perfect sense that each parent decides to give their £2.50 to their child. But why would your DH or his DD want to give their £2.50 to your DD?

BoudiccaOfSuburbia · 06/04/2024 05:40

So had you not won the quiz, and the only voucher to have been won was by your SDD for her work in the talent show, you would expect her to split that 50% with your child?

Sharing is one good thing to learn, but so is celebrating someone else’s achievement without envy or expecting to grab some of their prize!

sunlovingcriminal · 06/04/2024 05:48

Jesus wept- they're 10 & 6!

Just let the older one keep her voucher, and then say the younger one can have the family voucher as they've both been such super girls on holiday, and you've all had a lovely time.

And leave it at that.

Both girls have a voucher, both can go and spend it. Both leave the holiday feeling warm and fuzzy. Make a big fuss about the talent win so SDD knows that she's a superstar.

But they're kids, you're at a holiday park, and it isn't a UN convention about fairness, ethics and life lessons. It's meant to be fun! 🤩

thatsnotmynamethstsnotmyname · 06/04/2024 05:50

If they were same age I'd be saying split quiz money and his dd gets the talent show money.

But your dd is only 6 I'd give her an extra fiver for good behaviour so she gets £10 and his dd gets £15

I also wouldn't have a big discussion about it with the kids just go and enjoy the day.

JurassicFantastic · 06/04/2024 05:52

sunlovingcriminal · 06/04/2024 05:48

Jesus wept- they're 10 & 6!

Just let the older one keep her voucher, and then say the younger one can have the family voucher as they've both been such super girls on holiday, and you've all had a lovely time.

And leave it at that.

Both girls have a voucher, both can go and spend it. Both leave the holiday feeling warm and fuzzy. Make a big fuss about the talent win so SDD knows that she's a superstar.

But they're kids, you're at a holiday park, and it isn't a UN convention about fairness, ethics and life lessons. It's meant to be fun! 🤩

How fun is it for the older girl to say yto her "you know that team event you took part in and won? We've decided you have to donate your prize to the other child in the team"?

The fact she had already won her own voucher for her own efforts in a different competition is irrelevant

Shoxfordian · 06/04/2024 06:15

Let the one who won spend her voucher and the other voucher should be for all of you to get an ice cream or a pizza or something

OldTinHat · 06/04/2024 06:28

I can see his point tbf.

PennyPugwash · 06/04/2024 07:05

I'm with the partner 100%

Loulou599 · 06/04/2024 07:14

I think the lame thing here is you and DP wanting your cut of the quiz money.
I would have done it:

DD1 keeps the £10 she won by herself.

The quiz money is split 50/50 between the two DDs, so:
DD1 ends up with £15
DD2 ends up with £5

I don't understand why something a child has won gets put into the family pot, like she's paying in her salary to a joint bank account or something.
Special winnings are there to be savoured by the person who made it happen.

Polishedshoesalways · 06/04/2024 07:15

My instincts would be to split it fairly, they are so young.

SeanMean · 06/04/2024 07:17

Your DH is right.

Zanatdy · 06/04/2024 07:17

I think what he’s suggesting is fair. His DD won £10, so you’re saying she gets no share of the other £10 as she won £10 already. I think she gets £15 as if she hadn’t have won £10 you’d have split the other £10 no problem.

Whaleandsnail6 · 06/04/2024 07:17

Im with your partner. The 10 year old won the talent show, she deserves her £10.

The whole family won the £10 voucher. Id probably spend that on the whole family on icecreams or something but if you just want to split it between the girls, I think it should be £5 each.

The original £10 talent show voucher is nothing to do with the quiz voucher....
Not everything has to be completely equal. Sometimes in life, someone wins an extra prize and thats ok.

DiamondArtists · 06/04/2024 07:19

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

letstrythatagain · 06/04/2024 07:19

I'm with you on this one OP. I'd definitely let them have £10 each so they can head off together and spend it. Have you asked the 10 year old what she thinks?

mamajong · 06/04/2024 07:19

One child won a comp on their own, that's their money, you all won £10 that should be shared, otherwise the first DD gains nothing from winning something on their own.

Personally I disagree with this whole 'everyone's a winner' thing, life simply isn't that way and since when did we lose the ability to teach kids that, imo it encourages the wrong attitude to life.

Alternatively give the eldest Dd their prize and buy something for everyone to share with the family win, such as ice reams or cakes.

Yabu imo

HunterHearstHelmsley · 06/04/2024 07:20

Loulou599 · 06/04/2024 07:14

I think the lame thing here is you and DP wanting your cut of the quiz money.
I would have done it:

DD1 keeps the £10 she won by herself.

The quiz money is split 50/50 between the two DDs, so:
DD1 ends up with £15
DD2 ends up with £5

I don't understand why something a child has won gets put into the family pot, like she's paying in her salary to a joint bank account or something.
Special winnings are there to be savoured by the person who made it happen.

OP and her DP don't want their cut. They're discussing how to split it. OP thinks her child should get the full prize winnings whilst her DP wants to do it the same as you've suggested.

Skyisbluegrassisgreen · 06/04/2024 07:21

Did either of the girls actually contribute to winning the quiz?

Londonrach1 · 06/04/2024 07:23

I'm with dh here. However can see both sides of the argument. Can I suggest his dd uses her £10 win and you use the £10 family win for ice cream s for everyone or something for the four of you. Think it unfair to give it all to your dd. It devalues his dds win. Yabu

MinervaMcGonagallsCat · 06/04/2024 07:24

£10 each

And both adults need to grow up and discuss these things without a massive row and a MN thread.

Ioverslept · 06/04/2024 07:26

Or just give the family prize to charity if you can't agree

Polishedshoesalways · 06/04/2024 07:27

The fact you dp seems to favour his child’s winnings over fairness and kindness to a six year is the biggest red flag here op.

TheCheekyKoala · 06/04/2024 07:31

Polishedshoesalways · 06/04/2024 07:27

The fact you dp seems to favour his child’s winnings over fairness and kindness to a six year is the biggest red flag here op.

This is literally it.

It’s only a few quid. People are talking about winnings and talent shows like she’s just won the Oscar’s and has a grand prize of a 100k.

She won a tenner. She can keep it. Family won a tenner, just let the youngest have it and if the oldest finds something in the shop that’s £13 for example just give her the extra.

theclimb · 06/04/2024 07:31

@Polishedshoesalways

It's not "fair" though is it. The OP wants to giver her daughter all the winnings from the quiz when the other girl also took part. It's not fair on the older girl

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