Holiday dilemma

[Tasmin88]

Sorry for the rant but we've had a massive row and I just want to understand what others would do?

Basically, we're on holiday with my DP, his DD (10 YO) and me and my DD (6 YO). His DD won a talent contest and received a £10 voucher to be used on the campsite, fair enough! As a family, we won a quiz and another £10 voucher. It's our last day tomorrow so we were discussing how to let the kids make the most of the vouchers but my DP is suggesting his DD gets £15 of the voucher and my DD gets £5 as that's 'fair'... I explained that from my POV, if it was the other way around and my DD had won the talent content, I would still be saying £10 each in the interest of fairness and teaching them about sharing but he seems to think I'm unreasonable? Thoughts?

This is the only thing that makes sense.

The older child is still only little and giving the younger child the whole voucher wouldn't feel very nice to her. It would be really unfair.

It doesn't matter if the older one has more than the younger one, she won 1.25 vouchers and the younger one won 0.25. I'd expect the respective parent to give their child their 0.25 voucher, generally.

I'd be concerned as the parent of the older child, I wouldn't want my child to always feel like they're going to be second best or they can't have something without the other also getting the exact same.

His DD won the talent show alone - that £10 is hers alone.

The family won £10 together - theoretically that should be split £2.50 per person. If either adult wish to donate their £2.50 to their child, then that's fine.

But NO! you don't get to appropriate his daughter's money that SHE won and give half of it to your child. Nor do you get to dictate that his and his daughters share of the quiz money are given to your child.

His daughter is entitled to £12.50 (or £15 if he gives his share of the quiz money to her), and your daughter is entitled to £2.50 (or £5 if you give your share of the quiz money to her). Nothing more.

If you wish to give your daughter extra spending money from your own pocket, or he wishes to give his daughter extra spending money from his own pocket, then that's also fine. But you can't take his daughters money and give it to your daughter.

There's nothing wrong with the maths. £10/4=2.50 each.

The key point is that my DD thinks both adults should give their share to the younger child.

But why should she get the money from both adults? Why should the ten year old be penalised?

@TheCheekyKoala

its not the amount, it's the principle.

The DD20 won hers, that's for her! It's unrelated to the family price which is for ALL of them, not just the 6 year old!

it's not about the value, it's not even remotely related to the spare change in your car. It's about allowing the dd10 to have the prize she won & share in the family prize.

as I said, I'd have just suggested spending it on ice creams (toppling it up if required) and giving DD10 her voucher to spend on herself.

@Polishedshoesalways

children should also be allowed to be individuals too.

of course that's what your kids would do because they know you expect them too. I don't think always expecting them to share teaches them anything but having no choice & no say over theier own things. It doesn't teach them they're allowed to have boundaries. It also doesn't teach the others anything

Your DP's daughter gets £12.50 - you, your DP and your DD get £2.50 each.

In our family, DP, myself and DS would treat ourselves to some kind of sweets/chocolate each and we would be happy for DSD to have the additional money to spend on herself.

It’s her win and my kids could keep it if they wanted to, it’s their choice.

Ultimately it’s cool to share, and we share everything in our house so it’s about the culture you are used to that will shape the decision around this. We don’t put too much emphasis on materialistic stuff. The talent would be celebrated more than the ‘win’
As a result we have a really supportive atmosphere at home that champions talents, gifts and togetherness rather than stuff.

It works for us.

everything @Polishedshoesalways? So if dc said "can I take your phone today please?" You'd hand it over?

The child who won the talent contest gets 100% of their prize. The £10 family prize gets divided equally. Unless you are really close to broke I would then add another £10 each from the spending money pot so that it's closer to equal rather than 1 kid having 3x what the other has.

The dancing daughter keeps HER £10 winnings.

The other £10 is divided between all FOUR of you... An ice cream each.

His daughter won the 10 so that's hers. The family won 10 so that's shared.

I agree that the family prize buys everyone icecreams (topped up by you if needs be) and DSD spends her prize on what she wants.

Well yes, my children sometimes use my phone. And? Why wouldn’t they?

Are you be deliberately facetious?
We would be 100% behind dancing dd and we would be thrilled for her! We would also be sensitive to the fact 6 year old dd tried hard to dance just as well and did not win. Personally to me, at least, that is called good parenting. Celebrating the achievement but also aware of the little dds feelings too.

I’m with you partner on this one.

His Dd won something herself= she gets that prize.

You won something altogether = either split between whole family, or split between both kids.

6yo is old enough to understand that her step sis won a separate prize and gets to keep that, and you all won a prize together which you split. It devalues the 10yo’s win and effort put into winning if they get the same prize anyway.

He is right.
There's a life lesson in there somewhere. Teach resilience etc. never too young.

What if the talent prize had been a medal and a certificate?

You'd be splitting the quiz money... So why wouldn't you split the quiz money this time?

But did younger DD take part in the talent contest? If she did, I might be more inclined to suggest older DD buys her a little treat (chocolate bar, lolly) but she shouldn't be under any obligation to.

A campsite talent context??? It's not the Olympics! He's being a bit of a prick.

I think a tenner for each of the kids to spend on the last day of the holiday seems sensible to me.

For me the greater need here is harmony and cohesion. I would be very keen to avoid pitting them against each other in any shape or form. Hopefully they have many decades to share so many things - good and bad - and fostering a strong, supportive relationship between them is really important.

I agree

Honestly the amount is so pitiful and the kids are so young is wrong to do it out of principle.

On holiday at that age isn’t time to be making a point.

This all over.

Fair isn't same..
My mate has 2 dc.. As adults they still hate each other. And have nc . The older one(a dd) was never acknowledged as a singular dc.. Lost a tooth and got a pound? Db got pound. Won at sports day? Share your prize with db. Christmas money left over? Share it with db. She resented him more and more. Very sad..

Some holiday that turned out to be if he argued about £5
you know who not to go with next time
Not worth a rant just tell him never again